My love for you is illegal ( boyxboy)

Chapter 5

DANS POV

"Dan! Are you even listening?" Jade waves her hand in my face and I come back to reality. Phil had been clouding my thoughts again, his eyes and the way I didn't hug back. I felt like a utter shit for treating him that way, how would I feel if that was me? I honestly wish i would have never met him at some points because he makes me feel so needy and i crave to make him better but i know i can't.

"Sorry, it's work, first day and I'm so tired and stressed" I say and walk upstairs not giving a single word to anybody. Jade huffs and I ignore her, I need to relax and get a grip on my life. I walk past Kyle's room and hear sniffling. Why's he crying, probably Kate, stupid Kate. I knock and he yells go away but I enter anyway, just like a typical parent. Although this is literally what my parents used to do and i used to get so annoyed with them. I don't really want to go into detail but the worst day of my life was when they walked on me masterbating to porn, and trust me, my mum and dad never walked into my room again and i even managed to obtain a lock from them which was the highlight of the expeireince, which ruined my realashionship with them and i didn't make eye contact with them for two whole weeks.

"I said Go Away!" He screams and covers his face with the pillow. I close the door behind me and sit beside him, making a dent in the bed. I sigh because i hated it when people saw me cry, maybe because im a ugly crier and my vains start to appear in my neck and my face goes red.

"What's the matter buddy?" I ask Kyle and he mumbles a nothing into the pillow. I pat his back as a source of comfort and let him know its fine to cry. I know people say that boy's don't cry but it's completely fine and everybody has a sensitive side.

"I'm so stupid" Kyle looks up at me with teary eyes and punches the bed, his feet hitting the wooden edge of the bed and making him hiss and rub his foot. He wiped the tears from under his eyes and buries his face further into the pillow, if he does this for longer he'll probably suffocate.

"Why what happened? I'm sure it's not your fault" I reassure him and he lets out another loud sob and clutches the pillow harder. Okay maybe it is his fault then? Although I probably can't tell him that as it's not a very nice thing to say to your kid. Oh hey u got a detention, your fault kid, you have to hear them out before you make any kind of judgement.

"Because I didn't want to have sex with Kate" what? I thought he was excited for it, seemed like it. But then again my first time was jade and I was nervous as fuck. I remember me asking her about 20 times if she really wanted this and it kind of put the mood down but afterwards we laughed about it. Jade is actually not everything you think she might be, she's wasn't perfect when I met her but she's changed. She used to be a stripper and a prostitute, working nearly everyday and having sex with at least 10 guys a week, she was disgusted with herself but her family threw her out for getting shit grades in school and it was the only way to earn money and get her own apartment. A year later she met me in a park, waiting for some guy to pick her up but we started to talk and we became good friends and I started to have feelings for her. But by now I still didn't know why she was out every evening and drunk every night but I got it out of her one day and I told her she can live with me and I'll look after her. She kissed me and it went on from there, although she still went out every night and came back crying, it broke my heart and she just told be she has to make her own money but i couldn't let her so i convinced her in the end to quite and we started to be finally happy after i knew she wasn't fucking any other guys apart from me.

"Why?" Good question dan! Exactly what he wants to talk to you about, his sex life. Well I am a parent and I deserve to know why my kid is crying. It may seem stupid but talking about your problems is the best thing you can do even though it's also the most frightening. Because you know once you tell somebody all your secrets they are basically carrying your heart and thats a scary thing to think about because at any moments they could decide to hurt you, i guess thats why Phil finds it hard to talk to me.

"I was to scared, we were both naked and I told her that I couldn't do this, then she sent out a message to all her friends telling them" wow what a absolute bitch! Can't believe she would do something like that, that's even low for her standards. If she has any. I just realised how much of a judgemental guy I am, but that's horrible what she did to somebody who didn't deserve it. Kyle is such a nice guy and he would never do anything to hurt anybody. Once when he was five he cried because he stepped on a bird and for whole two days he refused to go outside and everytime he talked he would say he didn't do anything and we didn't understand what was happening till he told us about how he killed a bird, and then Jade realised it was the dead pigeon she saw on the road when they were in the park and he accidentely stepped on it thinking he killed it but it was already dead. We still laugh about now and Jade tells some of his friends, which makes them all tease him and make jokes about it but it's just banter, although personally i dont do it because i know i would hate it, but sometimes you can't help but tease them in front of their mates a little. I don't really know what it feels like because my mum was never really home or near me and i didn't have friends apart from a couple girlfriends, which wearn't that serious or really loved me, i was always a stand in for them to get over another more amazing guy.

"Aww I'm so sorry, she's an absolute bitch to do that. I knew she was no good and you can do way better" I reassure him and he nods slowly before I tickle him which makes him smile and then resume to give me a grumpy face abd tell me to get out his room. I obey and leave with a smile knowing I just helped my kid with a life obstacle.

I go to the bathroom and clean my teeth, looking at my bags beneath my brown eyes in the mirror. Wow waking up early does not do me good. I take off my cloths, the skinny jeans are always a relief to dispose of because they leave marks on my legs from where they were to tight and willie's are not the most comfortable in them. I step into the warm steamy bath, letting all my worries escape my mind for now.

