Chapter 1

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by DeeJAY

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by DeeJAY

Hoomans, it's come
to my cattention
your president
is a lizard.

Every year,
your leaders meet
to meow about secrets
like the DNA sequence
for thumbs,
or the codes
to the Internet,
the last step towards
a New World Order:
a government
accountable
to no one.

We members
of Feline Society #337
believe only 1%
of hoomans rule
America,
as well as other corners
of hooman world,
because most leaders
are lizards
who enslave you
with media,
taxes,
and scratching posts.

...Well.
Us cats might be
the only ones susceptible
to scratching posts,
come to think of it.

But anyway:
these are not the lizards
we deliver to our hoomans
from backyards
to practice self-protection;
these lizard people
settled on hooman world
from two centuries
to many millenia ago
in some wuzzy space,

and now lizard people
hide among you
as Dungeons & Dragons
villains would do,
with shape-shifting
powers that rival
the ever-elusive
and tasty octopus.

What do they seek,
you ask?

Monatomic gold,
which has not been
proven real, yet
is revered by chemistry
experts such as
the Fullmetal Alchemist
and President Trump's
science advisor.

...What was that?
President Trump
does not have
a science advisor?

Wasn't Watergate Man
the last president to dismiss
that position
as unimportant...?

The lizards
are bold these days...

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