American Woman: Book 3

Chapter 63

I eventually couldn't stand to listen to it anymore, and retreated up to the living quarters with Devon. I changed her and nursed her, all the while blubbering uncontrollably. I didn't know if I was crying more bc of the possibility of my little baby being deaf to some degree or bc of Prince's meltdown to the discovery. I almost picked up the phone to call Laura, but I remember how she said she wanted us to try to resolve things on our own before involving her. After I burped Devon and rocked her to sleep, I decided to go check on him. I couldn't hear anything as I approached the door and wasn't sure if he was still in there, but I slowly pushed it open and saw him lying on the couch with his elbow over his eyes, breathing irrationally. His studio looked like what I have always imagined rock stars hotel rooms to look like after a night of partying too hard. Everything was trashed...the drum seat and all the drums and cymbals were knocked over, every guitar and amp was scattered about, a keyboard was flipped over with the stand broke into pieces, and what I think used to be a microphone stand was shattered. I quietly crept over to him and laid down next to him. I put my right hand on his chest and gave it a small peck where it was unbuttoned, exposing his skin. "Baby, what can I do to help?"
"Nothing." He replied, his bottom lip quivering.
"Do you want to pray? We could do it together or call over Brother Gibson...."
"I don't know. Maybe." He responded, still not taking his arm off his face.
"I can go call him if you want." I suggest.
"Ok." He choked out.
I quickly go into the lobby and call from there. He unfortunately couldn't come over but said he would be happy to pray with us over the phone. I told him I would call back on my cell. I ran upstairs and checked on Devon who was still sound asleep and grabbed my phone and took it to the studio. Prince was now sitting up on the couch, his eyes bloodshot and his face flushed and tear stained. "He's going to pray over the phone with us. I'll put it on speaker." I told him and he nodded slightly. I dialed the number and Brother Gibson answered immediately. He chatted with us for a few minutes, clarifying what exactly had happened at the doctor and at home. I didn't mention Prince's breakdown but surprisedly he opened up about it to Brother Gibson on his own. I could hear and see the shame as he explained what he did. I rubbed my hand up and down his back trying to bring him a little bit of comfort and reassurance. "Ok well of course we can pray that the doctor finds nothing wrong with Devons hearing when you go to your appointment in a few weeks, but I think it is more important to pray that whatever news you do receive that you acknowledge it is Gods will and that you will do whatever necessary to make the best of it. If it is good news, you will give thanks to Him. If it is bad news, you will see it as a challenge to grow closer to Him and become better people, parents, and Christians bc of it." He then led us in a beautiful prayer that expressed things in such a way that I actually felt peace wash over me. I felt that no matter what happens, we could face it. After hanging up, I look over at Prince who seemed to have a calmness to his face that he didn't have before, but there was still a lot of sadness. Before I could say anything, he melted into my arms. His head was buried in my stomach and his arms were clinging to my waist. "I'm just so scared and angry momma. What if she never hears? What kind of life will she lead? Will she ever be able to talk or communicate with us?"
"I don't know baby. I hope so..." I answer, trying to hold back my tears.
"Will she ever hear books read to her? Will she ever hear stories told to her? Will she ever hear music?" He takes in a sharp breath and begins to sob.
"I don't know...."
"What is wrong with me?! Why do I keep passing on birth defects to my poor innocent children? She was so perfect..."
"There is nothing wrong with you, and she still  is perfect!" I exclaim, standing to my feet. "Don't say she's not perfect. She is!" I cry out.
"Baby I..." he stammered.
"What if she is deaf? What if she never hears anything or never utters a word?! Will you love her any less?!" I shriek.
"No. Of course not..." He proclaims.
"Ok then let's just stop worrying about the what ifs when they aren't going to change the way we feel about her. We will love her unconditionally."
"I know that Jensen. But it just kills me...it kills me to think she will never hear an instrument play, never hear someone sing..."
"Stop making this about you! I understand all those things are important to you, and yeah it will be awful. I couldn't imagine never hearing music. But there is more to life. And you know it. I studied about hearing impaired children in college. They can learn, they can speak, they can live full meaningful lives. Just stop making this about your fears. She is not going to need parents who feel sorry for or pity her. She's going to need strong parents who will help her with her struggles. So stop fretting over all the things she may not be able to do and put your focus into finding out how you can help her accomplish those things." I turn and exit the room, not waiting for his reaction.
