Love Buzz - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

Chapter Sixty Three

I awoke to the phone call that marked the end of my life.
When I was a little girl, my parents used to always tell me I had a high tolerance for pain.
Rarely crying over a skinned knee or a splinter.
They never told me that in life I would experience a pain like this..
Pure agony.

Kurt Donald Cobain was found dead in our greenhouse..on April 8th, 1994.
Whenever I die,
be sure to mark that on my tombstone as the day I died as well.
He promised me that he wouldn't give up.
I never realized a broken promise could hurt so much.
He left me a personal note inside a heart shaped box under my pillow.
I hadn't even been able to sleep in our bed yet..and I could barely enter our bedroom without wanting to die myself.
I had to read the note ten times before I could read it completely.
My eyes were stinging and swollen, flooded by endless tears.

"To my Jade,
the light of my life.
This isn't your fault.
Please. Please know this isn't your fault.
None of it.
You were..and forever are..the love of my life.
I tried for you.
I tried for our daughter.
But I tried so much I turned to dust.
It may not have looked like I was fighting, Jade.
It probably seemed I gave up along ago.
I didn't.
I swore I would fight for you two until my death..and I have.
Even though I have definitely failed you in the worst way possible..by the time you read this anyway.
Please Jade..you have to keep going.
For her.
For me.
For yourself.
I don't consume your entire being, whether you believe me or not..there is more to life than me..and you will see that.
You'll be okay. You're the strongest human I've ever known.
These past few years with you..and with our child..have been something I thought I would never have.
Thank you.
If you ever need me..just look around.
I'll be there always.
In the sky..and the wind..and the trees..and rain..I swear I will be there.
I wouldn't ever truly leave your side..not even in death.
I've left some things for Frances.
I hope that someday she will forgive me..
Promise me that you will tell her how much I fucking love her, Jade.
When she is old enough to comprehend..let her know the love her father had for her, was enough to save him this long.
Please god..don't ever let her think she wasn't enough.
I want you to keep that guitar in the corner of the room..and sing the songs I sang for her every night.
Please.
If you can't find a reason to carry on without me..let it be her.
I love you so fucking much, Jade.
Just look over your shoulder..and you will find me there.
I will never be far.
I love you.
I fucking love you.
-Kurdt ♡

What escaped my mouth sounded alien like.
Inhuman.
I felt inhuman.

"No!!!!" I screamed, once again, my weak cries full of angst and confusion echoing through our hollow home.

Dave and Pat were running up the stairs in seconds and at my side.
Kurt would be proud of them for being so concerned about me.
Krist was still downstairs playing with Frances..telling me the night before that it gave him an odd comfort being around a spitting image of the best friend he no longer had.

"Jade..you have to breathe.
Remember? We can't have you passing out again. I know this is hell.
Its so hard. But, everything will be alright eventually. You are going to survive this. Remember that little girl down there, Jade. She needs you."
Pat's voice rang into my ears painfully as I stared out the bedroom window.
The greenhouse looked like a monster.
Like something that had swallowed up my entire universe.

"I need to do something.." I mumbled, emotionlessly.

They looked at one another as if I were planning my own death.

"Jade, I really don't think you're emotionally ready enough to go in there. None of us are. Its really soon..don't you think?" Dave stated, his hand on my shoulder and a wince on his face as he awaited my reaction.