My love for you is illegal ( boyxboy)

Chapter 28

AARONS POV
I couldn't tell him just yet. I was going to threaten him sooner but I need more information. I don't have enough to currently ruin his life so badly that he'll need to do what I tell him.
I need to get revenge on that one person and he'll be my way to him. I won't ever forgive him for what he did. He ruined my family and I can't stand his fucking annoying face.
It's so funny watching him think I like him or some shit when really I'm just planning out his death. Well not exactly death but it sounds a lot more satanic and threatening like that. I know how to break him but first I need to threaten his companion.
PHILS POV
We're at my empty house and I sit down Charlie on the bed. He's so sleepy and I can see that his head wants to lay down on my pillow so bad, so he can close his blood shot eyes with large purple circles underneath. I can't begin to imagine why he's so tired. He's filthy right now and I need to get him to have a shower but I know he'll be in so much pain if I forced him to do that because of all his wounds and bruises. He doesn't like my touch at all and I don't want to really ask why. His muttering under his breath is creepy enough but I can learn to accept it because we all have something weird about us.
"Charlie love, I need you to take a shower. If that's okay with you?" I look into his eyes and his bottom lip is trembling and slightly blue from the cold which he's been in far to long. He nods slowly and stands up like a fragile old man. I head to the closet and give him one of my biggest towels so that he can cover himself nearly fully when he comes out and be warmer. I still don't know where he's going to sleep because it can't be with me. I barely know him and he hates human touch. It's weird how people are so different. I crave to be hugged and yet he despises it. It's important to feel emotional connection to people and he's lacking it but I hope he can trust me just a bit.
"Yeah that would be nice. At least nobody can see my tears in the shower" He gulps and grabs the towel quickly off my hands so he wouldn't need to touch them and runs into the bathroom. That boy is very creepy with his choice of words. I'm scared I've left my blades out in the open. I don't know whether he self harms but I don't need to prompt him if he does so I quickly knock on the door and when I hear no sounds I open it forcefully because it seems as he didn't lock it properly. Fuck what I see I wasn't exactly expecting.
He's sitting on the toilet, rocking backwards and forwards in just his top and boxers and some of the skinny jean material is stuck in his cuts on his legs. He's a fucking mess. I slowly approach him until I hear him let out a low growl and then I stop in my tracks. His nails are dirty from the ground that he's been touching and his sharp brown eyes which are lined with eye liner are staring right into my soul.
"I want my mummy"he whimpers and tightened the grip on his knees. He sits like L from Death note and he looks possessed as he does it. I turn on the shower water to a medium temperature where it's not to hot to burn but not to cold to make you shiver. I can't give him his mum. I don't know who she is and where she is but for some reason it feels like she's not here anymore. The way he said mummy was to broken for her to be here looking after him.
"Where's your mummy?" I ask gently as he takes off his top and throws it on the floor. I can see his ribs and they seem to be bruised and protruding through his pale skin. He's still more brown than me though. He shrugs to my question and puts his hand under the shower, accidentally stepping to close to me as we touch hips and he quickly moves away. Once Charlie knows the waters a good temperature he walks in and closes the slid able door with a loud bang. I look at the sink and see a shiny blade sticking out from under a pot, I quickly grab it and it's really hard not to sink it into my arm right now. I did look at his whole body though and he didn't seem to have any scars on his wrists, stomach or thighs, the usual places for self harm.
"My mummies looking after me. But she's not doing a good job" Charlie says and starts to rub his body with some body wash. I wonder if he's talking about her as if she's a angel from heaven and she's meant to be looking down at him and helping him but she's not doing very well because of what just happened to him. I better leave now. Luckily he's still in his boxers as I reach for the door handle.
"Please d-don't leave me with my thoughts" I hear a stutter in his voice and I retract my hand from the handle and sit down on the floor, resting my back on the cupboard. Fuck I was going to cut myself when I was alone but now I can't. I haven't done it for so long and I need it so much. Like a human needs water. It's my life and I can't help but sound like a idiot when I say that. I wish I had a better hobby. I haven't drawn in a while and I probably should or else I might forget. Kind of like how you forget how to walk when you have pins and needles.
I sink the blade into my palm and I know about how many nerve endings it has and how stupid this is because everyone will see it but I don't care because as soon as I see the blood oozing out It feels like a good decision. The pain that was in my heart was gone and replaced by the mere pain of a cut. It's funny how it doesn't hurt because you did it yourself but if somebody else did it it would be agony. I like that I can do that to myself. It makes me feel stronger that I can live through self inflicted pain.
