28 || Rowan

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I'd done it again

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I'd done it again. I kept messing up, taking it just a step too far. I said I wouldn't hurt her, I said she had nothing to be scared of when she was with me and I broke my promise. It was stupid of me to think that I could just get revenge for her and there would be no consequences. She was right, I put her in danger. Bradley could retaliate, because I couldn't keep a straight face and put aside the vulgar things he said. Then it would be my fault, because I made him angry. And I was sure I lost her.

My hands sifted the sand as I watched the waves roll up onto the shore and almost reach my feet. I needed to think of what to do next. My brain told me to stay out of it but my heart told me to put myself right back in the middle. Whenever I listened to my heart things seemed to go to shambles.

I took my phone out of my pocket. The glass was shattered. It was just a reminder of everything that happened. I shoved it back in my pocket, but that didn't silence the thoughts.

I kept going over everything in my head. My mind raced through every moment that had brought me to where I was, sitting on the beach, filled with regret.

What if I lost her? I put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes. I could just see how angry and hurt she looked.

"Lennon where are you going?!" I yelled, running to catch up with her. She refused to look at me. I never wanted to hurt her, it wasn't my intention. Why didn't she believe me?

"Where ever you aren't!" She hissed at me. I could hear the pain in her voice. I grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around to face me. Her eyes, said it all as they welled up with tears.

"Rowan..." At first I thought I dreamt her voice, like I just needed to hear it, but then I heard it again. "Rowan..." I spun around and jumped to my feet.

"Lennon..." I was speechless. I didn't expect to see her. I didn't expect her to speak to me every again.

"I thought I'd find you here." She muttered. I couldn't take my eyes off her, afraid if I even so much as blinked she would disappear.

"I'm sorry." We both blurted.

"No I'm sorry Rowan. I don't know why I couldn't let myself believe you, I just have trouble trusting these days." She sighed, looking down at her hands.

"It's okay..." I stepped closer. "I'm sorry too, I overstepped. I told you I wouldn't and then I went and did the exact opposite. I'm so sorry Lennon." I breathed, waiting for her to say something.

"You didn't do it on purpose Rowan, Lachlan told me what happened." She reached forward and took my hand. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"It's okay." I shook my head.

"It's not. I want to trust you Rowan... I should trust you, I just... I'm scared." She muttered. "I-"

"Lennon..." I brushed my hand over her cheek, telling her she didn't have to say anything else.

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