Looking Down the Barrel of a Brand New Day - COMPLETED

Ceci & Jack Interview

The Nursing Home Crime Texts was made a Wattpad Spotlight Featured Book, 2018. Ceci and Jack were interviewed by Wattpad's Mysty as part of that honor.

Mysty is a published, author, Watty 2016 Award Winner, member of Wattpad Futures, manages Wattpad Nonfiction, and assists in the Wattys. Mysty is a one-person dynamo and emerging Oprah of the e-publishing world. You can find the original interview, and explore Mysty's world at: MissMysteryGame

Interview:

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Ceci and Jack are two hilarious and VERY talented individuals. Jack is a lawyer and Ceci is a professional drummer and video producer. We had a lot of fun with this interview!

Mysty: How did you happen to stumble upon my profile? My guess is that you found me through the Nonfiction profile!

Jack: I believe it was a cold, lonely night while I was trolling the internet for companionship.

Ceci: I love Jack's response to this question. I'll add that the next day, he called me as excited as a kid that discovered a secret hideout to tell me about Wattpad.

Mysty: Some night. Now I have to ask--according to your profile blurb, those that write about their achievements in their blurbs are dicks. So am I a dick? XD

Jack: I have not had an opportunity to measure your dick-like tendencies, if any, so we can't say. What we can say is that since you have read some of our book, you are unlikely to be a dick, and like all our readers, statistically more likely to be hot, highly intelligent, and sexually robust. This is corroborated 100% by the scientific literature.

Ceci: I would say it's fine to mention your achievements up to a point. It's easier to read what someone else writes about you. Writing about yourself seems very difficult. All self promotion is awful if you ask me. That includes selfies. Ha!

Mysty: Even the word selfie creeps me out. Ick! But in the end, if you publish yourself you have to promote yourself; people will rarely do it for you! At least not until you have a great deal of success. On that note, with significant accomplishments of your own, what made you guys come to Wattpad?

Jack: We were driven to Wattpad by total failure. Our book is composed of live texts. Research shows that readers devour texts more rapidly, and for longer, than standard narrative prose. As proof, our friends power slammed our book like meth, while traditional publishers rejected us like Pope Paul shit-canned Galileo. We were swirling in a blizzard of rejection letters when we crashed into Wattpad. Now, the sun shines, beautiful readers abound, and beer flows like chocolate.

Mysty: The traditional publishing community is still lost in the Ice Age, so it comes to me as no surprise you wound up in a blizzard! What makes Wattpad different, and how would you rate your self-publishing experience so far?

Ceci: I see Wattpad as a very welcoming place. In my day we called it "Indy". I appreciate the independent forum opportunity within all art formats. In the Indy art/music world, there is no reason to not create. This is a place to look for gems.

Mysty: Speaking of gems, let's talk about your guys' book! True crime isn't a genre we see a lot on Wattpad. Can you tell us a little about it?

Jack: I see what your are trying to insinuate and you are 100% correct. We are the illegitimate bastards of Wattpad. Well I am. Ceci can speak for herself.

Ceci: Are you sure about that? Some of the stuff I see here is criminal. Haha, just kidding! Jack is writing what he lives. That's what makes it so engaging. I've always loved crime novels, which can be based on True Crime. Started out by reading Raymond Chandler novels from the 1930's-1940's.

Mysty: "Writing what he lives"--I guess that helps to answer my next question. Where do you guys get these crime stories and how do you know they're true?

Ceci: Yes, as I said, Jack lives these stories, they are absolutely true.

Jack: She's right, as always, but modest, as always. Everything is true because I am a lawyer and these are my cases, often reported to Ceci live from Court or the crime scene. Ceci is modest because as a prominent drummer, she adds accounts of hanging out with Hillary and Aretha Franklin or playing with the Romantics, Jonathan Richman, etc.

Mysty: Why did you decide to start writing a book about these things?

Jack: Have you ever rode a flaming roller coaster, or a car driven by a drunken, sobbing 14-year-old girl? You can't stop her because, you know, you're 12, she's drunk, and Derek just told her she's a slut and he's got a new girlfriend. So you hold on tight, and scream, "WE'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD! DUMPTRUCK!! DUMPTRUCK!!!" These are the things I text to Ceci during my criminal trials. At some point, we realized they make decent reading.

It's the future, dude.

Mysty: Although I'm sure the first thing people see on your book are the words NURSING HOME. I have to ask, because the book is quite interesting and varied, why you chose to feature a phrase that sends kids running for the hills? Or is that all a part of your devious plan?

Ceci: Why that title? Because Jack is hilarious, and yes, that title is indeed part of a devious plan! I'll let him explain.

Jack: Every blockbuster book is wildly successful not just on it's merits, but also due to riding a bigger pop wave: The Bible/salvation, Uncle Tom's Cabin/Abolition, 50 Shades of Grey/lady porn. What's The Nursing Home Crime Texts' pop wave? I think it's planning for a geriatric sweetheart. People spend a lifetime accumulating cash for retirement. What about love and sex? Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are rampant in nursing homes. Grandma and Grandpa are having sex! So, we're just saying, in addition to that 401K, pick a partner for the wrinkly years.

Mysty: WELL THEN.

Mysty: Eh-hem

Mysty: Eh-hem. So, do you have anything else to add (of equal candor) about yourselves or your book?

Jack: First, we have heard all the rumors. They are not true. Just because I live in Colorado does not mean I can send you weed. I'm a lawyer for God sakes. Second, thank you, Mysty. You have been like a sweet piece of pie with ice cream, and the same multiplied by the distance to Pluto goes for the peach-based life form, Ceci. And finally, third, I must confess a deep physical love for all our readers, even the future ones, although that concept is overly theoretical and electronically impersonal, like making out with a hologram of Casper the Friendly Ghost, but way hotter.

Ceci: XOXOXOXO

Mysty: Couldn't have ended it better myself.

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Dedicated to BG_Davies maryltabor chickenteeth jjeweled NineLight TSTurcotte

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Photo: Taken and owned by the authors, 2017.