I hear the shower turn off and I immediately snap my eyes open, throwing the blade down and placing my hand under some cold water. But it just keeps bleeding and the sink water is filled with a orangy red. There's some blood drops on the floor and I'm breathing heavily because I don't want Charlie to find out that I'm weak too. I hiss as the water gets into a particularly deep part in the cut and then remove my hand, getting out a bandage from my cupboard and wrapping it around my arm. It's probably going to leak through but at least it will stop the bleeding. Guess there's no hiding It from Charlie now.
"Can you pass me the towel, please?" He asks and I quickly open the shower door and hand him a towel. He takes off the wet boxer shorts and throws them to the shower floor. Next wrapping the towel around him and as I thought only his head and ankles down were not covered by the massive nemo themed towel. I open the shower door and he steps out, keeping a distance from me, shivering as the cold air hits him, no longer protected by the warm heat of the shower. I get out my hair drier and plug it in. His hair looks like it would take a while to dry so I'll do it for him.
"Can I blowdry your hair?" I ask and he nods slowly. I turn it on to the highest setting and start drying his hair, trying my hardest not to touch him and ruffle his hair so I can get to all the corners. Instead I tell him to move his head in different directions and luckily he agrees. After about ten minutes I ask him if it's dry and he says yes so I put it away.
"Charlie I know it's going to hurt and your going to freak out but I need to bandage some of the deep cuts on you and also disinfect them" He freezes on the spot and sucks in a deep breath. The towel which has now dried him has dropped to the floor and I turn away as he puts on a pair of fresh boxers which I brought in for him, as well as a way to large top for his body and some trackies from two years ago back when I had PE, of course they're washed.
"Okay" He mutters and breathes out slowly. Thank god he said yes which was very much to my surprise but maybe he sees that my touch doesn't hurt him. I take out my disinfectant and some cotton pads, pouring the disinfectant on them. I grab a hold of one of his arms which has got a long cut down and he flinches back and growls again.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting it!" He cries and puts out his arm which I lightly let my fingertips touch to get his adjusted to the feeling and then I get my cotton pad and warm him what I'm about to do. He says he's ready and I start to dab at the cuts, trying to ignore his hisses an growls from the pain. Fucking disinfectant is horrible and stings so bad. It's worst than the actual cuts. Once I'm finished with the first cut I bandage it up which requires me holding his arm and the whole time Charlie's got his eyes closed tightly shut. He's whispering things under his breath which i can't catch but I don't think they're swear words.
About half an hour later I have finished disinfecting all his 24 cuts and only bandaging the ones which are on his legs or arms. If I touched his belly I think he would freak out big time. By the last few cuts he was more relaxed and was actually accepting me touching him but whenever I moved my hand to a new place he would tense up. I wish he wasn't afraid. But maybe it takes him a while to open up to people. I mean I am a stranger he met in a park in the early morning when it's still dark and I offered to take him home. I'm surprised he actually accepted but than again I don't scream danger.
I get a mattress from Gary's bedroom which they used to have for guests. Back when we were happy. But oh how times change. It's kind of dirty and flat but it's the best I can get because I can't sleep in the same bed as Charlie. I roll it out and put a blanket on top so that he's not lying on the actual mattress. That's followed by a thicker blanket because we don't own a duvet and I guess he'll just have to deal with it. Actually no I can't do that to him I'll give him my duvet, after all I have clothes I can sleep in.
He lies down on the mattress and shuffles around till he finds a comfortable spot. Which happens to be lying on his right side and facing my bed. He keeps his eyes wide open though and I remember that he's probably scared I'll hurt him once he's asleep. I remember I need to tell the school I'm not coming in so I get my phone and text them quickly, signing off with "from Mrs Lester". I saw the text Dan sent me but I didn't reply because I'm still angry as hell at him. He's just getting what he deserves. I feel horrible saying that but I'm a mean and disgusting person and anything Dan does is heavenly compared to me. Not surprised that he chose his family over me. But it's just human nature to be angry.
"So how old are you Charlie Skies?" I ask and turn to face him instead of lying on my back and staring at my swirly white ceiling. I wait for a answer but it seems he's zoned out and looking blankly at the gap between the bed and the floor. He sits up and curls into himself, with a terrified look on his cute face.
"I don't want the Monsters under the bed to get me. There always there you know. I've seen them myself. They have these bright red eyes that stare at you and these black nails on their hands that make their reptile skin. Their all black and that's a sign of evil. They always attack me when I'm sleeping and that's why I have a bunk bed, can't reach me there only on the floor. They scare me" Charlie stares right into my eyes and he has so expression on his face. Its a blank canvas waiting to be painted. I open up my arms waiting for him to crawl into them but than I realise that he doesn't like anybody touching him. I put them back down and just pat the bed so he sits next to me, which he quickly accepts and almost jumps on, getting away from the floor. He's acting as if he's just seen a messed up horror movie and can't live properly for a couple days till It leaves his memory.
