18 || Rowan

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I was starting to look like a ghost

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I was starting to look like a ghost. My eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and my hair was standing on end. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror in the men's room, I splashed cole water over my face, letting it drip onto my t-shirt. No wonder my Mom said what she did.

"Morning..." My Mom knocked on my bedroom door. "Have you spoke to Lennon?"

"Nope..." I muttered. It was taking everything inside me not to.

"That's good. She needs time and so do you." She rubbed my shoulder as I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You need to take a step back from it all, take some time to take care of yourself, before you can take care of her." She explained. I guess she was right.

I walked into the cafeteria with my head hung. I couldn't be bothered to sit with the popular kids, so I sat alone. My Mom made me a ham and mustard sandwich and I quickly ate it, feeling my stomach grumble as I did so. My eyes drifted around the room. I didn't know who I was looking for until I found her.

The cafeteria was filled with people, and even though they were all I could hear, the only person I saw was Lennon. She was sitting alone in the corner. Her blonde hair covered her face, hiding her eyes. She was hunched over her tray, taking small bites of the caesar. She was hiding. I wanted things to be different, I wanted to brush her hair behind her ears.

I thought back, to before she was raped. I tried to remember what she was like, if I ever saw her smile and laugh but I couldn't. I hated that I had no memory of her before. I hated that before I found her journal, I never paid attention.

I imagined myself walking over there, sitting down beside her. Telling her what was on my mind, that she couldn't do everything alone and it only went downhill from there. She'd walk away, I knew she would.

Instead I got up and walked out of the cafeteria, away from Lennon. My head needed a break.

"Hey Rowan." A slap on my back brought me from my thoughts and I looked up to see Peter Crawley.

"Peter, what are you doing here?" I asked. He was a year older than me, we'd been really good friends before he graduated and joined the army.

"I'm home for a little while and my Mom wanted me to pick up Jacob for his appointment, but hey, I want to hear about you, how's senior year? You finally step up your game with the ladies?" He laughed. He knew I wasn't really a ladies man and loved to tease me about it.

"Oh you know me, always great with the ladies." I tried to joke but my voice fell flat.

"So there is a girl..." He deducted. Little did he know it wasn't in the way he was thinking.

"Kinda, not like that though." I shook my head.

"Well it should be like that, you're a catch." He patted me on the back again. I just laughed, it was hard to believe him after what went down with Lennon.

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