Weightless

10

I was sitting on my bathroom floor after a day with Jisoo, I had already thrown up three times but I was trying again. "COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!" I yell, punching myself in the stomach as if it would do anything. I throw up the last of whatever I had eaten day. "Good job, making sure that your pure," Ana says. I go to the cabinet and grab a razor, "if you cut then it'll numb the pain from throwing up," Depression tempts. I put the razor to my skin, most of my other cuts had healed since it had been a while. I hack open my wrists and arms, then going to my legs.

I didn't hear my Mum call me saying Taehyung was here. I didn't hear Taehyung open the door, "KOOKIE!" Taehyung yells. I look up and start crying, Taehyung runs over, takes the razor out of my hands and throws it on the floor. I start crying hysterically, reaching out for the razor, "NO! NO! I NEED THIS!" I scream. Taehyung hugs me, holding me back, I thrash, trying to escape his grip but I wasn't the strongest, seeing as I had just thrown up.

"No... no..." I cry, I slowly give up and just let Taehyung hug me, I start to weakly hit his chest, "I need to do this..." I sob. Taehyung just holds me tighter, getting my blood all over his clothes, I couldn't control my crying. This had never happened before, maybe it was because someone saw me and took it away from me. "Shh, it'll be okay," Taehyung whispers, kissing the top of my head. He looks in the toilet, "I suppose that's where all your lunches go," Taehyung sighs. He flushes the toilet and pick me up and takes me into the shower. With our clothes still on, he turns it on and starts to wash my cuts.

Taehyung's shirt stuck to his body and was slightly transparent, letting me see his perfect body, "why Kookie?" Taehyung asks. He picks me up, wraps us both in towels and caries me bridal style to my bed. He lets me lean on him, stroking my hair and drying me. I look at my arm, I had carved the words 'sorry' and 'end' into my arms. Taehyung rubs my arms, trying to dry me. "Because I they told me too," I say, answering his question from before. "Hmm?" Taehyung hums. "You asked before, why, I... I answered," I whispered.

Taehyung gives me a worried look, "Kookie, who's 'they'?" Taehyung asks, "Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm, Social Anxiety, Self Hate and Ana," I answer, not looking at him. "Jungkook, those aren't people, those are illnesses and terrible things, why are you saying it like they're people?" Taehyung asks. "When... when I was flat lining in the hospital, I would have these vision sort of things, I'd be in a pitch black room, but it wasn't dark, it was kind of like an endless void. I would sit on the floor or in my hospital bed and then they would come up to me, they'd talk to me, they told me I they knew best and I should listen to them.

Ana would come to me often, she was the definition of perfect, she said I was her friend and I could trust her." I let out a shaky breath, "Kookie, I'm not sure but I'm pretty all these voices inside your head aren't good, you need help," Taehyung says. I turn around so I could look at him. "I know!" I say, raising my voice, "do you not think I'm aware or something? I know I shouldn't be cutting my skin open or throwing up after every meal, I am very aware!" I snap. "But it's not easy you know?" I growl. Taehyung sighs and turns me around, making me lean back on him. He holds me tight, I lean back and feel tears burn the back of my eyes.

"I'm just really depressed..." I admit, "I know," Taehyung whispers, "I wish I could eat," I hope, looking up to the sky. "Jungkook, I want you to promise me something," Taehyung says suddenly, "what is it?" I ask. "I want you to promise me to never cut again, and try your hardest to ignore those voices in your head," Taehyung says. I think about it for a bit, "I promise," I mumble. "I want you to mean it," Taehyung says, "I promise," I promise, saying it louder. "Thank you," Taehyung says, nuzzling me. I start to shiver, "here, we should get out of these wet clothes," Taehyung says.

"I have some clothes you can borrow," I say, getting up and going to my closet. "Kookie, I can't fit into a size three," Taehyung says, playfully rolling his eyes. "TaeTae, I wasn't always anorexic," I sigh, looking through my closet until I find all the size 14 and 15. I throw a random shirt and jeans at him. "Hey these are really cool," Taehyung says, looking at them. "Duh! I'm the coolest person you know!" I say as if it was obvious, flicking my imaginary long hair. "Jungcocky," Taehyung mumbles, "bitch, I have ears!" I say, pretending to be offended.

We get into dry clothes and leave my house. "What do you wanna do?" Taehyung asks, walking down the street with me. "I dunno, Jisoo and I already went shopping today, yeah... remind me never to go shopping with Jisoo again, she wanted to put all these skirts and crop tops on me," I say annoyed. "I would've like to see that," Taehyung flirts, squeezing my ass. I slap his arm, "you can look but not touch," I tease. "Your ass belongs to me honey, I'll touch and look," Taehyung teases back, slapping my ass.