Love Buzz - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

Chapter Sixty Two

Kurt's point of view

8 a.m. April 5th, 1994
Seattle, WA

"Boddah,

I have finally burnt out, went numb, and pitch black.
The only thing stopping me now is the burning love I still have for my wife and daughter.
I'm trying not to think about it.
I know that this is for their own good.
They won't understand at first.
But they will someday see that this was out of love..and not meant to be abandonment.
I love them.
God, I love them.
But I can no longer pretend that I am good for them.
I can no longer pretend that I'm not reliant on this syringe I am holding in my hand.
I am tired of lying to myself about how I am not a junkie.
My daughter is growing quickly..and so is my addiction.
Each time she giggles at me it pierces my heart with sadness.
As if I am giving her a lie..a false happiness..a distraction from what her father really is.
Jade will think I no longer love her..and I know she already does.
That isn't true.
She holds a fire in my heart that burns brightly..even as I feel an inch from my end.
I will carry my love for this goddess to my grave.
She is strong..I know she will carry on..for our daughter.
I have become nothing but a heavy burden upon her shoulders anyway.
Yet she still looks at me as if I am carved from gold.
Silly girl.
It destroys my soul to think about it..but I know she will find better.
Not as long as I am on this earth though..she will forever believe the lie that I am the light of her life.
So I have to leave.
For everyone.
I'm not meant to be here any longer.
I can't live the lie. Purity is dead. Passion is dead.
I can no longer tolerate the battle I won't win.
To all my true fans, thank you from the bottom of my burning, nauseous stomach.
Your support over the years has meant everything.
But I can no longer pretend like this is still fun for me.
The thrill and exhilaration of what used to be performing has now turned out to be as boring as punching in time to go to work.
I can't fake passion.
I quit.
Peace, love, empathy
Kurt Cobain

To Jade and Frances,
you are love itself.
I will forever protect you and watch over you.
i love you
i love you
I LOVE YOU.

*This has been a very hard part to write. Please remember that this is fiction. And I choose to keep the occurances of Kurt's death and this story separate. This is just how I felt this particular story should end. I don't want people arguing in the comments about what happened. Period. This isn't what this is. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, it really means a lot. ❤❤