My love for you is illegal ( boyxboy)

Chapter 3

PHILS POV

Lesson ends and I'm kind of upset because even though I hate drama, I like to do absolutely nothing useful in it and just listen to music like usual. But in other lessons I actually have to do work, which sucks because I'm not at all intelligent, everyone tells me that so it must be true? I put my black backpack over my shoulders and look over at the teacher, or Mr howell who gives me a small smile and I blush like a idiot. Why I'm not sure, maybe it's because I'm not used to people smiling at me instead of hurting me. I'm the first to exit the door, which is now a routine for me so nobody can catch me in time to beat me up before the next lesson.

I rush towards the geography classroom with Mrs Helen, I hear she's been seen cheating on her husband, tut tut. But not that I give a shit, I don't exactly like her. She always picks on me when she knows I don't know the answer to her question and I'll just look like a idiot in front of the class. I wish she knew how much pain I'm already in. She's also strangely happy and chirpy all the time and its refreshing for once to see a teacher who's not on the verge of sleeping but at the same time she speaks way to loudly and I can't properly zone out.

I'm lucky I have a place near the biggest window in class, which looks out onto a field with trees and flowers. Occasionally I see rabbits hopping around and once I saw a deer but it quickly stuttered back into the forest probably scared by the hell we are in. But mostly I completely block out the outside and just drown in my own imagination, I wish I could always stay there. The characters I make are so kind and caring unlike in real life and they always respect me and love me, it sounds childish but it brings me peace.

Mrs Helen starts babbling about some useless crap I'll never need in life, so it's my time to zone out the real world filled with bastards and into the imaginary. I'm ever so tired, I can feel my eyelids battling to stay open and awake. But it's a losing battle and I feel intoxicated by the feeling of sleep, I don't know when I fall asleep but I was glad that I could escape my nightmare.

-dream-

"You fat bastard!" Screamed Gary at my curled up body. I whimpered and he gave me another hit of the bat, which was coated in my dirty dark blood. I couldn't move I felt paralysed and helpless, just like in real life I guess.

Suddenly I see a brown haired boy with a rope walking towards me from the distance. He's getting closer but his expression is mutual and his eyes are pitch black. He shows no signs of weakness or sadness towards the situation he sees me in. As he steps even closer to my face which is dripping with my tears and blood, I realise who the dark figure is. It's Mr howell.

I whisper a small please even though its useless and he hands me a rope, it's tied in a perfect neck sized, round loop.

"Kill yourself, nobody will care" he whispers coldly into my ear and I tie it around my pulsing neck. I feel scared but also relieved, it's something I've been thinking about for a while but I've been to weak and worried to finally try it. But now it's confirmed, even the person who seemed like they slightly cared has told me to kill myself. So I guess it's final, Phil lester is going to kill himself.

I stand up from my position on the floor, surprisingly feeling no pain just a light feeling in my body, pure happiness and confidence. I see a chipped,brown wooden chair in a spotlight, with a fitted light fan over it and I guess this is it, this is what my life has been leading up to, or well the part that I lived anyway. I walk towards the chair, slowly and carefully to not mess this up. I tie the top of the heavy rope around the light fan and place the little hoop around my neck. I can see dan looking strait at me still showing no emotion like previously, I guess nobody did actually care.

-the end-

I wake up from shock and the kid next to me falls off his chair which I kick with a sudden reflex. I run out the lesson and into the empty hall. It's almost like a scene from a horror movie, abandoned halls and just waiting for a ghost or some man with a dagger to appear and rip your heart out. I sit down next to the lockers and breath heavily, running my hand through my sweaty hair. That nightmare really freaked me out! What if its a message though? What if nobody will care if I kill myself they will probably encourage it. But its not that easy, I wish it was though, have to find a ceiling fan or light that will hold my fat body up and buy a rope which I don't have money for, then where will I kill myself? Why can't I just die already with the click of my fingers.

My sobs are the only noise filling the hall but then I hear footsteps. Crap where do I go? If a teacher sees me they'll just make me return to the lesson and let the kids make fun of me not that they wouldn't anyway. The footsteps are getting louder and I shuffle round a corner and hold my hand over my mouth to not let any noise out.

I hear their breathing is quite fast, might have gotten worn out by the stairs. Definitely not the horrible PE teacher who always tells me to stand up for myself and that I should be a man, the guy doesn't even teach me!

"Phil?" I hear them say. And I recognise the voice, it's Mr howell! Fuck he doesn't actually care about me, I can't let him find me like this. I don't want his pity. He comes round the corner and I pretend I can't see him.

"I can see you, what's the matter?" He says quietly, and grabs my arm which I instantly push off myself, much to his surprise. Oh nothing is the matter. I just want to kill myself and cut myself till I bleed so much that I'll just pass away. I don't want to live anymore because nobody cares about me. But of course if I said that he would call for a teachers help and that's the last thing I want.

"nothing go away" I say sternly and he strokes my hair which I secretly like but I'm gonna
pretend I don't so I move away from him and tighter into the lockers.

