I had a check-up appointment today. I got up early so I could shower before and now I stood in front of my closet, contemplating what to wear. I ended up choosing a pair of my loose-fitting skinny jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. I decided that I didn't really need to impress anyone today, so why dress up? I practically skipped up the stairs because my body didn't feel as weak for once.
"You seem in a cheery mood," my dad commented from the table. He was reading the newspaper and sitting next to Caleb who was eating a bowl of cheerios and making a mess.
"I am, I suppose," I responded with a smile. "Is Caleb coming with to the check-up?"
"Yeah. Your mom had a meeting this morning she couldn't miss and day care is off today."
"That's fine. I like it when this little bugger comes along," I said and pinched his cheeks.
"Maddie, stop!" he squealed and made even more of a mess of his cereal.
"We have to leave in a few minutes if we don't want to be late, dad," I told him as I slipped my feet into my converse that were sitting by the front door.
"Gosh, you're in a hurry. Usually I have to drag you out of bed."
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt strong today. I felt like I could do anything.
**********
And then I got the news from the doctor and I didn't feel so strong anymore.
"Madison, dear. Sit down," he gestured to the blue padded chair in front of him. I wasn't sure why I couldn't just stay sitting on the examination counter, but apparently I needed to sit in this particular blue padded chair in front of him. I stared at the doctor in front of me, with his whiting hair and his white lab coat covering his thin frame. "We have come to the decision to stop your chemo treatment. We feel as though it will only make things worse for you and we want you to enjoy your time left."
"Stopping my chemo?" I repeated, wide eyed. This meant that I really was coming to the end. "Is it not helping me anymore?"
"Chemo can make you feel sicker and weaker than you already are from the cancer and we don't want that if the chemo isn't going to prolong your life, which we don't see doing."
I nodded slowly and my dad placed his hand on mine. It used to comfort me, this gesture but now his hand felt like an unnecessary pressure on mine. I took his hand and placed it back on his lap as I stood up. I needed to get out of that room. It was feeling stuffy and cold at the same time. I walked into the hall, expecting my dad to follow but he didn't.
I knew Calum was working today, so I wandered down the halls until I found him, carrying a clipboard. I burst into tears the moment I saw him, stopping a distance away from him.
"Madison?" he questioned, walking up to me and grabbing onto my elbows.
"I'm sorry. I'm not meaning to cry like this, but..." and I couldn't finish. I couldn't get the words out.
"What is it baby? Did your appointment not go well?" He wrapped his arms around me and I instantly felt better, like I was strong again. I shook my head, getting his scrubs soaked with my tears. "What happened? Did the cancer spread more?"
I shrugged, not knowing the answer to that question. "They're stopping chemo."
"Oh, Madison. That could mean anything," he said, grasping at straws to make me feel better.
"But it doesn't, Calum. It means I'm dying soon. I had a feeling it was going to happen, but now it feels real."
Calum took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. Let's walk you back to your dad, ok? I need to get back to work, but I have a surprise for you tomorrow. Doesn't that sound nice?"
"I hate surprises," I mumbled.
"You love surprises and you're going to absolutely love this. Just be ready at five, ok?"
"Do I have to dress nice?"
"Wear whatever you like. You could even wear your hospital gown and you'd still look beatiful."
"Stop that!" I pushed him in the chest as we reached the room where my dad was.
"I'm going to tell you that you look beautiful as many times as I can, Madison and you can't stop me." He pecked my lips, before saying. "I gotta get back to work, but be ready at five. Don't forget!"
I smiled as he walked away, wondering how he could always make me feel better.
*********
The next night I had practically my entire wardrobe scattered around my room because I couldn't decide on what to wear. I collapsed backwards onto my bed in the pile of clothes with a groan. I wished that Calum had given me some sort of hint at what we were doing.
"Madison, honey? Are you alright?" my asked, bursting into my room.
I sat up slowly so I didn't wear myself out. "Uh, yeah. I'm just trying to decide what to wear," I let out a little laugh.
She placed a hand over her heart and said, "thank goodness." She stared at the masses of clothing surrounding me and put a finger to her chin in thought. "I was going to save this for something else, but I think you can have it early. Hold on," she said and disappeared out of my room. She came back a moment later with a dress in her hands.
"Mom, that's gorgeous," I gasped. "What did you get it for?"
She shrugged. "I just saw it in the store one day and I thought it would look pretty on you. You deserve to have another pretty dress."
I stood up and she handed me the dress. The top part was a cream pattern while the bottom was peach colored tulle with a belt around the waist. "Are you sure this isn't too much?" I asked.
"Calum is going to love it," she smiled.
"Thank you," I gave her a hug and I was finally happy with where my relationship was with her. She hadn't once made me feel like a burden since we talked things out and she had even been telling me that she loved me.
She left and I changed into the dress. I wanted to wear heels with it, but I wasn't sure that I could handle walking in them all night, so I settled on a pair of flats. Calum was going to be there any minute by the time I was finally ready and I rushed up the stairs. Sure enough, his Honda was parked in the driveway when I got upstairs.
He got out and opened my door like the gentleman that he was, saying "You look beautiful as ever, Madison."
I blushed, smiling. "Thanks Cal." Once he pulled out the driveway, I asked where we were going.
"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now, would it?" he cocked his head to the side and just turned up the Paramore CD that was playing.
I shook my head and started to sing along. Calum stole a glance at me and I thought it was because I was a horrible singer (which I was), but he just flashed me a smile and squeezed my knee where his hand had been resting.
Awhile later, he pulled into the cooking school downtown. "What are we doing here?" I asked.
"Surprise, Madison. Come on or we're going to be late." He climbed out and walked to my side of the car and helped me out. He laced his fingers with mine and I wondered what he was getting me into.
Heyyy (: i just want to say thanks again for reading this because it means so much to me and i truly love writing it. please vote and comment xx zoe
p.s. i attached a picture of the dress she's wearing.
