An Abusive Relationship (editing)

35

"...and I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but i gotta get a move on with my life, its time to be a big girl now... cause big girls don't cry..." a tear rolls down my right eye as I listen to "big girls don't cry" by Fergie, how ironic huh?

It's been two weeks, since i've last talked to Daniel. No calls, no text, no nothing. He passes by me in the halls and acts like nothing ever happened between us. Like we never turned in our hearts, bodies and souls to each other. He makes it seem so damn easy, pretending like I never meant anything, or maybe he wasn't pretending, maybe he never really loved me, maybe it was all just a game to him. God, I was so stupid. And although seeing him in the halls and not being able to get near him or touch him is painful, watching him walking Danna to all her classes and seeing them together all day is so much fucking painful. 

Danna looks pregnant now, her belly grows more and more everyday. Students and teacher have started to notice that she's pregnant and it didn't take long enough for them to realize it was Daniels child too. My Daniel having a baby with someone who isn't me hurts like a motherfucker. I don't think I could ever give my heart to anyone else anymore. 

All i ever do now is go to class everyday and do my homework. I haven't missed a day or class since they told me I was on school probation. I really want to graduate with my class and seeing as I have a lot to catch up on, I can't afford to miss another day of school. Lecture is  confusing and I  barely understand the homework assignments I'm given. I have no time for play and all I'm concerned about is raising my grades. 

It's Friday night and I know there's plenty of party's to go to tonight, but this trigonometry homework will take up my entire weekend. I keep on searching for youtube videos that will help me solve these problems, but nothing is helping.

"fuck this," I say and close my math textbook. I throw myself on my bed in defeat and close my eyes in hopes of falling asleep. 

My phone buzzes beside me and I groan because I was just seconds away from falling asleep. 

"James is having a victory party at his house! Be there or be square!"  it read.

"That las sentence was lame lol but seriously come, I don't want to go alone. Pick you up in 20" a second message goes through from Jessica, an old friend from cheerleading. We have english together this semester, something I hadn't noticed until I started going to class again. We've had a couple of conversations, but I never though she would invite me out. 

I question if I should go out. James is in the football team which means Will is going to be there and Daniel... 

I can't go, I won't be able to handle seeing them both there. 

I start typing an excuse to Jessica, but I delete it. Fuck them, I'm going out tonight and enjoying my last year of high school. Thanks to Will, I wasn't able to go to party's without him right beside me, checking my every move. Because of him I was forced to stay home with him and not enjoy my high school years. 

I get up from my bed and head to my closet. I have no cute clothes. Everything I own are long sleeves or long pants. It's damn near May and over 80 degrees outside. Perfect. After five minutes I find a cute sunflower dress my mom bought me when I was 16. 

I try it on in hopes that it will still fit. My boobs are damn near sticking out, but other than that it fits good, still. I put in a layer of foundation, fill in my eyebrows a bit, curl my eyelashes and add a thin line of eyeliner on my eyelid, all in 15 minutes. Right as I'm slipping in my sandals I get a text from Jessica that she's outside. It's almost 10:30 and there's no way my parent's will let me out. I go downstairs in my tippy toes to try and make as less noise as possible.