Time to Survive

I Can Go the Distance

  I was watching Chris like a hawk.

When he'd woke up last night after sleeping for the rest of the day, I'd been so relieved. I couldn't remember a time when I'd been so afraid for someone else that I started to panic, I hadn't even been that way with Chase.

With Chase, it had been like taking care of a child the entire time, his spontaneous nature and carefree attitude had always gotten him into some kind of trouble, and I'd always been smoothing it over. I'd been like a permanent babysitter for my boyfriend, but it had worked out; we'd been so happy, anyway.

With Chris, well, he'd always been able to take care of himself, I'd never had to look after him like that.

So when I realized something had happened to him, that I hadn't been there to help him, save him when he needed it --- I felt so completey useless, and scared, and it had never been that way for me before.

And so here I was, watching him where he sat in front of the fire Ryan had managed to light with the last of our lighters, Ricky and Kuza sitting with him. They'd tied his arm up in a half-ass sling to keep some pressure off his shoulder, though he still appeared to be in a little pain.

Though I wasn't sure if it was entirely physical, either.

When he'd said he'd dropped her, I hadn't known what to think. Him and Kylie had always appeared to get along, so I'd known it hadn't been on purpose. It had been an accident, his fingers had slipped, it wasn't his fault.

And I'd be damned if he told Devin it was.

Devin was by the coupe, just kind of numbly sitting there right now, dealing with his grief the best way he knew how. He didn't need to know any details about her death other then she had fallen in the hole and Chris had offed her so she wouldn't suffer through teeth ripping through her skin and pulling it away from her bones.

That was all he needed to know.

And I would think he would be a little grateful that Chris hadnt let her suffer, had just finished her off like that.

And I was really hoping Chris wouldn't tell anyone else, either. The more people he told, the more likely it would get back to Devin, and that wasn't something I wanted. It was done, over with, and it needed to stay that way.

There was no need for any animosity between any of us.

Now that the siblings were gone, we were all we had, and we needed to keep each other safe.

There was only a couple of us left, anyway.

Me, Kuza, Ryan, Ricky, Devin, Chris, and Kera.

Kera was virtually useless, she never did anything but sit quietly and pretend she didn't exist, consuming supplies. She annoyed me, but we couldn't exactly leave her on her own, she wouldn't make it, either.

I suppose we would just have to continue dragging her with us, then.

"It's almost dawn," I heard Kuza say after a few minutes, and I glanced at the horizon, seeing the sun was starting to rise. "We need to pack up. We still have a couple hours of driving until we reach San Francisco."

"Why are we going there again?" Ricky yawned, sounding irritable. "We've been driving for what feels like days."

It wasn't like it was a straight shot anyway, anymore. There were so many lots cars on the interstate, we had to keep taking back roads and finding gas and making our way back to the main road; it was a real pain without GPS.

"We need to see if there's any supplies left," Kuza sighed, nudging Ricky's shoulder with his fist. "Try to find some way we can stock up. Then we gotta keep going. Find somewhere remote. Get married and start a family."

That caused Ricky to chuckle.

Kuza was becoming a little more like his old self, it was just taking him a while. Francesca had only been gone probably over a month, and I was honestly surprised he was recovered as much as he was.

He was stronger then most people.

Four months since the apocalypse now? Five?

I was starting to lose track.

I sighed, and then tightened my hold on the SUV, forcing myself to my feet. My legs wobbled dangerously, but I was able to keep standing, which was a plus. It meant they were getting stronger, and my burns were healing enough where I didn't want to cry every time they brushed against each other or material.

Thank god the burns hadnt been as bad as they could have.

Which I guess I owed Balz for that.

I glanced down at my legs, still clad in shorts and bandages, knowing I would have ugly scars.
I would just have to get over it.

At least it would always remind me what people had done for me, how they'd died to make sure I made it out of that burning house.

That burning house that had all of my things in it.

Don't think about it, I told myself, watching as Kuza stood, brushing the dirt from the ground off his graying black jeans. Ricky and Chris slowly followed his example, Ricky kicking dirt onto the fire, knocking out the only light.

It was dark again, but the sun was steadily rising, so it would be all right.

"Someone go wake Ryan," Kuza ordered, stretching his lanky arms. "Make sure the ass is awake enough to drive."

