You Better Know (Red Velvet Irene/Reader/Twice Sana)

Chapter Eighteen:

CALEB'S POV

I never thought I could be addicted to something or someone in my life. I never thought about addictions being real to me. That was until Sana came into my life.

Because that's what Sana has turned out to be..... a series of addictions.

I didn't understand how addictions turned into problems. And then I realized that it's when you lose the source of the addiction that you realize that you have a problem.

But her as an addiction is not a problem. It's when she's no longer there that the addiction becomes a withdrawal. And it's the withdrawal that becomes the biggest problem of the addiction. Because that's when you realize that you love her and it's a problem because your realization came too late.

It's the withdrawal of looking at the night sky and looking at how the stars seem to shine brighter because she's not around to intimidate them with her eyes. It's wanting to be under a dull sky because you know that means that she's near.

It's looking at a sea of colors and still not being able to match the color of her eyes. And wishing you could because you're starting to forget what they looked like.

It's listening to her favorite songs over and over again because maybe, just maybe, you'll hear her sing along. It's memorizing stupid jokes you know she'll laugh at because you miss her laugh and you want to be ready just in case she comes home.

It's going through your phone's call log and seeing her calls replaced by others but never by one of hers. Re-reading old text messages and looking through the pictures in your phone and thinking how stupid it was that you deleted some of her pictures because you needed space. And now that's all you have, space, and not enough pictures to stop you from missing her. It's every time your phone rings hoping that it's her.

It's trying to remember the first time you said I love you but not being able to remember. It's thinking that you should have said it more than once the last time you saw her.

It's wishing you would have held her longer the last time you held her. And thinking how the last time you kissed her you could've made it more special and driving yourself to accept that, that was the last time you'll ever kiss her.

It's holding the girl next to you and thinking that she's not the one you think about 24/7 or how her hands don't touch you the way she did or how her arms aren't as comfortable as hers.

It's the pain in knowing you'll never have more of her and you'll never have enough of missing her.

It's beguiling thought to think that you can go your entire life without ever knowing something exists. Until you have a taste of that something even if it's just for a few seconds or a few months but those are enough to make you forget what your life had been like without that something.

That's what Sana was. She was my something.

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It had been two weeks since the Minatozaki household had been un-inhabited. I had been coming every day after I found the hospital room empty. There was no sign of any of them. No notes, no nothing. The only one that I would see was the housekeeper but she would only tell me that they were away and she didn't know when they would be back.

Sana's car was still in the same spot that I had parked it in when Yeri helped me bring it over from the hospital. Dr. Minatozaki left another doctor in his absence for my check ups but of course he didn't say anything about where the Minatozaki's were either.

Everyday I followed the same routine. I would go to the Minatozaki house twice a day with hopes that I would find them home. The first was always during lunch. I'd take my lunch break and spend it parked right in front of their house waiting for their arrival. The second was after school. I would drop Irene off at her house. I knew she was growing irritated for I was spending more time obsessing over Sana's return than with her. I didn't have an explanation for her at least not one that I could say out loud. I didn't know how to tell her that it was killing me to know that Sana left without saying goodbye but it was killing me even more thinking that she could never come back.