Hi, my name is Caitlyn Shaffer. This is my journal. Inside it contains all of the emotions I've been experiencing lately. Some are good, some are bad. Yeah, mostly bad. Anyway, this is my story.
This is for people who suffer from or have suffered fr...
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A lot of things seem to bother me lately. School. Home. Friendships. Relationships. Or lack there of. I hate being at school, and all I can think of is going home and being alone. I hate being at home, and all I think about is being with my best friend. I hate being around people and making new friends, because I feel as though everyone around me is fake and actually hates me. And most importantly, I hate having emotions. I hate having feelings for people. I can't date because I'm far too insecure to be in a relationship because everything I do seems to be wrong. And even though it's too late to forget my feelings, I still can't tell him. Every time I get close enough to admitting it, I get scared, and back away into my corner again. There's no winning. But I get through it, Because I've learned to distract myself. At school, when I'm feeling nothing more than wanting to go home and be alone, I just put in my headphones and distract myself with schoolwork, books, or writing. At home, when I want nothing more than to escape the chaos that is my family and just be with my best friend, I sleep. When I'm in a situation where I'm surrounded by too many people, I make up excuses for my disappearance and go do something that makes me feel a little more at ease, like writing. When I feel as though my emotions are taking control, I seceed from anyone I'm talking to and go to be alone, not giving anyone the chance to learn my deepest, darkest secrets. I also make up excuses for why I can't talk about emotion. A lot of these distractions are unhealthy, I realize, but you've gotta do what you gotta do to distract yourself from overwhelming emotion that comes with life. Just find something that distracts yourself from the negative. You'll really start to see the positive.
