A Four Letter Word // Laurmani

XXXVII (37)

Trigger Warning: Discussion Of Instability and/or Cutting

I crutch my way into the lunch room with Normani by my side while she has my backpack in her hands. We take a seat at our usual table waiting on Dinah and Ally.

"Hey Mani, can I ask you something on a serious note?" Normani puts her backpack next to her on the chair and looks at me.

"Of course. What's it about?" I bite my lip and place my crutches next to me.

"It's um, it's about the night you almost killed yourself..." Normani hesitates for a second but recovers immediately.

"Okay, so what's the question?" She taps her fingers lightly on the table. I run my fingers through my hair before placing them on my lap.

"When Derrick drove away from your house, Dinah panicked right away questioning where you were. I asked her how she knew and she just told me that you should be the one to tell me. So my question is: why did she know something was immediately wrong? Why didn't I know that you were unstable?... So actually I have two questions"

Normani looks down at her hands still tapping them lightly before stopping and looking me in the eyes.

"I had been in a bad place for awhile, years actually. I know my parents weren't in love as much as they were before. I knew they were slowly growing apart. The more their relationship broke, the more our family did, and I wasn't okay with that at all. Thoughts started flowing through my head and I got the idea that the reason their relationship was going to shit was because of me. I was fucking everything up in the family and I just couldn't stand it. The only reason Dinah knew was because she walked into my room one night when I was breaking down. I told her everything. Every story, every detail, every thought. Everything" Normani looks down at her fingers and plays with them.

"And why didn't you tell me?" I grab her hand in mine and stroke it with my thumb.

"You had so much going on with your life, one being your dad, I didn't want to be a burden and add on to that" I bring Normani's hand to my lips and place a light kiss on it making her look up at me.

"You're the complete opposite of that Normani. I would wake up at 4 in the morning and come to you if you need me... and that means something because I love my sleep" Normani lets out a small laugh. "Okay so on a brighter note, let's talk about college"

I feel someone sit down next to me and i turn to see Dinah. Ally comes into view as she takes her usual seat next to Normani. They place their food down on the table and look at us.

"Someone say college?" Dinah asks. I nod.

"Yeah, I did"

"Well the only thing I can say about that is..... Trojans all the way!!" She smiles brightly. I roll my eyes.

"Please Miami Canes are the way to go" I hold up the school symbol. "Right Mani?" I smile at her but she bites her lip nervously.

"Uh, right" I tilt my head confused at her. Dinah and Ally begin talking to each other and Normani leans across the table. "Can I um, can I come over tonight to talk to you about something? It's important" I nod my head.

"Of course, yeah" Normani weakly smiles and we all start to chat with each other and continue to eat our lunch.

-

I pull into my driveway and park my car. I walk into the house - ignoring Mike's presence - and head straight up to my room. I begin working on my homework when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.