My love for you is illegal ( boyxboy)

Chapter 10

PHILS POV

Thursday, I thinks that's the day. But I can't check because I have nothing with me. I'm lying on the same floor I fell asleep on yesterday night, broken and weak. I'm just a little boy crumbling to pieces that I can't manage to piece together and fix, I just want to be loved but if only I deserved such nice treatment. I open my eyes fully and try to lift myself off the bacteria ridden floor, before realising I'm butt naked and having to take the trousers I'm lying on from under my head and slide them on, wincing with every wiggle from the pain in my lower region, letting a few tears fall from my eyes and make splat noises on the pavement in this dark, abandoned alleyway. This is happened way to many times before for me to care so much anymore, I'm used to it, being left. But every time I still let a few tears leave my eyes because I'm so weak, just like everyone says.

I get off the floor and walk out the alley into the cold misty streets which still haven't been occupied by rushing people trying to get in time for work. I start heading towards home hoping stepdad Gary won't be in or else I might just run away and kill myself, if only it was as easy as that. I open the door, turning the key quietly and walking in, I don't hear anything so I look Into the living room and see Gary and mum lying on the sofa together, although she's naked and he's not, I don't want to know the details of what happened last night but it probably wasn't pleasant, it never is.

Walking upstairs I notice an few jeans and pants of men scattered along the stairs and ground, what's been happening here? I check inside mums room and see three hunky but hairy men with no cloths on spewed over the bed, I'm linking the pieces together and I imagine what they have been doing to mum, although I soon get the thought out my head as I can't stand the thought of the abuse she has to go through. We are both helpless souls.

Stepping into my room, I turn on the shower and get naked once again. I always like to bathe after what Ryan does to me, I feel like it cleanses my body from all of him. After being a whore for the night I get to be clean and it's almost like a new start and it never happened but I can never forget the events that took place, no matter how much cutting helps. The problem with self-harm is that it only helps in the moment by then when your left with scar filled wrists and it's a day later, all the problems are back and they are worse then ever and the cycle just keeps going. I start Rubbing the shampoo into my hair and singing lightly a tune off muse, supremacy, I really like that song because it's so them.

Once I'm done I check the time on my phone, 8am, 1 hour till school and I feel like dying instead of going anywhere but I can't miss another day or else the government might get on my case, plus today I have drama and I want to see Mr howells face. I guess he's turned into a little crush of mine but it's not like I'm expecting to date him or even kiss him because he's everything I want to be and I don't deserve him, he deserves better.

I think I'm meeting up with Pj in a while, before we walk to school. So I put on my white button up shirt and some skinny black jeans as usual, the new ones Mr howell brought me, they look shiny and smell of that new cloths smell that I love. I smile as I remember him telling me I look Great in them but soon stop when I remember I can't ever get him, no matter how hard I possibly tried. What doesn't help is its illegal as well.

I consider food and after not eating for maybe a day or two i take an apple, although maybe I will throw it up later, at least it's not going to make me fat like chocolate. I learnt from my lesson that if I eat loads after starving myself I just feel sick and bloated and when I look in the mirror my stomach pops out of my trousers, not anybody wants to date somebody like that. Not anybody wants to date me to be honest.

I walk out the door and see Pj waiting for me with his dorky adventure time backpack and his geeky 3D look alike glasses, I loved them secretly and I wanted some for myself but I couldn't afford them, plus that would just be another thing kids could bully me for. That's why I have contact lenses which I manage to get with some money mom pays for them luckily or else I think I would just have to be as blind as a mole and that wouldn't help me out in school. I'm going round Pjs today, should be fun and hopefully he won't notice the pained look whenever I sit down, or the massive scab on my back. It's always nice to hang out with him, he's honestly the only beam of light in my life and I don't think I would be here if it wasn't for him so far.

"Hey phil! You excited to come round my house today, we can play around with that camera my mum brought me!" Pj said excitedly and I nodded enthusiastically, I knew Peej loved filming and taking taking pictures then editing them, he was amazing at it as well, they always looked so professional, I'm so jealous of his creativity. He's showed me a few clips he filmed with his older camera which wasn't very Hd but it worked and they were really funny little sketches he made or even him just filming wildlife put to some Italian or Spanish instrumental music that matched the scene perfectly.

With that we started to walk to school, I've got maths, English, double drama and then I can go home, because I haven't got a last lesson today. My legs are aching and my bum burns and stings but I try and hide the feeling with a massive smile which will hopefully convince PJ it's fine, it always does.


