Fame Crazy (Sequel to Strings Attached)

Chapter 183

Castiel gives his dog one last hug. "I love you, Misha. I'm sorry."

That's the last time Castiel feels him breathe. He can't bring himself to watch, but he stays in the room, as if his presence will provide some comfort to the dog. He can only hope Misha didn't know what was coming, that he thought it was just a normal road trip. Hopefully, this was more painful to Castiel than it was to him.

Castiel brings Misha's body to his car. He'll take it to get cremated later, when it's not snowing outside. Hopefully, tomorrow will work out better.

He eventually makes it home, and the first thing he does is make some hot chocolate. It's impossible to be sad with hot chocolate, right?

Apparently, that's not true, because it does nothing to dull the pain. He clutched his mug in his hands, fighting back tears as he walks into his bedroom, he catches sight of Misha's bed.

Misha used to walk around while Castiel was trying to work, stepping on all his papers. There are probably still pages of his song notebooks that have dog prints on them, if he was willing to look for them. It was annoying at the time, but Castiel would give anything to have Misha walk across his things now.

When Castiel feels the first tear roll down his cheek, he decides that it would be best to get out of Misha territory. Every room in this house is full of memories with the dog, but at least his songwriting room has more to it than that — he can look around at all his awards, feeling a slight pang of pride at the sight. It's better than nonstop thoughts of Misha, at least.

Castiel sits down on the floor, putting one of his Grammys in front of him. He knows it's ridiculous to think a happy thought will cancel out the grief he feels at the loss of his dog, but maybe it will help a little bit.

Castiel decides to check Instagram, because his fans being dorks usually puts him in a better mood. If nothing else, it will hopefully get his mind off it. That's the difference between Instagram and Twitter — Instagram builds people up, but Twitter is a war zone. He'll stick with his happy place today.

Until the app loads, and the first thing he sees is a screenshot of twitter, with the trending hashtag "CastielIsOverParty" on top. He wants to skip past the post, to stay with the happy theme, but curiosity gets the better of him, and he has to look into this, starting with the caption.

"I've never been the number one Lucifer stan, but after this, he's literally my least favorite person on this planet."

Castiel just stares at that uncomprehendingly. What the hell are they talking about? There's no way Lucifer started the "Castiel is over party."

But what did?

Curiosity winning out, Castiel switches to Twitter. Sure enough, that tag is the first one he finds, and he searches it, scrolling through the most popular tweets.

"Who would've thought Lucifer would start the #CastielIsOverParty? It's been a long time coming. Welcome to the smart people side, @YourFavSatan."

So it was Lucifer. He never tweeted the tag, or it would have shown up first, so what the hell did he do?

"Castiel took a year off but still literally doubled his ticket prices, his songs are absolute garbage, and he's still getting nominated for awards just because he's gay. I call bullshit. #CastielIsOverParty."

"@YourFaveSatan finally snapped and I am LIVING #CastielIsOverParty."

"lol even Lucifer can't put up with Castiel's shit #CastielIsOverParty."

"I've been waiting for the #CastielIsOverParty for way too long."

"I saw the #CastielIsOverParty trending and I just had to join in. It's a fucking miracle. Does this mean I don't have to hear his shit on the radio anymore?"

"My favorite part about the #CastielIsOverParty is that I barely see any of his fans fighting it. Hell, even his brother is on board. He really is over lol."

He was hoping he would find some proof that that's not true, that his fans would be among the top comments, preaching positivity as he would be, but they're right. All the most popular tweets are in favor of his career ending. And apparently, it's all Lucifer's fault.

Castiel chucks his phone at the wall, knowing it's probably broken beyond repair, but he doesn't care. He pulls his legs into his chest, burying his face in his knees.

He always knew the day would come when people stopped caring about him, but he didn't think it would happen all at once, and definitely not at the hands of his own brother. That's how celebrities' careers die, though — with thunderous applause.

It's about time, he supposes. Seven years of climbing the chart is a god legacy to leave behind, but he didn't deserve it.

What's his problem? He just watched his dog die, and then his career. He might as well be next.

"No, no, no," Castiel mutters to himself. "You're not doing that again." He doesn't have his dog to save him anymore, but he can save himself.

He opens the curtains, revealing his large picture window, so he can watch the snow fall. Maybe he'll see the sunset, too, if the storm isn't too bad. It does seem to be calming down outside, and it's the little things in life like this that he often overlooks. It's rather calming to watch, not that it does much to help his mood.

So instead, he does the one thing he knows he can always do when he's upset. He writes a song, just to get what he's feeling out of his system, so maybe he can move on. And, for once, the author wrote it, too.

It's two am I'm in bed all alone
It's cold and it's lonely but it's what I call home
I guess it's better alone in the dark
Than in the hands of some untrue story arc

Every move I make
They call a mistake
I'm doing my best
But the criticism never rests

Smiles and rainbows are my daytime lie
When night hits, I'm stuck wondering why

Why they think that's what I'm worth
Why I'm still stuck here on this earth
When I know I'd do just as well
Dead or alive, in heaven or hell

They say I'm not alone, there are other like me
I guess they don't realize we're all broken separately
Reaching out will never work
When every time, we're all afraid of getting hurt.

Maybe it's me, replacing my faith with fear
I'm still learning to trust, but it's hard when there's no one here

I still have the scars
In my mind, on my arms
And no amount of make believe
Will even make them fade from me

So I put up these walls and disguise them as windows
So they just see the me they want to know