"I'm 14 by the way. Can you tell me your name?" He mumbles and puts his knees under the cover as he leans his back against the wall like I am. Charlie wiggles his toes and hides them under the duvet, making sure to put some of the duvet under his feet, creating a barrier. He's so young, well to me anyway because he's so skinny and bony. 14 isn't even a young age, you understand most things then. I can't believe that I haven't even told the kid my name yet. It's like the first thing you should tell somebody.
"Phil. My names Phil Lester" I smile warmly at him and he smiles back, leaning his head against the wall and whispering my name under his breath as if he's checking it's nice to say. He closes his eyes and relaxes his body more. He whimpers an then snaps his eyes back open, breathing heavily and snatching the cover up past his head. I leave him for a second before putting it back down for him and he looks over to me, his bottom lip trembling.
"Can you h-hold my hand till I fall asleep?" He pleads and puts his shaking hand out for me to grab. I smile an nod, why would I deny him? I follow his eyes looking at my hand and I slowly move it towards his, making sure he doesn't freak out when I finally touch him. I let my finger tips trace his hand before placing it over his and interlacing my fingers with his. His hand was clammy but I didn't care because Dan has to deal with that all the time. He squeezes my hand and I rub the back of his hand with my thumb, making little comforting circles until I feel his hold on me relax and his breathing become slow. I decide not to let go because it feels nice, not in a romantic way because I'm only in love with Dan Howell but because it makes him feel safe, and I know how much I want to be held at night.
DANS POV
Schools over and I didn't see Phil, not once. I honestly feel like he didn't even come to school today and I feel so bad and shit I wanna kill myself for being such a imbecile. He never replied to my text and it's already been like over 6 hours and I just want to know he's okay. He hasn't got a iPhone and that means it doesn't tell me if he's read it so I don't know whether he's seen it and is ignoring me or hasn't seen it and replied. He has every right to be angry at me.
The kids are out the house today and me and Jade have decided to go to a restaurant. It's a really fancy place I booked because she says that we need to spend some alone time together and I completely agree. I need to get my mind off Phil. Fuck I'm cheating on her and I hate myself for it but I love them both and right now the choice is too hard to make so ill be selfish and have them both to myself. I'm so scared that they'll find me with Phil and that's why I run away from the people at the top of the cliff in the first place. I don't want to get arrested. It would ruin my whole life and my families lives are at steak, I can't risk that. That's also a excuse for running away and leaving Phil down there. Couldn't let Jade get suspicious.
"Babe we have to leave in 20 minutes! Be ready!" I shout from downstairs as Jade gets ready for the restaurant. I sit at the breakfast bar scrolling through my twitter feed and seeing some funny celebrity tweets. My friends Sprinklofglitter just made a new YouTube video and It made me laugh a lot after watching it, she is such a naturally funny person and never ceases to make happy. I love YouTube and I wish I started it myself but I guess that it's too late now and my life started to early, didn't have time to have fun. Sure they say it's never to late but I have a family and I'm not attractive or funny enough. Sure I have interesting topics to do videos on but it's a stupid idea.
"I'm ready Dan! Get your ass out here" She yells as she puts on some black velvet heels with a red sole, apparently they are really expensive and a amazing brand but I don't really understand this girl shoe thing. I wear whatever looks depressing enough (mostly black shades) I look at Kanye West as a fashion icon. Take that as a joke please, I mean I'm mostly joking...
"My pleasure madam" I joke and open the door for her whilst she just laughs at my attempt to be a gentleman but just replies with "Thank you kind sir". Our relationship is the best because we just find so many things funny. We get in the car and have a five minute silly fight over what radio station we should listen to, in the end she wins because sometimes I like to be nice to her and make her smug. Jades really into pop music and especially One direction, she even got a poster of them in her office room, along with Katie perry, kesha, Justin bieber (big mistake, just kidding his music is okay but his personality needs work). And some more which cover the pale blue walls, we can't decorate houses for shit.
We get to the restaurant and we immediately get the booked seats under the name Mr Howell. The restaurant is very fancy with mahogany chairs with velvet cushions, making it extra comfortable to sit on. The floor is a chocolate brown wood and the walls a cream. Everything is very expensive looking and old. There's a crab tank near the entrance to the kitchen and they seem to have tons of room to swim (well till they're killed) It's kind of sad how humans control nearly all living things lives, killing them when we need and want and we are the strongest beings alive. We are the smartest and have technology that no other thing on planet earth can make. We rule this planet.
