31 || Lennon

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Why did I kiss Rowan? I asked myself over and over

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Why did I kiss Rowan? I asked myself over and over. Rowan was confessing his feelings for me one minute and the next I was telling him to stay still as I inched closer to him and laid my lips on his. I didn't regret kissing him, I just couldn't believe that I did it. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be the one to make the first move.

Rowan seemed so shocked as I kissed him, but I knew he must have liked it by the way he smiled as I kissed him. His lips were soft like velvet, definitely something a girl could get used to.

Despite the kiss I never thought of Rowan that way. I guess his confession made me want to try something bold and what was more bold then kissing him.

What the heck was I thinking?

But with the kiss brought a lot of questions. What were we? Did the kiss change our relationship? What do we do next?

I didn't want to read too much into the whole thing. I liked Rowan and he was a great friend. I didn't want to lose that. He made me happy and I was determined to hold on to that for as long as I could. Letting out a sigh I rubbed my neck, I needed to block out all the doubt I was feeling inside, the pain was eating me alive.

My phone buzzed and I grabbed it off of my bedside table. I unlocked it seeing that I had a text from Rowan.

Hey want to hang out today? Maybe go to the mall or something?

He was much bolder than me. After the kiss I just wanted to hid away from him embarrassed that I actually did it and that I liked it a lot. More than a friend should.

I stared at the screen and thought up a whole list of pros and cons on going to the mall.

1. I had a lot of homework I needed to get done.
2. Netflix just released the latest season of The Walking Dead.
3. Dakota wanted me to play cars with him last night and I promised I would today. There was no way I could break a promise to him.
4. Bradley would be working at the food court, so unless I stuffed my purse with snacks, I would starve to death in order to avoid him.

The only good thing I could come up with was I would be able to hang out with Rowan. I really did want to hangout despite my embarrassment.

I can't leave home today, but if you want to come over and hang out for a while you can.

After a few more exchanges Rowan was set to leave his house and come over to hangout for a bit. I couldn't contain my happiness and my nerves. What were we going to do?

Too many what if questions ran through my mind and I needed to get some quiet before Rowan showed up and my mind jumbled back up with thoughts of him.

Jumping out of bed I went over to closet door where a mirror hung. God, I looked awful. I was just wearing a pair of mom jeans and a baggy hoodie that belonged to my father back in college. There was no way a guy found all of this attractive. My hair was an even bigger mess, shoved up into a ponytail, not brushed from my shower the night before.

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