Under My Sofa

Jumbled

When I say I use my heart to think
It sounds cold, calculating
After all, emotions that are written in ink
Are never as potent as those held within
But is it a sin?
Well we'll see, let's begin.

It's not that I don't like my feelings in my chest
It's more that I need to confirm their address
What comes from my heart and what comes from my head?
Do I care, or is it just logic instead?

How does one define feeling?
It leaves a mind reeling
It isn't a choice
And it gives you a voice

My thoughts are the same
They just enter the frame
With no kind of forewarning
Raging and storming

They hurt far more than emotion does
Cause more damage, draw more blood
I'm a philosopher, one that loves math
Logic and dreaming tear me in half

While the love that I bear
Is a choice, not a burden
Not like when I'm thinking
Slowly sinking
Into a primordial soup of conflicting opinion

And so I conclude, that contrary to others
It's the thought that smothers
While emotion is easy
A refuge, safe place to be

Love is a choice for me
Not a knee jerk reaction
So I've decided emotion comes from my head
Something I could have fled
Thinking that love ain't dead

As thoughts build up inside my heart
Logic conflicting with nonsensical art
Pinned down to my chest with poison darts
Slowly shredding my lungs apart

Thinking hurts, and it's not about logic
And it's my heart that aches, longs for an off-switch
While my brain is fond of thinking of feelings
And intimate dealings

But honestly, I can't say if it's wrong or right
I'm too close to my head and heart to let either take flight
I might be messed up, but my brain is still light
And my heart is satisfied I that can still write

It's a reverse on the inside,
But is it bad? You decide.

***

Does anyone else relate to this?

I come on here and I read all this stuff about how difficult it is to love people and be in relationships, but I don't see any reflection of that in my personal life. For me it really is the thoughts that are difficult to come to terms with.

Religion, infinity, Zeno's paradoxes, the universe, chaos theory, atomic structure, the nature of electrons, morals, jobs, university, spelling.

HOW IS LOVE SEEN AS MORE COMPLEX THAN THOSE THINGS? It's so easy!

Anyway.

Obviously some people see it differently.

As always, please leave a poem in the comments or recommend an anthology.

Alex xxx