He was asleep in the coupe, he'd been awake most of the night on guard.

He didn't need to sleep as much as we did.

I started to take a step, and then cursed, my leg abruptly going out from under me. Ricky was at my side in seconds, his arms wrapping around my waist before I went down.

"Kelsey!?"

"I'm fine!" I gasped hastily, my fingers clenching in his worn shirt. "Just, just lost my balance, is all."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded, forcing my legs to straighten, and Chris was at my side, his hazel eyes looking black in the morning light.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine, don't worry," I straightened successfully, my legs trembling but holding my weight. "Just lost my balance."

"Should you even be walking yet?" Ricky muttered, eyeing my wrapped up legs. "I mean, your burns ---."

"Healing just fine," I shrugged, going for a nonchalant tone. "I can walk now, I don't need to sit around anymore."

I needed to convince them of that so they would stop leaving me behind. I wanted to go with them on the supply runs, not sit back uselessly. I could help, I just needed to get back into the rhythm of things, yknow?

I needed to stop wallowing in self pity and get my ass back in gear.

I had to put on a good show, anyway.

"Are you sure?" Ricky and Chris didn't looked convinced. "Kelsey, it's gonna take months for those to fully heal ---."

"Well, it's been long enough for me to walk again," I huffed, my hands going to my hips as I eyed the two of them. "Stop fussing, I'm good. Worry about yourselves."

Chris winced.

"Fine, fine," Ricky sighed, shaking his head. "Just don't over do yourself, okay? I'm gonna wake up Ryan, then we should get going."

"Gotcha."

I watched as Ricky trotted to where the coupe was parked behind the SUV, and then I looked up at Chris, having to crane my neck as usual. Sometimes I think he was still growing taller.

"How are you?" I asked after a second, reaching my hand forward. I caught his, slipping my fingers through and holding tightly. He squeezed back weakly, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

He was just so sad and I couldn't seem to make him feel better.

"Good," he muttered, glancing away from me. "Better. Devin ---."

"Is handling his grief well, don't you think?" I interrupted lightly, letting my gaze flick to where the other guy still sat, unmoving except to flick an errant rock now and then.

We were on a backroad, and we'd pulled off at what I assumed had been meant as a dirt rest stop. There was a knocked over trash can, a street lamp, and what I assumed was a portapotty at one time. It was wooded through this area still, which made me extremely nervous.

I didn't like being in the trees, not when the deaders could so easily been hidden in them.

"I guess."

"it's, it's gonna be okay, Chris," I said after a moment, biting my lip. "We all handle it differently. I ran off into the city and got attacked by deaders, remember? You saved me, twice, actually," I sighed, looking up at him. "Kuza didn't leave his room for days, and when he did he went all hardass. Just give him some time, okay? If he was ---."

"I get it, yeah," his hand suddenly pulled away from mine, and I blinked, staring at him as he stepped away from me, averting his gaze completely. "We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"O-oh.... okay."

Chris turned away from me, and he climbed into the SUV, shutting the door a little harder then he'd needed too.

I winced.

Had I just made it worse?

I was only trying to make him feel better.

Guess he was just ready to go then.



"What do you think?" Kuza asked, holding the military binoculars to his face as he sat on top of the SUV, surveying the highway down the hill from us that lead into San Francisco. We'd been driving for a couple hours, but now we were here; I could see the red bridge in the distance.

I'd always wanted to go to San Francisco when I was younger, mostly because I'd grown up on reruns of Charmed and had seen it so many times. I'd never been, though, despite I'd only lived a couple hours drive from it.

"How clear does it look?" Chris asked, standing at the hood of the car, and Kuza shrugged.

"About as clear as any city, I guess. I can see deaders around the highway in, and you know there's a shit ton more inside. We don't need to go in, though, just hang around the edges and see what we can find."

Chris nodded, staring down at the city.

"Sounds good. Let's see if we can't find somewhere to hole up in tonight, then we'll make a plan about scavenging."

"Good idea. I can see some townhouses, so those look promising. Hey, Rick,how's our water?"

"We got a case left, not much. We need more."

"And the gas tanks?"

"Half full and a quarter on the coupe," Ryan responded. "We need some bad. The canisters are empty now."

