Coming Home

Chapter 21 - Replaceable Girl

The next morning Logan was up before me, he had made his bed and was deliberately making loud noise so I would get up without him having to wake me up himself. We didn't talk and skipped breakfast to get home within the day; I guess Logan was sick of hotel food as well.

The drive seemed even longer because I worrying the whole way about Jack and Logan.

After what felt like forever Logan pulled into his driveway and I jumped out, escaping the frosty silence of the truck.

I waited for Logan to go in first because I wanted him to check that it was safe. He still hadn't said a word to me all day and I realised I missed having him to talk to. It was like I had broken up with him all over again.

He unlocked the door and disappeared from sight, I stepped in behind him, wary of what we would find.

The house was silent and I looked like Geoff was out otherwise the door would have been unlocked. I went upstairs and collapsed on the bed, so glad to be back I could cry. A shadow filled the doorway and I looked over to see Logan standing, face expressionless, just like when I had first come back to him. So this is how it would be from now on.

"I'm going out. Don't wait up." And he left.

I jumped up and ran after him frowning. I caught him in the hallway where he was shrugging his coat on.

"Where are you going? We only just got back."

"Don't see what that's got to do with you." He snapped, his accent more pronounced than usual. He grabbed his keys and slammed the door in my face.

I stood there, staring at the door for some time. I was more angry than hurt. If he had a problem with me than he could at least tell me what it was rather than act like a complete moron.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and then made myself dinner. Logan's house always had food in by I stayed with the safe option of pasta, I wasn't the best cook.

When I was done with dinner I sat at the long table, waiting up for Logan.

I didn't want to go to bed not knowing whether he was okay or laying dead in a ditch somewhere. The clock on the wall told me it was close to 1 AM so I wouldn't be able to sleep now anyway.

At some time in the night I heard the rumble of an engine in the driveway. Sure enough, the front door opened and Logan came in. I was just coming out of the kitchen to ask him where he had been when I noticed he wasn't alone. There was a high-pitched giggle and a girl came in behind him.

I froze, feeling oddly numb; I ducked back into the kitchen so I was out of sight as Logan took her hand and tugged until she stood in front of him.

She was about the same age as me, eighteen or nineteen. She had long dark brown hair and was tall and thin in the ways that I wasn't. I was thin but it made me look ill, whereas she looked like she was born perfect. She wore her beauty well, like she knew how good she looked and she loved it.

I could smell the faint sent of alcohol that told me they had both been drinking. Logan hardly ever drank so he must have been in a dark mood. It took a lot to get him drunk.

Nothing could prepare me for the soul wrenching pain I felt as I watch the man I loved touch another woman in the way I wanted him to touch me. And when the pain came it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I was so stupid to believe him, to believe that he had really loved me. Such a stupid, naive girl.

I watched as she framed his face with her hands and kissed him like she couldn't live without him, as he slowly unbuttoned the front of her too tight blouse. By the way she had her hands under his shirt I knew that this wasn't one of his contacts that would help me find Jack.

As I saw this stranger's lips touch Logan's I was barely able to breathe from the pain yet I could hardly contain my jealousy of her, of the nameless girl who had so easily replaced me.

He brushed his hands up her body and I ached to be in her place. He nuzzled her neck and ran his fingers through her hair, just as he had done to me only days ago.

Deep down inside of myself, in a place where all my insecurities and doubts lived, I had expected this all along. That one day he would wake up and think 'why am I with her?' But expecting it and seeing it happen were two different things.

What hurt the most was that she was everything I was not. She was everything I had always wanted to be for Logan. To be confident and sure of myself, to walk with my head held high and to not looking at the floor like I did. Afraid someone would see me and tell me what I was so scared of, that I wasn't good enough for him, that I didn't deserve him. I studied her closely, looking for any flaw, any imperfection. Anything to make me want to hate her more. But there were none, she was pure perfection; she was all that I would never be.

It was a slow torture, standing there watching the man I loved kiss someone else. And when the girl took Logan's hand and led him upstairs. I fell to my knees and pressed my hands tightly over my mouth to muffle the heart wrenching sobs that over took me.

At least now I know, I told myself. We just weren't mean to be together. I knew that now.

"Cassie. Cass. Wake up."

I opened my eyes and found myself looking up at Geoff's face. I broke into a smile and threw my arms around him. He had that affect of people. "I missed you. Where have you been?"

His voice was muffled and I remembered I had put ear plugs in for reason's I didn't want to think about right now. Or ever again.

"What?"

"Went to pick my Mum up from the airport. Just got back."

"Is your Mum here now?"

"Yeah, she's gone to bed though. Jetlagged." I had always loved Logan's Mum. When we had broken up I had missed her almost as much as I missed him. It would be nice to see her again.

"Everything okay? You don't look too good."

"Umm. Well no, everything's not okay." I bit my trembling lip and told myself not to cry. I had cried all night, I didn't need to cry any more. It wouldn't do any good "You'll see soon enough." Was all I said.

And at breakfast he did see. Well, actually we both saw much more than we wanted to when we walked into the kitchen and were faced with Logan and who I could only assume was his new girlfriend locked in a tight embrace. They broke apart for a second when Logan noticed us awkwardly standing in the doorway. Logan nodded to Geoff and then lifted his girlfriend onto the counter and they resumed kissing.

I looked away but from the corner of my eye, I saw Geoff shoot me a sympathetic look which I ignored.

I didn't want to see them kissing but if I walked out now he would know how much it hurt me and I was determined not to let him see. The more I told myself not to look at Logan the harder it became. I need to get out of there, so I almost ran to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and head bent I escaped the kitchen.

Geoff, after following me out, cornered me in the hallway. He took one look at me and knew what I needed.

"Shall we get breakfast out?" I nodded.