Love Buzz - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

Chapter Forty Eight

Three days had passed since Kurt left rehab. I was falling deeper into a pit of depression everyday over the loss of our child. I was laying in our bed one morning, staring at the wall while Kurt was playing Frances a new song he wrote in her room. Every single morning, as soon as my eyes would open, all I wanted was to go back to sleep. To forget the aching pain I was feeling and completely vanish from this fucked up world. I had no motivation to get out of bed what so ever. "Mama!" I heard Frances's little voice say from down the hall. "Mommy is feeling sick, Bean." I heard Kurt mumble as I heard the sound of his guitar being sat down. I sighed and pulled the covers up over my head. I knew I had to stay strong for Frances and Kurt, and that I couldn't just lay down and die. But, it was gonna take some time to get back on my feet again. An hour passed, and I was still laying in bed with teary eyes. The more I layed there, the sadder I became. I pulled a pillow to my face and sobbed into it as I wondered what our baby would've looked like, and what it would have felt like to hold him or her. I looked up from the pillow so I could breathe easier, and noticed Kurt standing in the doorway. He looked like he had no idea what to do. "Jade. We need to talk." He mumbled, walking over to me. My heart accelerated as I worried what he needed to tell me. He climbed into bed next to me and pulled me close to him, holding my face so that I was looking dead into his eyes. "You can't just lay in bed forever, Jade. You've been wearing the same thing for four days and you've barely moved. I don't wanna see you fall into a pit you won't be able to get out of." Kurt mumbled as he rubbed my face. I didn't know what to say, so I exploded. "Kurt, you weren't carrying our child!! You don't know what its like to feel our baby alive and moving inside of you, then have an empty womb all of a sudden!! I don't know what to do, Kurt! Why did this happen to us?! Why did our baby have to die?!" I cried into his chest and I could feel him breaking. I was crying so hard, I didn't realize that Kurt was crying too. I looked up from his tear soaked shirt to see his blue eyes overflowing with tears. "I don't know, Jade. I don't know. But I do know that our baby would want you to keep going for their big sister's sake. Frances needs you, babe. I need you. Please don't give up on life. You aren't alone. I'm here, and I'm hurting too." Kurt's words woke me up some. He was right. "I'm sorry I've left you and Frances alone in this. I've just been so upset, I forgot that you're feeling it too. I'm so sorry, Kurt." I whispered as I squeezed him tight. "Shhhh. Its okay, I'm here." He replied as he stroked my hair. I had my arm wrapped around his neck, and my head resting on his shoulder as I stared at the ring on my finger. "What're you thinking about?" Kurt asked as I started to fidget with it. I shrugged my shoulders and he smiled, almost as if he were up to something. "Will you marry me in like a month? " He asked, smiling. I suddenly felt a hint of life appear back in me again. "Kurt, we haven't even planned a single thing." I smiled, sitting up to face him. "So? It doesn't have to be a big wedding, does it?" He asked as he grabbed my hand. "Well, no. Not at all." I replied. "So, then will you marry me next month, Mrs. Cobain?" He said, grinning from ear to ear. I jumped on top of him and bear hugged him, kissing his face over and over. He chuckled and kissed me back. "Yes. Yes, I will." I said, grabbing his face and smiling. His entire face lit up and he kissed me passionately. Just in time, Frances was jabbering away to herself as she woke up from her nap. I smiled and got up out of bed. Kurt seemed extremely relieved. "Mama dada!" Frances cooed as we walked into the room. She was getting so smart, and growing up so fast. I looked at her and suddenly wondered how on earth I could possibly just give up on life when i had her to wake up to. "Frances, I love you so so much." I told her, lifting her out of her crib. She layed her little head on my shoulder and my heart melted. "What's that new song I heard you playing this morning?" I asked Kurt, curiously. I loved it when Kurt had a new song, or a new piece of art. He was so talented, and I felt so lucky to be able to be the first person to hear or see his art. He smiled and picked up his guitar, strumming a few chords. It sounded so beautiful, and it intrigued me so much. I clapped when he was finished and he slightly blushed. "I still need to write the lyrics, but yeah. That's it." He mumbled before sitting the guitar back down. I grinned and climbed into his lap, kissing his cheek. "I love it. I can't wait to hear it again when its finished." I lifted Frances into both of our laps and she layed her head against Kurt. The look he got in his eyes was priceless. It was more than enough to keep me going everyday, and I was so grateful to have them both in my life to remind me how beautiful life really is. Laying down and dying was no longer an option, and I would fight everyday to be happier for the sake of Kurt and Frances.