My love for you is illegal ( boyxboy)

Chapter 30

Picture of Ryan (Phil's boyfriend/person who just uses him for sex) as requested shown in media bar.

PHILS POV

I'm so happy for Charlie but I don't know what in going to do with him for the time that he can't yet live in the new house, I wish I could live with him but I need to be with dad, ugh sorry Gary, or else he'll get his friends on me and they'll track me down. Than the punishment will be even worse than anything he's ever done, he's threatened me about running away again. I prefer to die peacefully in my room.

That reminds me, I haven't cut in a good few days and I need it so badly right now. Charlie's in the bathroom and the blade is gripped between my thumb and index finger, shaking slightly and extremely pale. Should I be scared of the thing I love. Sounds like a manipulative relationship. The blade makes it seem like I love it when really it's the worst thing for me but I can't get away because with out it life would be even worse despite the long run would be 100x better.

"Phil can you grab me a towel?" I hear a whisper which startles me and makes a massive line across my wrist, going deeper than usual and soon I see the droplets of red blood which start to flow out the sharp cut. I hear Charlie scream and close the door again. shit. What if he does something now? I'm so stupid can I just stop existing because it will be better for everyone. Whys it always so hard to kill myself? Is It because I still have a little bit of fight left in me? Even if it's like finding a needle in a haystack. But than if you burn it, they'll be the needle presented right in front of you. And I think my needle is Dan and the hay is my problems.

"Charlie shit please open the door!" I scream and hold my cut tightly because the bandages are in there with the disinfectant and i need to stop the bleeding. I hear footsteps and Charlie opens the door with the door covering his body and his little head which is full of flat, damp hair is peeking through. I chuck him the towel from the bed and quickly enter the steamy bathroom as soon as it's round his waist.

I search the whole place for bandages and I find them on the floor with some scissors. My mind goes to self harm but it's probably just the way Me or Charlie used to cut the bandage off at a certain point. Than my eyes go to Charlie's ankle and I see a bandage around it, it's probably one of his unexplained scabs which have opened up. He's confessed to me that he doesn't self harm because he thinks it's wrong and no matter how much pain he's in, he doesn't want more and I guess that's how non self harmers think but in reality it's a sensation, a nice one which blurs your mind of every bad thing in your life.

"I'm just gonna have to bandage this and then I'll leave you" I gasp when the bandage makes contact with my skin/blood and shut my eyes tightly, gritting my teeth together and keep wrapping my arm. I'm so glad the cut wasn't downwards or there is a big chance it would of cut my vein, it's good advice for any person wanting to die. Good advice for me. (Bare in mind this is for the sake of the story and never do this).

Once I'm done I open my eyes and see Charlie standing up and shivering in his towel. I walk out the bathroom and close the door. I lay down on my bed and I only feel the stinging and pulsing of my wrist, it's making me lose sanity and I just want to add to the cuts. See the thing with that specific cut is it wasn't nice because It was on accident, not intended. Anybody who self harms will understand but those who don't think a cat scratch would be exactly the same sensation as a cut.

I hear steps from outside my door and my breath hitches, no please no. The person stops outside my door and my body tenses as I sit up on my bed, it's never good to look vulnerable by lying down. I see the door handle turn and it's almost in slow motion but how I wish the moment was slower just to extend the period of time where I wasn't being hurt.

"Darling, please can you come downstairs?" I see mums head pop round the corner and I sigh of relief before nodding and saying I'll be there in a minute. She closes my door and it get A piece of paper and write "Stay in there, it might be dangerous", it will probably make him freak out big time but I don't want anybody to know he's here, I've been sneaky enough for a few days and I don't want the cover blown now.