Why not you? I replayed the words in my head as I stood there, frozen. He thought I was special? I realized he probably thought I was crazy now, standing there, practically shaking.
"Do you run here a lot?" I asked, trying to change the subject. I squeezed my eyes shut at my awkwardness of asking questions, feeling somewhat humiliated.
He laughed. "Pretty much everyday. Aussie and I need to stay fit." I reopened my eyes and raised my eyebrows. He was definitely fit.
"I really like that name, Aussie. Did you get him after you moved here or did you have him when you were in Australia?" We began walking toward a bench on the side of the path, Caleb following along staying as close to Aussie as possible.
"After we came here. Yeah, I named him to remind me of home. I miss it a lot actually. A lot more than I thought I would, but I think I'm doing alright here in the states. It's just a lot to get used to."
"I bet," I nodded. "I've always wanted to go somewhere," I leaned back in the wooden park bench, dreaming about what it would be like to ride on an airplane. To be high in the clouds, going that fast. I wondered what it would be like to explore somewhere I'd never been, eat foods I didn't know the names of, hear languages I didn't understand. All things I would never experience.
Calum twisted so he was sitting sideways, bending one of his legs up onto the bench. "What are you thinking about?"
"It's not that interesting," I replied. I pulled my legs up to my chest as a form of comfort. My vans hung off of the bench a little and I rocked them up and down, staring blankly at them.
"Why do you say that, Madison?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Why do you always use my name when you're talking to me?"
"Do you not like it?"
"I was just wondering." I bit my lip.
"My mom always taught me to address people by their names, but if I'm being completely honest I think I just like your name."
My lip slipped out from between my teeth at his words. "Oh, then maybe you should keep doing it," I said shyly.
His laughter filled my ears. "Ok. Since you asked me something, you have to answer my question now."
I shook my head. "You don't wanna know what I was thinking about, Calum. I'm not that interesting." I looked at Caleb sitting on the pavement in front of us with his legs sprawled out in front of him. Aussie was standing in between his legs, trying to lick his face. Caleb's face was lit up with a big smile.
"Try me."
"You're not going to give up are you?" I tugged at the strands of hair near the nape of my neck.
"Do you not want to be friends, Madison? Friends open up to each other."
I sighed at the word friends, but decided to tell him. "You were just talking about being in a new place, like here." He nodded along. "And I was thinking about how because of the cancer I won't get to experience that. I don't even get to experience the normal things - like public school or driving or just everything!" I threw my hands up.
"Maddie?" Caleb struggled to stand up and stood before me, his curly hair going in every direction.
I bit my lip and turned towards him. I had forgotten that he was there for a moment and should've watched what I was saying. "Yeah, bud?"
"Are we going home?"
I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans, thankful he wasn't asking about my outburst. "Sure," I nodded. "Dad probably wanted us back a long time ago anyway." I stood up from the bench and took ahold of my little brother's hand. "It was good to see you, Calum," I forced a smile before turning away.
"Madison, wait!" he called. I spun around and looked back at him now standing with Aussie at his feet. "I have the day off tomorrow, so I was wondering if you wanted to hang out."
"Uh, sure," I agreed, trying not to sound too eager. It sounded like he was asking me out on an actual date, but I couldn't be sure.
He flashed his smile. "Great. Let me give you my number." I pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to him. I watched attentively as he punched in the numbers and handed it back to me, our fingers brushing.
"Thanks, see you tomorrow." We walked off in the opposite direction of him and Aussie and I resisted the urge to look back at him.
"Is he your boyfriend, Maddie?" Caleb asked.
"No, silly. He's just a boy I met at the hospital," it was the truth but really, I thought so much more of him.
hi (: sorry for taking awhile to update and if this is kinda short. i've been so busy and i'm getting ready to go out of town for spring break. I hope everyone is having a great week so far! xx zoe