I take out the head and shoulders shampoo and massage it slowly into my damp hair, closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling. Although Phil can never not enter my mind, he's always there in the back, waiting for me to think about him again. It's so wrong to have him on my mind but my thoughts are all innocent after all I have a wife and kids. It's just how much I want to succeed in helping him to get better and happier, maybe it's because nobody made an effort for me as a teenager that I feel obliged to do it myself. Maybe it's just phil and his vulnerable state and how I feel sorry for him and he doesn't deserve any of that shit. It's mostly probably school though, always gets me worked up and over imaginative after a long day.

I think today's going to be a long night.

PHILIPS POV

"Phil!" Mr howell shouts and I see him run towards me with a giant grin on his angel like face. His arms are outstretched and I soon feel myself heading towards him as well. It feels as if we are going in slow motion, like in a movie where two lovers are finally together again. But the only difference is that Mr howell would never like me, plus he's a teacher and that's illegal and wrong, though it doesn't stop my silly boyish thoughts about him.

He's less then a metre away and his smile turns into a evil grin with his eyes turning pitch black and he emits a loud cackle as he wraps his arm around me. I feel nothing completely nothing, till a huge wave of pain causes me to sink slolwy to the ground in a messy puddle of blood, with my mouth gape open but no noise is coming out. I realise the situation and see a massive knife stuck in my heart, yet I'm still alive even though the blood is spilling like a flood. I look up at Mr howell who is smiling at me and as he kneels down to my level, he places his hand on my cheek and gently strokes it.

"You deserve this" he says in a hushed, low tone voice.

I wake up startled from another nightmare also containing Mr Howell and this time it was worse then the other.

9pm, I hear somebody knock on my door and I know it's bad. Gary must have woken up from his sleep and he's out for me, to have a little 'fun' as he calls it. He turns the handle and I start to shake, his is evil laugh fills the silent house and my hands cover my ears like a child watching their parents scream and fight. I curl up into a ball, but as if that will help.

"Philip, I'm in a good mood today so you will get double tomorrow" Gary chuckles darkly and brings out his typical weapon, a baseball bat. I can tell that tomorrow he will get a knife, but I try and get those memories out of my head. I get in the beating position, which is lying on my stomach with my legs and arms out on the bed for a easy hit, it's funny how this has become a trained routine for me, i'm treated like an animal with my human rights in the trash. I feel the impact of the first hit already making my other previous, healing bruises throb and burn. This time he hits the back of my thighs and the long line of cuts which i embedded open up causing me to scream, never a wise choice. He sometimes makes little slits on my thighs because he knows it kills when I bend my legs and sit down.

"Bad bad boy Philip" Gary tuts and leaves the room, probably to get his gag which blocks out all my screams. He comes back holding a big red ball with ropes to tie around my head, he shoves it in my mouth causing my gag reflex to make me nearly throw up, although usually it's quite good when Ryan's nice on me . I bet that sick bastard would enjoy watching me throw up. Another hit followed by another and I feel the new bruises forming over the old ones, the pain is excruciating and I want to die then experience this, at least I wouldn't hurt anymore.

"We'll that's enough for today, but look forward to tomorrow" Gary chuckles and roughly removes the gag from my mouth which tastes of plastic and paint, probably poisonous. I wipe the swallowed spit from around my mouth and lay still, knowing that if I move any muscles I'll scream. But I need it, I need the blade now, I need all my demons and pain to escape me and make me feel like I'm alive again. I lift myself onto my hands and knees and start to crawl to my school bag with my blade in, what can I say sometimes school gets to much. I take it out and lean against my drawer, lifting my sleeve up and let out a breath of relief as I dig the sharp, old blade into my scabby scarred wrist, savouring the feeling of all my worries escaping me. It's a feeling that can only be understood by people who do the same because it brings relief and for that time you don't think about anything but the joy it's bringing you and how much you relax whilst it's happening. It's crazy I know, but seeing the blood is the best part because it shows me I'm alive and breathing even if I don't feel like I am, but the emptiness in me is being broken and taken away by a force, a force of a human that's different from the others. Once I make another 10 big cuts, I crawl over to my bed with my legs collapsing at some points from the pain, I slide into my bed and lay there trembling, to weak to cover myself with the duvet so I wait till my eyes start closing for themselves.

Maybe I won't wake up tomorrow. I doubt that though because the world hates me, it will do anything for me to live another day of this, another day of Gary, another day of self pity and another day of bullies. I guess most of us just can't the things we want in life as easily as others. I wish I was a perfect child, like Janet from my maths class, parents together, A* grades, rich and spoilt, intelligent and she's wearing cloths that nobody can afford. I wish I could be normal.
If only I could go down the halls without being pushed and called "fag" or "cock boy". If only I could go a day without cutting myself, no matter how much or how little. If only I could go a while without Gary hitting me or punching me till I can't feel anything. If only I could be a happy teenager with a perfect family.

My last thought is Mr Howell and his perfect smile that's plastered on his face, how happy he always is, and how that beautiful hair of his fits so perfectly on his gorgeous face. At least Mr howell will keep me happy for a while.


UNKNOWN POV

I need to find him, and when I do I'll kill him.




AURTHORS NOTE

sorry this chapters so short but i hope you start to get a understanding of phil's pain and how much dan wants to help him. Also get a little insight of dans family and past.

Ohh drama from a mystery guest who will make a appearance later in the story

Please keep voting and commenting because i want to see if we reach 25 votes before Tuesday, i'll post it a day early :D If not regular schedule