Relatively Dependent

Relatively Dependent - Part Four

When I look back on those first few weeks at the Pub, it's kinda' surprising to realise how naïve I was. I didn't get that we'd run away from home, I didn't get that we were homeless, I didn't get that our family wasn't like anyone else's. I just had no fucking clue what was going on and that was Blake's doing, he protected me from all of the bad shit.

For me, the weeks that followed our arrival at the Pub were not unlike a holiday. I had my own place, my own T.V., I could watch anything I wanted, and every afternoon the fridge would magically be full of my favourite chocolates. I'd spend the day outside by the water, running around, jumping in the river, being a crazy and carefree kid. I'd spend the afternoon in the Pub trailing after Blake, and at night, I had the room to myself. I look back on it now and feel this aching sense of guilt. I was having the time of my life and Blake was wearing himself thin to take care of me.

While I was off doing my own thing my brother was at the Pub doing anything and everything he could for Charlie. Blake didn't want it to be any other way though, he just wanted me to do what I was doing and have some fun. How the fuck he turned out to be the good person he was I'll never know. He was always good to me and it hurts like Hell to look back on it now. I should've done more for him, he deserved so much more from me.

When it came time for us to get back to School Blake made sure it happened for me. I was starting my first year of High School. I didn't even think twice about how it costs money to go to School, at the time I just figured you show up to School and that's it—I was so fucking stupid. All that work Blake had been doing, all those hours, it was so he could afford to get me into High School. Blake never went back to School, he wasn't as lucky as I was. When it came time for me to go to School I remember asking Blake why he wasn't going with me.

"I don't need to go back to School bud, I've found what I wanna' do with my life," Blake told me.

In reality, he didn't have the luxury of going back to finish High School, he had to look after me. Anytime I'd ask him about it he'd always give me the same sort of speech, he'd pretend he was happy, like he was lucky to be doing what he was doing. I mean for us, that was lucky, but he made it sound like he had a choice about it when he didn't.

I started out High School on the other side of town, I guess 'cause Blake didn't want me around anyone we used to know, I guess, but I don't really know. For all our old friends knew we could've been swallowed up by the Earth. I didn't have a way to keep in touch with any of my Primary School friends and I never saw any of Blake's old mates around. I wonder if they asked about us or thought about us? I wonder if they even noticed we weren't around anymore? It didn't matter so much to me, my friends were just classmates, but Blake, I bet it was hard for him cutting his friends off like that... I don't think he really needed to do that but he was always worried someone would talk to the cops about us and we'd get separated. I don't think his friends would've been that stupid, but it was how Blake wanted to do things.

I went to Chelsea High School and I was one of just two kids starting there that didn't know anyone else in the School. My grade alone had nearly two hundred kids in it, going there knowing I was just one of two kids that didn't know anyone else freaked me the fuck out. The worst part about starting School for me was knowing I had to be away from Blake. I literally had not spent a day away from him ever, not once. We shared a room when we were living with Mum, we went to the same Primary School until Blake went to High School and at the end of the day he'd be there to walk me home. He was always around. It really didn't help that for those first few weeks when we'd been living at the Pub, I pretty much spent every spare second Blake had with him. I'd always been clingy with Blake, but being by his side for a month straight made it so much harder to go off and do something on my own. So yeah, first day at a new School without him was rough.

I didn't go alone though, Charlie drove me to School and walked me in and everything. I don't really know how much Blake had clued Charlie in on about our situation. Blake kinda' kept me out of that stuff, you know, I was the kid and he became the adult, so he kinda' kept me out of the loop when it came to business with Charlie. They got really close those two, so maybe Charlie knows it all but Blake sorta' kept everyone at arm's length. I don't think he ever really let anyone in, not really, not even me.