"Yeah because your crying and shaking in the middle of the hall and nothing is the matter" he says sarcastically and once again moves his hands on to my jawline, trying to get me to look at him. But I don't want him to pretends he cares when he just feels sorry for me. Why are adults such liars!

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I shout and run pushing him out the way. I don't know where I'm going but I can hear him calling my name and attempting to run after my worn out legs. But his skinny jeans are not going to get him far, at least mine allow some flexibility. I run and run till I reach the forest I could see on the from out my Geography window. I hide behind a big oak tree which is thicker then me by a lot and covers my whole body. I pant and remember I don't have my backpack, great now I don't have my blade. What am I going to do till the last Lesson, which I need to come to or else they will probably call the police or something. I grab a sharp looking twig and run the tip harshly against my wrists which are screaming to be torn to flesh and blood. It doesn't help a lot but it gives the near same feeling on a lower scale. It opens up previous wounds and I finally see the glorious blood I hoped for.

I fall asleep under the tree knowing nothing could harm me anymore. Well for now. I kind of wish I could hug somebody though because I miss hugging people. Especially Mr howell. But I can't think about him because he's a liar and he doesn't actually like me it's just his first day and he's trying to make a good impression.

DANS POV

I look around everywhere for phil but I can't fucking find him. I'm so frustrated right now for letting him run away, I know he's vulnerable and honestly not in a great mental state. I've visited his previous lesson and Mrs Helen told me that he ran out the classroom after falling asleep and probably having a nightmare then she continued with the lesson. Why did nobody care? School systems are so messed up. I remember when all the teachers didn't care about me as well and I wished there was somebody I could tell about the bullying but nobody seemed trustworthy and they would probably just have said something along the lines of 'stand up to them and give them some of their own medicine' which for one did not work. Because when I did that finally they beat me up so much, I had broke two ribs, nose and had internal bleeding. Than spent 1 week in hospital and got a bandage on my arm which they cut with a wire they found in the field, I still have a scar to remind me.

I can't imagine what phils doing right now but I don't think it's good. Why is he always on my mind? When I was teaching the other class all I could think about how I hope he's going to be okay.

I decide to return to my 3 hour lesson and hope to catch phil later in the day.

PHILS POV


I wake up from a surprisingly peaceful nap and start to return to school. Now would be a good time to have a clock so I could see if its actually the last lesson but I decide to take a guess and just go in anyway. I walk into reception and look at the big wooden clock, 10 minutes before the last lesson so I'll just slowly walk there and wait till the other class come out. My last lesson was Maths, the worst lesson. I don't understand a single thing because I'm stupid and nothing wants to stay in my weird shaped head.

I pass by my geography lesson and check for my backpack but somebody's taken it! Fuck they might see my razor and then I'm dead. I start worrying and sweating from the nerves and somebody knocks on the door. I turn around to see a tall figure.

"Looking for this" he says smugly and I know it's Mr howell, why is he always getting in my way! I nod and walk up to him, attempting to snatch the backpack from his hands but he moves it out the way. I reach for if again and he moves it around, making me frustrated, he doesn't understand what's in there. I hope he hasn't looked. Why does everyone have to make fun of me.

"Give if back!" I shout and he passes me the backpack and mutters a quick sorry. I take it as my que to walk out and leave but he stops me by standing in the doorway. He steps away from the door and closes it, fuck he's gonna beat me up real bad for shouting at him.

But instead of what I thought he hugged me, by now I knew his hugs were the best. I lay limply in his arms hoping he would get the message that I don't care about what he does and nothing will make him like me, after all I don't need more pain in my life. But oh no this guy just never gives up, and I don't know whether it annoys me or not.

"Tell me what happened earlier and i will let you go" he says still holding me in his arms and by now I had hugged back, the question alone making me feel weak and sick. I don't want to tell him about the dream, I barely know the guy but yet I feel like he's the only person who's cared about me in a while even if it is just a act, after all he is a drama teacher for a reason.

"I had a nightmare" I admitted and that's all I was giving him. He doesn't actually care so if I act stubborn he will give up on me like everyone else in my life.

"What about?" Mr howell asks raising an eye brow and looking me in the eye. God those gorgeous brown eyes, they make me melt inside and all my walls I built crumble down.

"Nothing I want to talk about" I say and fold my arms, being stubborn and annoying as planned, maybe this is why I didn't have a lot of friends. That or that I'm a freak with depression, probably that one.

"You can trust me phil" Mr howell whispered in my ear and I hugged him extremely tight, I don't really know if he could breath but he was laughing so that was a good sign. It felt so nice to hug somebody again. But I wasn't going to tell him still, this didn't mean anything.

"I can't trust anybody" I whispered back in his ear and made a run for it, out the school and carrying my backpack after way to much time of separation. Maybe it wasn't so much the backpack that I missed but the blade. Definitely the shiny, sharp blade.


AUTHORS NOTE

HEY GUYS HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER AND IVE ALREADY WRITTEN CHAPTER 11 and STILL CONTINUING, CAN WE TRY FOR 10 votes this time? And thanks for all the lovely replies and tons of votes on this story so far :)))