VENDETTA [LAMS]

Chapter 44 [Gunshot At The Food Court]

John's POV

I answered my phone, "Hello?"

"Kuya! We miss you!" An angelic voice says. Mary.

"Why are you calling me Mary?" I ask as I glanced at a confused Hamilton starring at me.

"Kuya James is crying." She says from the other line.

"Why?"

"I dunno." She says and I heard mumbling and talking from the other line.

I spoke up, "Angel, why are you using dad's phone?"

"Well, I need to call you since dad's passed out on the couch, again." She says sadly. "Kuya James keeps crying but he always tries to make me happy by making me food for dinner. Is it okay to eat twice a day? Snacks and dinner?"

"Angel, I don't think—"

"Kuya James is also getting thin. Do we lack money for my birthday? Are you able to go to my birthday? Mommy will be comming! She promised!" She says. I can feel the happiness and excitement lingering on her tone.

"I miss you so much, Angel. When do you want me to go there?" I asked. Alexander started typing on his laptop.

"Tomorrow!" She says.

I frowned, "You know I can't do that."

"But why?" She asks.

"Kuya James and Henry Jr are so sad and have been talking about you..." Her voice trailed off and the phone call ended suddenly with a half cut shout... by Henry Jr or James?

One question was on my mind: Dad, what the fuck did you do now?

I bit my lower lip, fuck fuck fuck...

Something bad is happening at my place. This isn't good. Well, of course it's not good. What can you expect? It's my dad.

"Hey, bab, you alright? You look more stressed out." Alex says turning his laptop off.

I frowned at him, "Not really."

Remember what happend earlier?

I trying to tell him but somehow those words won't come out of my mouth. I couldn't say it. I couldn't do it. "A-Alex just please know and believe me when I say I love you. I really do. I just don't have the correct words." I laughed lightly, "How could so much feeling fit into three small words such as I love you?"

"I don't know, John." He says as he kisses my forehead.

"I love you Alex."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" He asks

I shook my head, "I'll tell you when I'm comfortable."

"Promise me, you'll tell me okay? I'm here. I'm always here walking with you every step of the way." He said.

Wow. John. You're such a fucking idiot.

I am pissed and mad at myself for being so preposterous. And great, my sister's birthday is comming up soon. I told Alex that I'll tell him when I'm comfortable?

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Comfortable? I had like four—five months NOW for being 'comfortable'. Why can't I say it? Why can't I be honest? Why can't I just open up? Is it because I'm afraid of being judged? Left alone? Rejected? Protecting my feelings? Wait—because I'm selfish.