31. Thoughts That My Adar Would Frown Upon

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The news had been received that the Ents had conquered Isengard, Saruman's dwelling place. The hobbits were also there, so the Fellowship decided to make a trip there before going back to Edoras. I was telling Leane that I would stay with her, but she insisted that I go with the rest.

However I wouldn't go without a fight, not after her confession to me a few days ago. There were no words I felt enough to describe how I felt towards all the things that she had revealed to me.

All those horrible things that had happened to her. The torture. The loss. I couldn't even begin to imagine anyone go through such physical and mental torment. 

She had lost everything. Her family. Her friends. Her life. She had been through so much pain that worth multiple lifetimes for mortal.

She had hid her feelings away from everybody, including herself, and I couldn't be more honored and at the same time feeling immensely pained all at once when she let down her guard and trusted me enough to show her true feelings towards me as she broke down.

It was still fresh in my mind, the image of her when she spilled her heart to me. She was grieved greatly behind the frustration and anger facade. She had for the first time shown me how vulnerable she was; that is the person who had lost everything.

Her big, dark eyes were red and puffy as angry tears cascaded down her pretty face that was creased by overwhelming emotions. The flow of her tears were unstoppable and it wet her neck and to the fabric on her chest. Suddenly it was as if I could see years of hardship in her watery deep, dark brown orbs. The urge to hug her forever and never let go engulfed me that day.

What struck me the most was how she returned to her usual self the very next day. I still couldn't understand how she managed to joke and laugh then when she woke up– she even managed to look embarrassed and blushed at the mention of her emotional breakdown.

That kind of hardship would surely kill an elf. But here she was, after losing everything she knew, selflessly trying to save the world she didn't have to save, only to earn more scars than most people would even bother to think of.

Being an elf that had lived through countless mortal lifetimes, I thought I had seen it all. Known what was need to know about the mortals. But the more I open myself up, the more I befriend the humans– like Aragorn, Leane– the more I found myself astonished with how much they could still surprise me.

I remembered those times when she provided comfort and strength for the people around her, whether it was with her words, her smile, her stories or her songs. Yet I still didn't know where she drew her strength from.

The sound of her speaking snapped me out of my reverie.

"You have a role here. You have an obligation to be with the Fellowship. You need to go with the others," she stated, giving me a knowing look. A look that I had learned to be the 'fate' look. 

I sighed in defeat. I knew fate was something bigger than any of us, but I was reluctant to be separated from her again. For some reason I always suspected that trouble would always finds her when I am not around.

"It will be almost a week until I see you again. What if something happens to you when I am not around? I will never forgive myself if I am not present when you need me," I retorted stubbornly, still not wanting to leave her.

She smiled fondly, her eyes soft. Her smile shone through the fading bruised cheek. Some cuts were still grazing the side of her pretty face. How I wanted to kiss those injuries away from her skin if I could. That time I regretted the fact that I refused my adar's offer to learn healing arts back then in Mirkwood.

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