Weightless

5

I opened my eyes, I was in the pitch black room again. I had gotten used to switching between being able to hear the outside world and being here, with all my illnesses. Depression walked up to me. "Hello Jungkook," he said, "hello," I replied back. Self Harm and Self Hate followed behind him. "Hello Self Harm and Self Hate," I greet, they wave. "Jungkook as I'm sure Ana has already said to you but, you need to get out of this hospital as fast as possible," Depression states. "We know, sooner or later they will prescribe you with another anti-depressant and well, we don't want that," Depression says.

I laughed, I cackled to his face, I must've sounded insane. "You, of all people should know, that there is no way in fucking HELL I'll take the drugs, even if they were prescribed. Maybe I would take them, but only for an overdose, in the hopes that they'll KILL ME!" I laugh. Depression smiles at me. "Ana has taught you well, you follow the voices like the holy motherfucking bible," Self Hate smiles. I hold my stomach from laughing too much. "I'm sorry it's just that, YOU THOUGH BITCH!" I cackle. 

Depression rolls his eyes, "okay that's enough, I didn't actually think that, I just wanted to see if you'd stay with us." I stop laughing and look up at him, he grabs my chin, "remember, we're always right," Depression whispers and with that he disappears. In the distance I see Ana walking toward me, "that was funny," she says. I nod and smile. Ana sits down in front me of, "Jungkook, you do realise that after you wake up from this sort of trance state, you'll never be able to see us again? We'll just be the voices in your head," Ana says. 

I hug Ana, "but I want to see you again, your like every thinspo I've ever seen and better," I cry out. Ana strokes my head, "it's okay, we still don't know when you wake up, or if you'll wake up, don't worry, and I'll still be with you, you just won't be able to see me anymore." I almost want to cry, but I don't. "I think I'll be fine if I never see Depression, Self Harm, Self Hate, Anxiety and Social Anxiety ever again, but I actually care about you~!" I say. 

"Jungkook, as much as that it touching it is also insane, I not a person, merely one of the many voices inside your head. You can attached to me but you'll be sent to an insane asylum," Ana says. "D-does that mean a-all the voices I hear a-are here?" I ask. Ana nods, but there was a hesitation. "I can't tell you now but when you wake up someone will probably tell you. We don't have intelligence, only as much as you know we know, until you get to a state like this, it's hard to explain but you'll know what I mean when someone else tells you." I sigh, and nod, "now go back," Ana says.

-

I get the tingling feeling throughout my body, and I was back, listening to Taehyung and Melanie's conversation. "I... I really wonder if he will make it," Taehyung says quietly. "I do too," Melanie whispers. "I'm going to get some fresh air for a bit," Taehyung says, his voice shaking. I hear the door open and close. "Hey Kookie," Melanie says. "I... I didn't call the ambulance, someone else did," Melanie says. "I... really want you to make it but I knew that I shouldn't stop you, I just hope that... that I made the right decision." I hear Melanie's voice break and then silent sobs. "I miss you Kookie, people are worrying about you, the doctors are wondering if they should pull the plug on you!"

I felt like the whole world stopped, what was happening while I could see my illnesses? I hear Melanie cry, "I won't let them you know, you... you just need to stop okay? Get better Kookie, Hoseok has been tearing himself up about this. Jimin is refusing to see you, he thinks it's all his fault. Seokjin has completely shut down on us. Namjoon is crying every night and coming to school, completely broken. Yoongi, he's trying to act like he's strong but... but I saw him crying on the roof. Don't give up now Kookie," Melanie sobs.

"9:04

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

I wanted to say something else, so bad, but I still had no control over my body.

"9:04

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

I raised my voice. It didn't seem like much but it was a huge accomplishment. I had finally done something, instead of listen. "Kookie, are you listening?" Melanie asked, noticing that I had raised my voice. I hear the door open and close again, "Taehyung! Kookie he... he raised his voice!" Melanie exclaims. "What?" Taehyung asks, "Kookie raised his voice, I was talking to him and then he raised his voice!" Melanie explained. I hear Taehyung pull up a chair and sit down. "Kookie, sort of responded?" Taehyung asked. I didn't hear Melanie say anything so I assumed she nodded.

I feel Taehyung take my hand, "Kookie, are you in there? Can you hear us?" Taehyung asked, I wanted to give him a sign. I felt over joyed, I tried to raise my voice again, but I couldn't again. I was worn out from doing it last time. There was a minute of me just mumbling the same words over and over again. "I... I swear he did," Melanie says. "I believe you, I'm not saying that, maybe he's just tired or... or something," Taehyung sighs.

It had been hours, I hear Melanie's soft snores coming from somewhere in the room, Taehyung was still holding my hand. "Kookie, give me a sign... please," Taehyung says, his voice cracking, it was obvious that he was trying to hold back tears. I tried so hard to raise my voice again, but it just wasn't happening. It was like being a prisoner to my body, no control. Taehyung 's grip on my hand was slowly getting softer. I wanted to scream out to him. I concentrated hard on my hand. For the first time in what felt like weeks, I moved. My hand turned around and grabbed Taehyung's squeezing it. 

I hear a gasp then cries of happiness I assume. I held onto his hand like it was the only thing keeping me attached to this world, and if I were to let go, I would fall back and never return, being stuck in that pitch black with all the voices inside my head. I hold his hand tighter, my entire body starts to tingle, and it felt like I had pins and needles everywhere. With that, I stopped.