I grab Jades hand and lead her to our two seater table which is covered by a golden cloth covered with patterns and cutouts which make it look Indian themed. The great thing about this restaurant it that it gives you food from all countries, and my pick is almost always Indian. Jade usually chooses Chinese because her mum is Chinese and she was brought up eating Chinese food so she loves it and luckily so do i. I think British food just gets boring when you live your whole life eating it. I take out the seat for her and she smiles, she loves this part of me in a jokey way. I guess every girl likes to be treated like a posh Lady, it's a shame that not many guys would spoil their partners. It's a bitch that unless the guys do it nothing can happen because it's stereotype to be weird if a girl sets up a date. I wish they did because it would probably be a load better.
"Hello gorgeous Madam and Sir, what would you like to order tonight?" The overly posh male waiter asks, his funny moustache which is swirly at the ends moving every time he talks. How dare he call my wife gorgeous? I mean I know she is and he's just stating facts but it annoys me because I'm a jealous person. I give him a death glare and Jade laughs because she understands what's up with me. Her laugh is so hilarious and it makes me burst out laughing too, leaving the waiter confused. About a half a minute later we don't even know what we're laughing about but it's just funny because we're both laughing. Tears are streaming down my eyes and luckily Jade gets herself composed quickly before we get kicked out the restaurant from the commotion.
"I'll have a Chinese main meal with duck and egg rice and then some prawn crackers for desert" She says politely and looks over to me, smirking as she sees me wiping away some tears. How can she look so beautiful after practically having a mental breakdown? I swear she just doesn't age. Maybe it's like one of those commercials where the ladies looking young as ever but the husband has grey hairs and he doesn't know how she stays so young (British people will understand).
"I'll have a Indian with butter chicken, spicy rice and for desert I'll have a plain chocolate triple fudge cake slice with raspberries and a sprinkle of caramel sauce" I smile and he rolls his eyes behind the order booklet thinking I can't see. I literally only order things with extremely long names to annoy the waiters and they have to write it all down! Trust me as an adult things get less funny so you resort to making other people's lives your entertainment.
"And anything to drink for the lovely couple?" He asks one last time and I'm glad he's finally realised we're together and stop flirting with my wife. I check the drinks and it's mostly posh wine which I can't pronounce because it's in French and I failed my French, and then forget 3/4 of it because it's been over ten years. I see something that looks like the word coca cola but with some stupid dashes above the c's and o's. Of course I choose the least creative thing to order from the whole restaurant which is known for its selection of amazing wines.
"I'll have a coke with three ice cubes specifically and they need to be the exactly same shape as I have OCD and will complain. Make sure it's freshly opened because I hate flat coke and you have to wait for all the foam to disappear because foam makes me sneeze. Thank you" I say poshly and seriously and see Jade smirking, trying to stop herself from laughing out loud. I love making people laugh, especially her because sometimes I feel like we don't spend enough time together. But than again she's got a job and so have I and we have kids we need to look after.
"I'll have the hâteau Mont-Redon, please. But it needs to be with a yellow straw because I'm colour blind to every colour but yellow and I like to see in colour when I can. I need the whine glass to be plastic as well because my teeth are sensitive and glass gives my gums rashes. Thank you" She flutters her eyelashes at the guy and he just tries his hardest to smile the pain away but I know inside he wishes people like us didn't exist. I love that Jade and I can joke around so much, even in situations where we're meant to be serious. It makes life so much easier. You they they say laughing increases your life by ten seconds (highly doubt it but can't argue with Internet).
The waiter walks away quickly and I see him give a "I just can't anymore" glance to his fellow friend. I laugh at Jade as she tries to get some lipstick off her teeth, scrubbing with her index finger, we are so fucking classy ha.
The dinner goes so well with tons of jokes being exchanged and laughs. It's quite a perfect night but I don't even want to begin on the pay check. Soon my parents will stop supplying me with money when they realise how much of a waste I am to give it too. I don't do anything with my life and I am far from the perfect son. I think it's because they love Kyle and Becky so much that they would give everything for their grandchildren. I love that about some grandparents because they are so lovely and never stop spoiling you.
Once we get home, we walk upstairs and check all the rooms for any murderers, luckily we have the all clear. Yeah we never grew out that phase. We start laughing when we freak out over a creaking door and start running towards our bedroom, her in her knee high Chanel which isn't fun to run in. I jump on the bed and she jumps on top of me, laughing her ass off. My hands reach her face and I start to kiss her pink plump lips, getting rid off all that expensive lip stick.
I guess you can try and imagine what happens later in the night.

AUTHORS NOTE
So you could say I've been having the biggest writers block alive. And than also school is taking up my life. Important exams soon. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to update.
I can't even look at notifications because I feel so bad that people are reading and enjoying and I can't update it. So sorry guys.
But here is the next chapter I guess.
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