Dixon's Daughter • The Walking Dead

56: Explanations

Emma's P.O.V

It was morning now. All the bodies had been taken care of, little do I know where they went, but they had been taken care of.

Rick was sitting outside of the SUV, blood all over the bottom portion of his face. Carl and Michonne were inside the SUV, Carl was still trying to sleep. I bet he couldn't though. It hurts me that I'm not with him, but I don't want to push anything.

Him and Michonne have clearly gotten close. I just want to be able to hug him, as ridiculous as that sounds. I still haven't gotten to hug him. To be honest, I don't even know if him and I are still together.

Last night, I very well could've messed that all up. I should've never opened my mouth.

What will be left of me if I have lost my everything? I'll still have my dad, but I had a dream for my life with Carl. Its crazy how much I could've messed everything up, with just one stupid decision.

I sat outside of the SUV right next to Rick. There was no way I could sleep, not with the night I had, not with all the stress and regret I had weighing down on me, not after what I had seen.

I don't know where my dad went, but I know he'll be back.

Right now, I just have an emptiness inside me.

Maybe I would have been better off if I had gotten bit. Then my dad wouldn't have to worry about me, Carl wouldn't be stuck with an annoying, unfaithful girlfriend. I wouldn't blame him if he broke up with me.

I can't believe I did that. I practically asked another guy to have sex with me. In what light did I see that as okay? How could I expect Carl to understand?

I fucked up, thats just the cold, hard truth of the matter. I just wanted to keep Carl from that. The feeling of violation you experience after that is unreal, indescribable. I can't just let another person I love so much deal with that. What type of person would I be?

So there I sat, next to Rick. I currently regret everything, mainly not getting bit... I know I messed everything up, which I regret beyond explanation.

The amount of guilt I have rushing through me, would out weight the size of the titanic.

My dad came back from the depths of the woods with a bottle of water.

He pulled a rag from his back pocket and began soaking it in water.

"We should save it to drink." Rick suggested.

"You can't see yourself, he can." Dad replied.

Rick took the dampened rag from my dad.

"Hey Em, you should try and go get some rest." Dad suggested to me.

I shook my head no, maintaining a blank expression, not even looking up at my dad, just staring off into nothingness. I can't go in there.

Dad sat down next to Rick.

Rick had already began wiping his face off.

"I didn't know what they were." Dad began.

Rick nodded. "How'd you wind up with them?"

"I was with Beth. We got out together. I was with her for a while." Dad explained.

"Is she dead?" Rick asked.

"She's just gone." Dad replied. He paused, but continued. "After that, that's when they found me. I mean, I knew they were bad, but they had a code. It was simple. Stupid, but it was something. It was enough."