My Gay Teacher [COMPLETED]

28-"So?"

There are four more chapters, including this, and then an epilogue. The next 4 chapters are gonna be kinda short.
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Jax-

It had been awkward the rest of the week with Colton. Well, Mr. Haynes.

My mom hadn't been there when I needed it, so all I had was Ash. I had Darrel, but I couldn't bug him with my boyfriend problems, considering he didn't know I had a boyfriend.

The cuts were back.

Like I had said, I didn't know at the time I was lying to Colton when I said I was done with all of this. But, that was to Colton, and not to Mr. Haynes.

I had lost so much. I didn't expect to get any of it back. I honestly didn't deserve any of it back.

I spent most days alone in my room. Alone in the silence. Silence. It consumed me.

Being in so much silence made me think. I didn't think good thoughts. I thought stuff like why am I so stupid? Why did I cheat on Colton? Why does nobody love me?

With these thoughts came pain. Both emotionally and physically. The emotional pain lead to me making physical pain.

Life was pointless. My grades dropped. I stopped eating. I rarely slept.

I was just pain.

Painful thoughts. Painful cuts. Painful emotions. Painful hunger. Painful loneliness.

It was the first time in a while that thoughts of Dash filled my mind. Dash, and suicide. Ending my life seemed nearer than it ever had before. I had lost everything. Why not my life too?

Mr. Haynes hadn't even do much as looked at me since that day. That was why I was so surprised when he called me up to his desk after class.

Once I got there, he kept his head down in his work. "Jax, you're grades have dropped and it looks like you've stopped eating again." He says in a monotone voice.

I shrug. "So?"

He sighs, finally looking up at me. "So since I'm the councilor I have to make sure you are okay."

"Okay?! You want to know if I'm okay?! You do realize you're the one who put me in this position, right?" I blew up at him. "Like you care if I'm 'okay'." I put air quotes around it.

Mr. Haynes kept a straight face, showing no emotion. "Jax, I don't think you should talk to your teacher like that." He says in a warning voice, turning his head back down to his papers.

I shake my head. "I can't believe you, Mr. Haynes." I scoffed. "I thought you cared about me."

"Jax, this has to remain professional. What happened happened. It's over, now, okay?" I couldn't read his face or voice, upsetting me even more. "I'm addressing you as the school councilor, so I expect you to treat me like one."

Tears formed in my eyes. I'd been holding them back for so long. I hadn't cried in so long. I haven't felt pain in so long.

But, this was pain.

Real pain.

Silence filled the room for a little. It always came back to silence. But, I had to gather my words.

"Did you ever love me?" I ask in a shaky voice. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but I was about to.

He looked pained. "Of course I did, Jax! How could you accuse me of something like that?!"

"Do... do you still love me?" I asked him this because I still loved him. No matter how much he tried to push me away, I loved him. I really did.

He stays silent. A tear fell from his eye to one of the papers on his desk. He points towards his door, signaling for me to leave.

"Do you still love me?" I ask again, more steadily and stern this time around.

His bottom lip was quivering. "Leave." It was faint, and I could barely hear him.

"Leave." His voice was angry, now. It was filled with pain, and sadness. But mostly rage.

"Colt-" I tried to protest.

"Leave!" He yelled at me.

The tears fell from my eyes as I rolled out of his class.

After getting home, I added to my cuts. I had lost all hope of dating Colton again. He didn't love me. He hated me.

The pain of that truth hurt more than the blade slitting my skin. It was just like when my dad was beating me; I stopped feeling the pain. It was something I deserved at a certain point.

Ash was barely home at this point. Always at his girlfriend Andi's house.

So, not only had I lost my only chance of getting my true love back, but I lost my brother to his love.

That night was filled with endless tears. Nobody made me cry this much. Nobody. Of course it was my teacher that had to make me like this.

I wasn't sure how I would be able to deal with him tomorrow. He would want to spend more time with me. Well, need to, considering he was the councilor, and I needed one.

I didn't want to invade Colton's life any more. I was pointless. Useless. Horrible. Nobody needed me. Especially not Colton.