Serendipity is for Suckers | h.s. *EDITING*

61 // ❀present❀

[POSTED SONG: On My Own sung by Samantha Barks from Les Miserables]

📍Oahu, Hawaii📍

*6 months later*

"Hey, Lani," I whisper quietly to myself as I kneel down and stare at Lani's grave.

I'm back on the island for Spring break and also for Graham and Amy's wedding tomorrow. I just landed not too long ago and my first priority stop was the cemetery.

I place my purse in front of me, on my lap and dig through the mess before finally pulling out the full, worn out, journal that I've already secured with a lock.

I lay it next to the fresh bouquet of flowers that someone has already placed near the stone earlier.

"Lani, protect my diary with one hundred percent effort. Treat it as if you're working for the secret service and this journal is the president," I say out loud. "And if anyone comes by and reads through my personal problems then I'm blaming that on you."

I knew it was stupid leaving this journal out in the open, which is why I only left it here for the couple of hours I spent sitting here before putting it back in my purse.

I catch her up a little on my current situation. I successfully made it through an entire semester of school and am midway through the second one, so that's an achievement.

I even catch her up on the whole Harry situation. How he and Juliette went official a few months back on Twitter. Which I finally have now.

Well, I deleted it after the first week because I was tired of their love life mocking me straight in the face.

I can hear Lani telling me not to give up on love again but I'm already past that. It's not that I'm pessimistic again. It's just that I don't want to try and force anything.

Honestly, what Harry and I had, I believe, can't ever be replaced. And I don't want to waste my time dating boys to try to find one that can mimic our bond and connection.

And I'm totally fine with living alone forever because I'd rather not love at all than to be with someone other than him. I''m fine with that. And I understand that he doesn't want me that way anymore which is why I'm already mentally preparing myself for a very long, lonely future.

I tried going on a date with this guy from my biochemistry class. He was nice and all, funny too, but when we laughed together it didn't feel right. It's a different kind of laugh when you laugh with the person you love.

It's always Harry. It'll always be Harry. I'm just not happy with anyone else.

Really, the only thing I can do at this point is hope that I'll fall out of love with him eventually.

But that's so hard to do when the color of his eyes are so vibrant that it sends energy through my chest. His voice is the only thing that keeps me awake and helps me fall asleep blissfully. His touch is what I yearn for everyday.

So how could I possibly fall out love when all I've been doing is falling more and more in love by the minute while he's slowly forgetting me?

Am I happy, Lani? This is how I see it; my favorite thing in the world is his gorgeous wide smile. And the only time I ever witness it erupt is when he's with her. He makes her happy. She makes him happy. He smiles. I melt at how handsome he looks.

But I'm not happy... even though I have to be.

♩♫♪♬

"Thank you, you're a life saver," Lou says as soon as she enters my room. I hand her a pair of my high heels from my closet and she slips them on hastily.