An Abusive Relationship (editing)

Chapter - 20

My chest rises up and down. I'm hyperventilating. My head is spinning. My heart beat is beating faster than usual. I feel so guilty, at this moment. How could I allow myself to enjoy this kiss. How did this kiss make it so much different than the past ones? And why the hell do I feel so guilty. He's my boyfriend, first of all. The one you supposedly don't love, my subconscious adds. I shake my head, no. I can't let a simple kiss mess with my head this way.

"Let's go upstairs," Will break me from my thoughts. He offers to hold my hand. I debate whether I should take it or not. In a sudden rush of moment, I envelope my hand in his. I figured it would be easier to break things to him, if we both cooperate. I don't know what made him so loving, but I like it.

We go up the stairs, his hand still holding mine. When we reach the game room, will let's go of my hand.

"Stay here," he demands. Well that didn't last very long. I roll my eyes and lean against the wall. He goes inside the room, and I hear a bunch of movement going on inside. In a matter of seconds the door flies open and the team exits the room. Jake comes out and locks eyes with me, clearly feeling guilty. I give him a small smile, assuring him that everything is fine.

Once everyone is gone, Will comes out the room and locks it. He nods his head, and we head to his room. The game room is right next to his bedroom, so it does not take long for us to get there. When we're inside, will doesn't waste time. In just a quick movement, Will has me pinned to the wall. His mouth meets mine, and his hands rest on my hips. It takes a moment for me to realize what is going on, and before I know it my hands are in his hair, and his tongue slide inside my mouth.

My body had officially taken control over me. He lifts me from the ground and my legs wrap around his waist. He moans into my mouth and I pull him closer. Holy shit what am I doing? Stupid hormones! I finally snap out of it and detach myself from him. I break the kiss and jump to the floor. My head is spinning once again. I have to stop doing this.

"What's wrong," he asks. I look up at him, and he looks at me confused. I have to say what I have to say before my body decides that it needs some kind of pleasure.

"We have to talk," I say, out of breath.

"About what," he asks. He sounds mad and curious at the same time. I don't want to confuse things between us. He has to know what's on my mind. What needs to change and what needs to stop.

"Us," I breath.

"We can talk later," he pulls me close and his mouth travels to my neck. He sucks on my skin slightly. Maryann stop!

I push him away," we need to talk, now!" I say with as much patients as I can.

"What the hell is so fucking important that I can't make out with you!" He yells. He doesn't look angry, he looks hurt. We haven't been intimate in a while, and I know what he's thinking. That I don't want to be with him and that I'm just stalling. It's not completely false, but I have needs too.

"Will," I say. I choke, I can't do this. He's too fucking intimidating. I can't even look at him without fear. He scares the shit out of me. Why am I so stupid? Why am I such a pussy? Why can't I stand up to him? What's the worst that can happen? He could possibly kill you, my subconscious reminds me. Fuck you, I say to myself.

"What Maryann!" Now he looks angry. I built up the courage to say what I've been wanting to say.

"I'm joining the cheerleading squad, again" I blur out. That wasn't it.

"What," he asks. His face is unreadable. No signs of anger, no signs of worry. He looks completely calm. I'm not sure if I should feel relief or worried. He can either be okay with this, which I doubt will happen, or he can break. I'm not sure if I'm ready for him to beat me.