DANS POV

I walk into my first lesson with some kids I haven't bothered to learn the names of, it's not like they are the best and most important class I teach anyway. That's always Phil's class, I know I shouldn't make Phil such a big part of my brain but I can't help it, he always crops up in the smallest things, like if I'm listening to muse, I think of him because it's his favourite, or putting on skinny jeans because I brought them for him.

I start doing some explorative strategies and drama mediums with the students, asking them questions and talking about how they should write out the 2000 word essay they have to complete on lessons we previously did. Writing was always my weakest part of drama because I liked to be in the spot light, performing and I know it sounds vain but I love the feeling of being on stage and your free to leave yourself and your boring life for a while and become another person with a more interesting plot.

After a hour the class leave and i decide to stay in here instead of going to the teachers lounge, aka bitchy town. They speak about students behind their backs and they tell us not to gossip about other people, fucking liars. I guess even as a adult you still have to encounter those people that make you lose faith in humanity but what can you do, kill them? Well not legally anyway... Not that I'm planning on something, hah, no I'm kidding. I wish the world was a nice place though, no war or hatred because that's what leads to people in situations like Phils and mine, to scared and beaten down by the outside world so we choose to isolate ourselves to prevent us from getting hurt.

I recieve a text from Jade saying, "Babe, im not gonna be here tonight cos im visiting my sisters, so please pick Becky up from School, or get Kyle to do it :D sHE'S got an after school club so pick her up at 5pm please x", i reply saying its fine and i will, i love picking Becky up from school because she always is so excited to tell me about what happened and all her friends she made, its crazy to see them grow up so fast. I sometimes wish i could just be with them 24/7 so i don't miss a special moment in their life, luckily when becky made her first steps i was recording it with a camera so we always can look back at it, i never thought i would treasure things like that as a kid but as a adult i've changed a lot, became more caring and concerened.

I check the clock, 1 hour till Phils class, i shoudln't call it Phils class because it makes me think that i care about him more than i should, even though deep down i do i try not to tell myself that. I get out my phone and start to play angry birds, i can never listen to the pigs laughing because it makes me feel like a failure so i have to restart it once i know there is no chance of me winning. I honestly wonder why i haven't seen Kyle around school yet, i hope i don't because that will make me and him both feel awkward. I luckily can't teach him due to the fact that parents cannot teach their children incase of favrioutism and giving them higher grades then they deserve, plus Kyle isn't a six former yet so i wouldn't teach him anyway.

The bell rings and the new class enters for their two hour drama lesson, i notice Zoe and Marcus kissing till i shout "Keep it PG!" and they started to blush and mutter sorrys, how i love embarrasing children, that makes me sound Evil although i never call them out in class when they don't have their hands up because it's up to them to particapate to get a good grade not me. The other kids start filling up the classroom and i notice that Phil still hasn't came whilst doing the register, i ask if somebody knows where he is and they just grunt and i hear a few no's around the class, guess nobody really cares about him.

I decide to continue with the lesson and hope Phil comes in along the way, because this is his A levels we are talking about. Totally not me worrying about him and wanting to know he's fine...

PHILS POV

They fucking got me again, before lessons and I'm probably going to be lying here beaten up for another 15 or so minutes because I can barely be bothered to live let alone move. I don't want to miss drama but I'll guess I'll have to make up some stupid excuse like I was in the toilets or I got locked in a cupboard because I know one thing, Mr howell cannot get on my case because he will never leave and then he will find out things nobody but me is supposed to know. After all you can't trust anybody to get close to you because they will just break you into pieces. I look around and see the empty hallways, no longer filled with the hustle of fast walking jerks other wise known as students.

I'm lucky they didn't do it as bad as they sometimes do, probably because we only had a 15 minute break so they couldn't achieve their full capability in such a limited time! thank god for the bell. I still feel a little weak from the pounding into my stomach which is making me want to throw my guts up but I try and stay strong in the hope that maybe I will actually make it to drama class. After all I need a decent grade or else I don't even want to think about what will happen to me, oh yeah parents evening is soon, shit.

I quickly scrabble to my feet, bad decision as the long line of cuts formed into a word along my back break slightly and open up, letting a few drops of blood trickle down my back. I run along the stairs ignoring the stinging sensation around my body, although I don't think sensation is the right word to describe it because it's not a nice feeling at all. My legs are going to collapse soon if I don't sit down and my knees are trembling but I have to keep going because I just realised how much trouble I'm going to get in if I don't do well in this. I'm not normally this enthusiastic but I guess he thought of that beautiful face keeps me going.

