Under My Sofa

Bigger things

We're friends, we've been as such for years
Through sunny skies and salty tears
We share a mutual love of rain
Our minds are equally insane
The heavens cry for things we lost
The lack of trust, and what it cost
The paint with which our minds embossed
I want my parents, and you want yours gone
You talk and talk about your faults
Your dreams, your struggles, and then you halt
Expecting me to do the same
To play a kind of sympathy game
To throw around explicit claims
And I can't
I pour my feelings into bigger things
Mathematical formulas and the joy they bring
I fight
For what I deem as right
Apparently it's called deflection
I just see it as seeing my reflection
Magnified to greater heights
Issues within the public sights
No one cares about my life's flaws
But lending that feeling to another cause
Opens up so many doors
Makes you really stop and pause
And realise
It's not just a disguise
When you look in the mirror there's truth in your eyes
Your deflections aren't really lies
Talking in second person isn't such a surprise
Though I may be self-centred as you cried
It seems like I don't have problems, but I tried
To be part of a multi-person side
It might seem trivial
But that's more perspective
Because of where your problems live
They seem the biggest and least likely to give
But this is just a way to hide
Behind things large enough to cast a shadow that covers the darkness of my mind
I think you'll find
That I still know sunny skies and salty tears
I've had my failures over the years
I have my fair share of fears
But I just don't shelter from the rain
In the worry the sun will cause me pain
Just because I constantly talk
Without expressing the fears that stalk
Doesn't mean we always walk
Completely different paths
We both live under salty rain and sunny hearts
We both understand poison darts
Know what it's like to reboot and restart
We just make very different art
You piece words together, I pick them apart

***

I wrote this for a friend, after what I wouldn't call and argument as much as vastly differing coping mechanisms that drove her to pretty much implode, followed by a deep mutual analysis of behavioural and psychological issues, that was almost certainly too calm, and left  me feeling like I assessed the problem too scientifically.

I never claimed my friendships were healthy.

I guess this is another form of 'apology' poetry like Compromise, (although different friend), so feel free once again to share any poems along those lines.

Alex xxx