"Dammit," Kuza rubbed his scruffy jaw. "We're getting low again... alright, we'll hit up any car we come across on the way down, siphon what we can out of the bitches."

"Aye aye, Cap'n. Hey, tightass, cmere."

I rolled my eyes.

He would never drop that nickname.

I stepped away from the SUV and walked back to the coupe, Ryan leaning against the passenger door, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What?"

"Can we talk a sec?"

What the hell did he want to talk about?"

I hesitated, then sighed, following him back to the trunk. He popped it open, and I glanced inside, seeing the gas containers sitting there, all of them empty and in a row.

We were getting low.

Really, really low.

Ryan glanced forward, then back at me, apparently using the trunk as a shield between all of us.

"What's wrong with Chris?"

"What?" I stared at him.

"He's not acting right, not since he got back and fucked his shoulder up. What's wrong with him?"

"I, he --- nothing, I guess," I looked down at my dirty nails. "He just.... he... watched It happen to Kylie, yknow?" My voice dropped, and I stared at the ground. "He watched her fall in and he couldn't help her, and he feels... bad about it."

"Fuck, I figured it was like that," Ryan sighed, running his hand down his face, and I winced as I caught a glimpse of his nails.

They were yellow, cracked and actually peeling off in some places.

Like what you would see on a dead person.

"Well, cheer him up or something, would you? Give him a good fuck."

I rolled my eyes. "Really, Ryan? I just got now where I can walk!"

"Well, make it so you can't again, I don't care," he shrugged his shoulders, but I could see his lips curved. "Just get his spirits back up before he does something stupid."

"Something stupid?"

"Yeah, because he feels guilty or whatever that he couldn't help her. Devin doesn't blame him, if that's what hes worried about. Hell, Devin doesn't know what's going on right now, he's still in the denial stage. But Chris needs to snap out of it."

"I know, I just ---."

"Yo, Ryan, what's the hold up?" Kuza's voice cut through our conversation, and we both glanced in his direction. "Something wrong?"

"Nah," Ryan abruptly shut the trunk. "Just checking some shit out, all good. Ready to go?"

"Yep."

Ryan glanced at me, and I nodded, quickly stepping away from him and doing my best to hurry back to the SUV.

"What was that about?" Chris asked when I hopped inside, and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Nothing to worry about."



"If we can get through the top of that building, we can work our way down to the ground floor," Kuza eyed the tall building in front of us. It was surrounded by smaller stores, and it looked like some kind of museum from what I could see of the fading letters from the sign swinging in front of it. "We just need to get the doors open so we can get in."

It would be an easy climb, I reasoned, studying it. I could climb the gutters and switch over to the third story windows and knock it out or open it, whichever was easiest. I could climb in and get the doors open easily.

"I can do it," I offered, sitting beside him on the SUV hood. "I can climb it, easy."

"Are you kidding? Kels, you just got to walking ---."

"And I can get to climbing just as easy," I scowled up at him. "Do you think I can't do it?"

"I never said that," he scowled down at me. "Don't be prissy. But you're just getting your strength back, and you might not be able to hold yourself long enough. Plus you gotta jump ---."

"Please, I can do it just fine," I snorted, waving my hand dismissively.

I had to be able to do it.

I had to prove to them, and myself, that I wasn't completely useless right now, that I could climb that easily.

"I don't know," Kuza hesitated, and I huffed, crossing my arms.

"It's not even a long drop, Kuza. Come on. And I'm not asking permission, I'm going to do it."

I had to pretend that Kuza wasn't basically leading us on right now. Besides, I could still make decisions for myself, and I knew I could leave the group at any time I wanted. I wasn't going too, but that was still an option.

Kuza sighed, then shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. But be careful when we get up there, okay? We don't need you falling and Chris having a heart attack."

"Yeah, I will," my eyes flicked over to where Chris was, listening to whatever Ricky and Ryan were talking about.

"... bassist for Metallica lives here," Ricky's excited voice started. "Cliff Burton! Man, if he was still alive, that would be so cool ---."

What the hell was Metallica?

I frowned, then shifted, my butt going numb from sitting still for so long.

"We'd better get going," I said, sliding off the hood. "Dark will be here soon."

"Right. We gotta walk the distance down, so I hope you're really up for it."

"I am."