Once I reach the wooden black drama door of one of my newly favourite lessons, well just because of that one man. I take a deep breath and awkwardly enter the room, where everyone goes silent before I hear a few sniggers and rude comments behind my back, but I'm used to it, although that doesn't mean it won't get to me. I push my bag under the chair and onto the floor, before taking a deep breath and joining the rest of the class on the stage, when I opened my eyes from the weirdly long blink because honestly I never wanted to open them again and be in this word, I saw a few shocked faces because the shy strange kid suddenly decided to participate. But then it lit my spirits when I saw Mr howell with a idiotic smile stretching across his whole face, I'm glad I made him smile even if I'm blushing like a retard right now whilst trying to hide it with my hands.

"Right class, we are going to be starting on our new piece called 'love at first sight', and trust me this is the most difficult course, especially as you will be paired with people you probably don't love romantically so you really have to start acting really well" Mr howell said and walked over to his desk, those skinny jeans showing of his lovely long legs and a bit of pants, which I could see some girls staring at and probably slobbering over, at least they had a bigger chance of anything happening with them and Mr howell then me. He starts to announce the names of pairs for this lesson and I feel the register approaching to my name, I hope I'm not with some dickhead who will probably make fun of me for pretending to be in love with him. Maybe I will be naturally good at it, although I'm not good at anything so I don't set my hopes high.

"PHIL AND TYLER!" He shouts and I breath out in relief, phew I'm not with Marcus or Joe and that group because they sometimes bully me to but not as badly as my usual predators, they are far to hard and manly to take drama so they take PE to be fit enough to beat me up. Tyler comes over to me and smiles, he is honestly one of the nicest people here and I'm glad it was him rather then anyone else plus I'm pretty sure he's gay, I think I say him kissing a guy behind the sheds before but despite his popularity he would still get bullied for it, probably the reason he's a closeted gay is because the school is so homophobic, even the teachers. I smile back and start to nervously fiddle with my fingers, it's a thing I do when I'm in public to stop my hands from looking awkward plus so I can look down at the ground and not at people who I'll make awkward one second eye contact before they turn away with disgust.

I hear Mr howell talking about what we are meant to do, apparently something that we have to do a scene where they first meet and it's 'love at first sight' it's something I don't personally believe in but I guess it kind of happened with Mr howell, although it's not love but just a tiny weeny little crush. Tyler asks to go to the toilet probably to text all his friends about how he got paired up with the faggot and I tried to make a move on him, I freakin hate rumours. Especially the one that started last year that I tried to make a move on one of the bullies Aaron (who's not my type anyway) and he punched me in the face but them I stalked him home and watched him from outside his window. Absolute shit!

"Hey Phil, I'm glad you participated and I hope your fine with Tyler" I smile and nod, Tyler's fine I say and he walks away quickly probably to embarrassed to be seen near me or something. I see Tyler come back in and he whispers something to Zoe who's working with Troy, totally awkward as they previously dated, although then again troy looks around 15 but Zoe 18, so I think Zoe wanted somebody who looked more her age. In the corner of my eyes I can see Marcus giving Troy death stares because nobody can touch his girlfriend.

"Right let's get going ....." Tyler says and waits for me to say my name, oh yeah I forget that nobody really knows me whoops, even after me being here for more then 5 years I've just been known as fag or fairy boy even emo but I'm basically invisible to everyone anyway well apart from bully's. I say my name and Tyler continues to tell us what to do, including a scene at the school halls where Tyler sees me get tripped up by some idiots and helps me up, and then he's like the prince and I'm the one lost for words and totally mesmerised by his face. Seems a bit stupid to me because that honestly never happens unless it's in totally cheesy unrealistic movies which just give us a false concept of love. Tyler isn't exactly my type either, I tend to go for people with more heart and backstory that share things in common but Tyler's the most stereotypical gay guy ever and yet nobody calls him "faggot".

We try practising the scene over and over again, at least ten times as it's only two minutes long and most of it's just me looking into his eyes, pretending to be in 'love' which is ridiculous because he just laughs at me every time I try which makes me really self conscious but maybe it's his really outgoing and sociable personality that I'm not used to.

"No Tyler, stop laughing be more serious like this" Mr howell says and walks over to us, with Tyler blushing and trying to hide his face from the embarrassment of not being able to keep serious during this A level exam. I think Tyler's got a bit of a crush on Mr howell too because I saw him checking out his bum as he walked around the classroom. It's weird that I admire people sometimes, just stare at them for five minutes and analyse their face because it's so interesting and different.

