Leon, Leon (BoyxNB romance)

Chapter 25

“Hey,” she said, coldly, as I walked into the room, Susie just behind me, and the door shut quietly. The way she was looking, I felt like we were acting out some kind of old shoot-out scene from a Western film, but I could tell she wasn’t acting – she was pissed.
“Hey, Kayla. Um... it’s been a while, right? I probably should’ve messaged you guys... or something... but I’ve been really busy, okay? And-“
“Yeah, you should’ve messaged,” she said. “Or you know what else would’ve been fine? Ditch us completely. Turn into a dickhead like the guys you hang out with and calls us weirdos or what the fuck ever. But you can’t do both, Cal. That’s fucking with people.”
“I’m sorry, I-“
“You know, when you came back up to the computer room, and you said about that new guy and how you feel like you’ve been rejected, I started to feel sorry for you. Because we’ve all been rejected, or made fun of – Susie’s the spakker who doesn’t get jokes and talks too posh, Ally’s the annoying five year old who’s just eaten a bag of sugar and won’t shut up, and I’m the fucked up whore who will do anyone because God forbid me wanting some positive attention for once.” She took a deep breath in. “By the way, Susie, I didn’t mean what I just said. I was just trying to pretend to be one of those idiots in your classes who don’t get you.”
She nodded, slowly. “With all respect, Kayla, I do not think that it is fair that you are doing all of the talking. It is not much of a conversation, then, is it?”
“No... no, you’re right, Susie. I need to calm down a bit, Jesus.” She scrunched her eyes and fists together. “But then you never came back, and I found you hanging with the French guy like nothing was wrong in the world, and do you know what I felt like? Like a backup plan. Like, yeah, if I can’t find anyone else to be with, I guess I’ll spend my time with the guys up on top floor. You really do know hoe to make people feel like nothing, Cal.”
“I...” I felt my mind go blank. “I’m so sorry, to all of you. I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear, just... Leon’s been one of the best people I’ve ever met. I’m so happy around him, you wouldn’t even believe. He makes me so happy, and excites to see him, and-“
“And didn’t you feel that when you were with us?”
“Of course, Kayla, but it’s not the same thing. He’s not the same as you-“
“Why? Because he’s normal, or some shit like that? Because he plays football and increases your rep with girls or what? Either way, we were friends, Cal, what’s so different about him-“
“Because maybe he’s not a friend,” I said, quietly. “Maybe he’s not just a friend, have you ever though about that?!”

There was a silence through the room, and I could feel tears on my cheeks. I had half a mind to just bolt – I’d at least have a week to avoid confronting what I had just said – but I stayed there, completely still, just like stone.

“Look...” she said, slowly. “I don’t care that you’re into guys. That’s the least of my problems right about now. But what I do give a shit about is that you’ve dumped us, for the second time, for someone you barely know. And do you know what? I’m not going to be all happy and restrained like I was when you started talking to the popular guys. I’m going to be honest, because do you know what I think? Firstly, he looks as straight as a ruler, and secondly, even if you do manage to get it on, I will do everything in my power to stop it from happening. Because I don’t know this guy, but I’m not going to let anyone have to suffer what you did to Cass.”
“You... why are you like this, Kayla ?” I felt tears forming, again. “Why can’t you ever let me be happy? Why can’t you just let me have this one thing, this one person, that makes me feel like I’m worth something?”
“Because the last time you had that, you almost killed her,” she said. “You made her stop eating and smiling and you made her bleed, instead. You fucking-“
“Calm down, Kayla,” Susie said, taking a step forward. “I understand that you are upset, because you are shouting and crying, however you cannot tell lies. Cass has many problems, and Cal’s involvement with her was simply more of a catalyst-“
“And why are you sticking up for him, now, huh? You saw what he did to Cass. She still isn’t right, you know, she-“
“But did you ever ask if I was okay?!” I asked, suddenly getting the desire to punch something, anything. I can’t deal with those memories. Not right now... but they’re making me, aren’t they? “What if she hurt me, too? Like, maybe I felt crap, too. Maybe I cried every night before I went to sleep, because of the things she said to me. Maybe I dumped her not because I got sick of her or whatever she said, but because she treated me like shit and I decided I couldn’t stick it anymore!” I wiped my cheeks angrily, my eyes itchy. “But you never... cared... about me. You never asked how I was, because you assumed I was the bad guy right from the start. And I just wanted some peace that day, because Leon scared me, maybe I liked him already then and couldn’t deal with it, but if it’s just going to be this then I’m done. I’m just... done. Sorry Susie, for shouting and crying, it’s not your fault, I’m sad because of Kayla and because of Cass, okay? Not you. I hope you have a good day, and you manage to find some good new murder mysteries in the library. And... I’ll see you soon, if you want that.”

Without waiting for her reply, I swung the door open, mindful not to be too loud so as not to freak out Susie – she’d always had sensory issues, with sound and touch in particular – and walked down the hall, as nonchalantly as I could. I just wanted to forget about this whole day already. And I wish even more I could forget the nine months I spent with her, and how they haunted me, still.