♡Dallon♡
I'm excited to get home from work today. I bought a new ukulele and I want Brendon to teach me how to play.
Lana and Marina have been hanging out with me at the store and Mikey and Ray have been coming to the store more often too.
The ride home was filled with me singing along to David Bowie songs.
When I get back to the apartment building, I quickly run up to my home and run in.
I go to Brendon's room because I need to check on him. I'm probably going to practice bass for now and wait until he's feeling better to ask him to teach me how to play.
I knock lightly on the door but get no response so I open it slowly.
The room is empty and I can feel anger bubble up inside me but I quickly calm myself down because I know that he can't help it.
It just makes me sad that he got this far and he's ruining it for himself.
I go to my room and feel tears in my eyes. I'm not even going to try and call him. I can't even help him.
I feel like I failed him and that's a horrible feeling.
I hear the front door close and I can also hear Brendon walk into his room.
I don't even leave my room for the next few hours and I think that's when Brendon realized I was home because I hear a timid knock on my bedroom door.
"What?" I sniffle lightly.
"Please don't cry Dal." He says as he walks into my room and tries hugging me but I push him away.
"Was it worth it?" I ask and he furrows my eyebrows in confusion.
"Was what worth it?" He asks innocently.
"Getting high!" I snap. "Was losing all your progress in quitting worth it for one stupid fucking high?"
Brendon lightly rolls his eyes.
"I didn't even end up getting high. My dealer cut me off because I told her I was trying to quit." He says and now it's my turn to roll my eyes.
"Just because you didn't get high doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at you Brendon." I grumble and he scoffs.
"I don't get why you're mad at me then!" He yells as he stands up.
His mood swings from withdrawal are a bitch. He'll be caring and compassionate one minute and the next he'll be screaming at me so I know that there was a reason my dad beat me and my mom doesn't love me.
"I'm mad because you walked out of this apartment with the intent of getting high." I yell as I stand up as well.
"But I didn't get high. Shouldn't you be proud of me?" He asks.
"Brendon, your dealer cut you off. That's not optionally choosing to not get high." I explain and he stays silent for a few moments before storming into his own room.
He's probably going to be apologizing in a few hours but I'm still disappointed and slightly pissed off.
He probably went to his dealer as soon as I left.
I can't believe he doesn't care not even one little bit. Even when I was a full on addict, I wanted to get clean so that I could live to see the rest of my life. I stopped myself from going out and finding Lindsey because I cared about myself and the people around me.
I could see that it hurt Patrick and Tyler every time I came home high.
My absolute worst memory from being addicted to drugs was when Matty found out.
"What the fuck is this Dallon?!" Matty screams at me as he walks into the bathroom.
I spit my toothpaste into the sink and wash out my mouth before looking at Matty in the mirror.
My breath hitches and I immediately freeze.
"Please don't tell me you've been doing coke Dal." He says and his voice sounds incredibly broken.
I can't even say anything as tears slowly begin to roll down my cheeks.
Matty comes over to me and hugs me.
"You can't do this. You know how scary this shit is."
"I'm sorry." I cry and he throws the bag at me and storms out of the bathroom.
Matty later explained to me that he knew I wasn't sorry and that's why he acted the way he did.
He knew that I was just going to get high later that night. He knew that I didn't feel bad enough about it because he was in the same position as me a few years ago.
He knew how I was. He came back and got rid of everything.
I was so mad at him. I wanted to kill him. I thought I needed coke to survive but he knew I didn't. I was just hurting and the drugs numbed it.
He knew exactly how I felt. He knew I needed help.
So he told Patrick and Tyler.
I didn't even want to go to rehab in the first place. Tyler and Patrick suggested it to me and I didn't talk to them for a month.
I would get really high and then come home and make sure they knew I was high. I feel so bad for doing that to them.
Then there was that one night where something in me snapped and I burst into Tyler's room sobbing about how I needed help.
I think that's when I realized that I was hurting people around me as well as myself.
Tyler of course comforted me and we looked at rehab centers online until the sun came up.
We all hung out around the house the next day and Gerard went to Lindsey's to tell her off or something like that.
We all spent time together before I went to the rehab center the next day.
I didn't think I'd be there for as long as I was. I was there for a total of four months.
I think Brendon needs to go to rehab. I can't give him the help he needs.
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2:21am
A/N
I thought I had escaped my Dodie Clark faze but O my Gee her voice is amazing.
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