Weightless

3

"9:04.

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

I whisper. I repeated the words over and over again, it was like I was in a trance. My whole body was tingling, it still felt like I had just hit the water. "He's been saying those words over and over," I hear somebody say. I try to open my eyes but it was like they were glued shut. "I... I feel so bad, it's all my fault," I hear Taehyung say. I wanted to scream his name, I wanted to hug him.

"9:04.

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

It was like I was trapped inside my body, I couldn't move at all, I couldn't open my eyes, all I could do was think, hear and smell. I didn't know if I was dead or alive, all I knew was that I didn't like where I was. I hear Taehyung move a chair up, he grabs my hand. "Kookie, I... I don't know if you can hear me but..." he trails off, I hear his sobs. "But... I'm SO sorry that I yelled at you, I... I was stupid I was angry, I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pain your in." Taehyung takes a shaky breath. "I was an idiot, I wanted to know why you weren't talking to us, ignoring us, a-and I got angry. I just wanted you back, I just wanted you to talk to us. I... I can't even start to explain what it's like to battle depression, anxiety, self harm, self hate and anorexia all at once." I hear Taehyung start to cry again.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault," Taehyung sobs, "if you die, I'll never forgive myself, I never got to tell you half the things I wanted to." He takes another shaky breath. I feel my heart drop with his words, I got a lump in my throat. I feel myself start to cry, "K-Kookie?" Taehyung asks, he had noticed my tears. "Kookie, are you awake?" He asks softly.

"9:04.

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

Is all I could say. I feel Taehyung squeeze my hand, his tears drop on my wrist, the salty tears in my cuts made me want to pull my arm away. "Kookie, I don't know if you can hear me, or your just in pain b-but, if I don't tell you something before I die then..." I hear Taehyung breath out, "then I guess I'll regret it for the rest of my life," he says. I hear him breath in and breath out, "Kookie, I love you," I feel him lift my arm up and kiss my cuts. He loved me? "But who would love you?" Self Hate spits.

I hear someone else open the door to my room. "W-who are you?" Taehyung asks, "the names Melanie," Melanie says, I could tell just by her voice she was dramatically effected by this. I feel Taehyung hold my hand tighter. "Your not his only friend," I hear Melanie says, "I met Jungkook a few days ago, we got close," Melanie says. I wanted to smile at that, she thought we had gotten close? I had only hoped. I hear Melanie walk over to my bed, she starts to talk but I couldn't make out what she was saying. 

I listen harder, but it only sounded like noises. On the back of my eyelids I see someone walk toward me. My breath gets faster, until this person gets closer and I see this person. Ana. I looked down, I was no longer in the hospital bed like last time. I noticed I could no longer feel my body, I could no longer hear nor smell the outside world. I could see my body again, I was sitting on the floor of the same pitch black room as before. Ana walks up, this time she was thinner, if that was possible. She was wearing a black and white polka a dot blouse with a black bow tie stitched into it, a high-wasted pink mini skirt and knee-high pastel pink socks with white converse. And she looked beautiful.

"To be able to wear anything and look good," She says as she sits down, her long blonde hair falls on one of her shoulders. "Kookie, the more time your in this hospital, the more calories you're consuming," Ana warns. I look down, I felt disgusting, "I can't wake up," I say. Ana holds my chin and makes me look up at her, "it's going to be tough, but I want you to get out of this hospital as fast as you can," Ana says. She felt ice cold, "your so cold," I whisper, Ana smiles, "I know I am," she says.

Ana pulls out food from behind her back, "you want it?" She asks. I shake my head, and then the entire room shakes, "that's your stomach growling," Ana smirks. I looked, there was a lovely golden chicken, chocolate ice cream, chips, the same red juicy apple from before. "Are you sure you don't want it?" Ana asks innocently. "I'm not hungry for food," I say. "Really, what are you hungry for then?" She asks. "I'm hungry for how skinny people look good in swim suits. I'm hungry for feeling tiny underneath a small sweatshirt. I'm hungry for collarbones and shoulders. I'm hungry for that 'light-as-a-feather' feeling when I'm being picked up. I'm hungry for skinny legs, thigh gap and a flat stomach. I'm not hungry for food anymore, because nothing can ever as good as I will feel when I am thin."

Ana was taken back by my response. The food she was holding disappeared just like before with the single apple. She slowly clapped, impressed, "you know I didn't think you had it in you," she admits. "You were wrong," I smirk, "now, now, don't get Jungcocky, Jungkook," she smiles at her joke. "You've been especially slack lately, when you get out of this hospital I want you to fast for a week, only water and MAYBE, okay maybe, milk." I nod, "I guess I shouldn't have blocked you out," I whisper. Ana grabs my hand and squeezes it, "it's okay Jungkook, Depression and Anxiety are big guys, but don't worry, I'm here now." Ana hugs me, "and unlike the other guys, you and I have control." And with those words she disappears. 

"9:04.

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."

I hear myself say, my whole body was tingling, like my soul had parted with my body and it was slowly returning. 

"9:04.

Bright Light.

Pulse.

23.

Stable."