Mr howell tells me to go from the beginning and this time he is going to be Tyler. I pretend to trip and he comes rushing to my side and picking up my papers for me before helping me up to my feet and handing me the books. What's crazy right now is that he's so serious and standing right in front of me, basically less then ruler length away from my face, so close I can feel his breath on my neck and lips, which makes me want to lick them to stop them from being dry but I'm so mesmerised by his eyes, such a nice light shade of brown which reminds me of a rich chocolate and they are looking strait into my lifeless ones. My whole body feels like its trembling from the close proxemics between us and I don't know how long we've been looking at each other at but I still haven't said my line and I don't know if he's said his because all outside noise has been blocked from my ears and all I can see and process is Mr Howells face so close to mine. I can't breath, well that's what it feels like because Mr howell is breath taking, literally, he's got a hold of me that I never wanted with anybody, I feel like he's tearing every wall I've ever built to protect myself just by looking into my pupil. I feel myself slowly gravitating towards him, and I swear he's getting closer too and the whole room in quite and I can't stop looking at him like he's the one greatest thing in the world and he's worth millions of pounds.

"That's how you do!" Mr howell snaps out of it and composes himself, as well as me who's still standing there a little star struck. The thing I hate the most about this is that's he's a drama teacher, he's taught to act like this and even though that may have meant a hell lot to me it was probably nothing to him and that's what I need to get my head round. I'll never be his.


DANS POV

OH MY FUCKIN GOD! I can't believe I just did that with phil! I mean we didn't even kiss or anything but eye contact that long trying to portray love was not right in any way and I couldn't look away. It was his eyes that kept me hypnotised, controlling my movement and I didn't even say my line because I was so distracted. I'm pretty sure everyone was looking or maybe that was just my mind playing tricks, I don't think phil said his line either but his little gulps of worry and the ways his eyes looked at me with adoration and love was perfect for the act with Tyler. I thought I was a professional but it seems things like that take me out my zone.

I'm slightly moist from the hot, bright light gleaming into my back, that and the fact I just had a overly intimate moment with a student, but it was acting right, acting acting acting. I walk back over to my seat and look over the whole class, mostly keeping an eye out for phil and Tyler, just to see if phil was fine with everything. I mark down a couple numbers on my sheet out of ten to grade the students for later and realise its time for the class to preform their short drama pieces to everyone. I clap my hands to get their attention and tell them to all sit down in the flip up theatre seats, which I won't lie have already flipped up once before I managed to sit down and fell right on my bum. I notice phil wince as he sits down and I wonder why but I let it go, he probably fell over or somebody punched him, I mean I pretty much already figured out that's he's bullied. The bruises, his personality, his actions and just little small details which match up to me when I was in his situation. And it makes my heart break seeing him like this because he needs help, and I'm going to be his help even if he refuses.

First goes troy and Zoe, their performance is very good but I could see Marcus's death glare shorting strait through poor, skinny troy, I mean does that kid even eat or is he naturally that skinny because lord I wish I could eat and not gain weight. Next is another group of people I haven't remembered the names of and so on but lastly Phil and Tyler head up. I finish writing down feedback for some other students in time for them to get ready on stage. I see phil shaking slightly so I send him a small smile which hopefully calms him down and luckily he smiles back, even if it is a shaky smile of 'I'm going to die'.

Phil pretend to trip over somebody's foot and I hear the sound effects they set up for people laughing at him which I would of never thought of doing so I put a good mark for creativity. Then Tyler rushes over to phil with concern in his eyes and it all looks very believable but then he reaches down to help phil up and I can't help feel like it should be me doing it but I ignore it and write down a mark for facial expressions, especially Phil's who is seriously portraying fright very well. The last bit sends a weird feeling through my bones as they look deeply into each others eyes, Phils bottom lip trembling and Tyler looking like he confident hero, who manages to actually say his line unlike me. The lights go down as the performance finishes and they break out of their characters both giving big smiles and Tyler doing his iconic giggle which everyone is very fond of.

Everyone starts clapping wildly and even wolf whistles are sent which makes phil blush and cower back to his seat, I think the boy has a secret talent he hasn't ever shown anybody. It was so convincing it was kinda scary but the best performance I've seen, and not to mention it's going to make phil get a better grade. Or maybe it's my favouritism for him?



AURTHORS NOTE :

HEY GUYS !!! Can't believe we have over 4,500 reads that's so amazing and keep reading this phan fiction because I love all your support and lovely comments on this! Also I feel bad for making u guys read a rape scene, especially on tumblr and not wattpad so if u couldn't read it basically Phil got raped by a man called Ryan and was left on the concrete floor of a alleyway.

Keep voting and let's see if we can get over 20 votes on this chapter!!
Because come on something phan has finally happened.