Chapter 7

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Although I could remember exactly what happened, my mind still felt blurry, as if it had all been a distant dream or something you were convinced happened but never did.

These were the facts, going around and around in my head. I had gone to the lesson. I had stayed, for a while. Then it got too much. I wanted to leave.

So I did.

I put the seat down, trying to block the smell of piss from my nose, and dumped my bag on the floor, tucking my legs into so my heels touched my butt and my nose was between my knees.

And I cried. I couldn't help it if I tried, so I didn't. I cried and cried for as long as I could.

Or, really, until I heard the door slam shut, which made my head perk up instinctively and my throat go tight. I usually didn't let out much sound when I gave myself these times - whether it was crying or punching something or mostly, just sleeping it off. Making other people aware never helped.

I heard him go into the cubicle and shut the door behind him, the hinges creaking a little, with silence surrounding the room other than those little squeaks. Realising I had chosen poorly due to the lack of lock on my door, I wonder if it would be better to try to bend forward and put my leg against it as if to say, 'Yup, I'm totally pissing right now and not just running away from my problems,' or hope for the best.

Screw it. I can't deal with any more anxiety. May as well announce my presence to someone who probably won't even notice it.

It seemed like weeks had gone by, or at least a weekend, but I finally heard the latch go and the gentle footsteps across the room, and I relaxed, putting my leg at a more comfortable angle than it when it had been jerked straight out like a stick. I heard the tap going, but didn't think too much of it, instead just laying back, sniffing as hard as I could and rubbing my eyes. The stink of many shits long gone wasn't exactly pleasant, it felt good to clear my nose.

And then the door opened.

And of course it's you. What other kid in the school would even bother to wash their hands?

"Oh, ah, I am very sorry. I did not know someone was-"

"It's fine, Leon. Don't worry about it."

I raised my eyes to meet his, a small smile forming on his face. "Oh, Callum, c'est toi. Are you, um... busy ?"

"Nah, I'm just bunking off a lesson. Don't mind me."

"Oh, um, alright, I need to dry my hands. Have you got any toilet paper?"

"Nope, sorry, my cubicle's all out. Try the others, if you want."

"I... I will. Do that thing. One minute?" He disappeared, and I heard the door next to me open, more gently than before, and I wondered how differently he did act around other people compared to when he was alone.

You know, my sister is really smart.

It had been a while (Or felt it, like everything did - seconds were hours) and I wondered if he had just bolted away from the problem kid crying in the gross bathrooms while he had the chance. But I heard a soft knock, and I picked my bag up and opened the door fully.

"Hey."

"Hey. The paper was very difficult to receive, I tried to push up and around the, ah, the little machine that they are in, but it did not come! Maybe the paper doesn't like me."

"At least you've got your arm exercises for the week done."

"Yes, I feel a little bit tired now." His smile turned to concern. "Are you alright, Callum?"

Ah. People using my full name was rare, and carried impact, especially in this situation. It felt really... personal, like I was completely vulnerable at that moment. And I guess I was, too. He could easily take a photo of this and I'd be called a big girl for the rest of my life.

But... he's not going to do that. I think. I hope.

"Yeah, I'm... alright."

"You are... you are lying now?"

"I... don't know. I don't know anything... I'm stupid, remember? I'm bad at everything."

"Everyone is a genius. But if you make a fish try to climb a tree, it will think that it is stupid its entire life."

"What?"

"They are some famous words, by Albert Einstein. It was the first thing that I learned in English, because it is my favourite phrase. Because it is true." He smiled. "And I know your feelings. You are... ah... submergé, now. Everything is difficult, for you. I understand you."

"Th...thanks, Leon." I smiled, a little. "Good to know someone has my back. Someone to help me."

"It is ok. You need not to thank me."

"No, but I should apologise for you missing class. I'll be alright, I'll sort myself out. You should go back, now, right?"

"Well... the end is near, right? I can stay."

"I... only if you want..."

"Yes, I want," he smiled. "I prefer to stay with you, in place of return."

"Wow, leaving lessons early and hiding in the toilets. You're such a rebel, too cool for school, don't listen to nobody." He laughed, though I could tell he was a bit... apprehensive, about something. Bunking off? Being with me, alone? Was he doing this all as a pity party for me? It hurt a little less than being laughed at, I guess, but it still wasn't great.

"So, uh... you know since you're not bothered about going back to class..." I started playing with my fingers. May as well try to milk this arrangement as much as possible. It'll be something to excite Mam, at least. 'Hey Mammy, I hung out with a friend. Only for an hour then he decided he hated me, but hey, progress, right ?'

"Ouais?" Alright, surprise French test, I guess.

"Tu veux... um... tu veux arrête, pour le prochain cours ?"

He looked confusedly at me, and I was unsure whether he was thinking of an answer or deciphering what I said into real words for him. "Désolé... ah, sorry, I did not understand all of those words. I want to what?"

"Oh, haha, I must have got the words wrong... I meant like, stay..." It was amazingly hard to say so plainly in English. "Stay with me.... instead of going to next lesson."

"Ah, I understand. Ah, rester is the word that you wanted. Arrêter is like, ah... stop. Not to go." He scratched the back of his head. "But ah, I do not know what I have next. I will check."

He pulled out his phone - an old iPhone, battered to hell but still sturdy looking - and started scrolling through his apps. "And using your phone during school hours, too. I thought you were this good student but its like I don't even know you anymore."

He laughed and winked. "Every person has a bad side."

And I couldn't help but laugh back, with the momentary feeling of elation that I had someone who was laughing with me, not at me.

"I have... ah... PE, next? Oh, it is like, hm, L'EPS, no? Like, sport and exercise."

"Yeah. I suppose, uh, you want to go to that, then?"

"Not particularly, no," oh, never mind then. "I prefer to stay with you. We will stay, um, here?"

I chuckled. "God no, I can't stand the stink of this place much longer. You can go around the back of the building, it still isn't exactly the nicest place, but it's good to get some fresh air, and the teachers don't bother to monitor that far out of the classrooms. And we can watch the fields, too, so if you decide go back you can get there easily enough."

He nodded. "It is good, for me. We go now?"

"Yeah, better had," I got up, stretching my legs. "Before someone spots us."

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