When he didn't come up to the house for a couple of hours, I figured I had pissed him off royally. The weight of the drama of the day hit me early and I put Devon and myself to bed around 8:00. When I heard her crying at 10:52, I raised up to get her but I heard Prince's soft voice tell me to lay back down. Through the darkness, I could see his silhouette walk over to the bassinet and pick her up. "It's ok baby girl. Daddy's here. Let's go get a bottle..." he continues talking to her as he leaves our bedroom. I was pleased to know he was talking to her even though we are both pretty positive she can't hear any of it. I had just drifted off back to sleep when I heard him come back into the room and lay her down. "Goodnight beautiful. Sweet dreams." I hear him whisper as he pecks her forehead with his lips. He walks around to his side of the bed and climbs in and covers up. I roll over to face him, overwhelmed with love for him and feeling bad for being so harsh with him earlier. I cradle his face and search for his lips, finally finding them and immediately slipping my tongue inside his mouth. He wastes no time reciprocating and we fight for dominance while moaning in pleasure and desperation for each other. "I'm sorry momma. I was out of control and selfish..." he says while making his way down my neck.
"No I'm sorry baby. I was too harsh. All of your fears are valid. I should have let you express your feelings." I pant out as I run my hands under the back of his shirt. "I mean you are the most talented musician and I can't imagine how hard it is to think she will never get to appreciate your greatness..."
"Stop momma. First of all I have faith she will, but even if she doesn't, you were right, there are more important things in life and it won't change my feelings for her. I love my family and nothing can change that." He reassures me.
Prince?" I whisper in his ear.
"Yeah?" He responds deeply.
"Make love to me...."
"Momma you know we can't. Please don't torture me. You know how bad I want to, but we just can't." He says, resting his forehead to mine and sighing loudly.
"I've healed up quite a bit. Maybe it will be ok." I suggest.
He runs his fingers over the outside of my panties and I wince and squeeze his biceps. "No Jensen, it's not ok. Look how much just that hurt you. I won't do it. But will you let me taste you now?" He offers.
"Yeah. But let me take a shower first. Ok?"
"Let's go baby." He says, helping me out of the bed.
We take a quick shower and dry off. He holds my hand and lays me down at the edge of the bed and kneels on the floor. He goes over to the end table by his side of the bed and lights a candle, giving us just enough dim light to see each up close but not enough to possibly disturb the sleeping baby. My body was shaking a little and he seemed to notice. "Are you cold honey?"
"No. I'm just a little nervous. Please just stay by the clit. And don't look at or touch lower...."
"I won't momma. Well I won't touch it anyway, I can't promise I won't look." He chuckles. "There is nothing for you to be ashamed of Jensen." He gently parts my legs with his hands and I spread them slowly for him. "Mmmmm it is still so beautiful baby." He groans as he pulls the hood of my clit back and gives it a small lick.
"Oh God!" I loudly cry, grabbing a fistful of his hair.
"Are you ok?" Prince stops to ask.
"Yeah, I just had forgotten how amazing it feels. Don't stop." I urge.
He puts his head back down and creeps his tongue out, lightly grazing my clit up and down and then back and forth. He keeps up this pattern for awhile before swirling the tip of his tongue in circles around my swollen pearl. "Mmmmmm baby...it feels so good...I want to taste you too." I beg in desperation.
"Sixty nine?" He asked curiously.
I nod my head while biting my bottom lip anxiously. Still wanting to be careful of my nether region, we laid on our sides, facing each other's privates. Prince rested his head on the inside of my left upper thigh while bending my right leg and propping it up on the bed and out of the way. He goes back to his work on my clit as I take his half flaccid dick into my mouth. It only took a few strokes to get him completely hard. "Oh momma! Suck me hard!" He pleads against my clit. I could feel the sexual and life frustrations mixed with lust radiating from him. We took our time pleasuring one another and screamed for each other during our highs. He crawls to me afterwards and captures my lips causing both of us to taste ourselves. "I love you Jensen." He breathes out.
"I love you too. So much. Everything is going to be ok baby." I reply, wrapping him up in my arms.
"I shouldn't have reacted that way in the studio. I could have hurt one or both of you. It's not acceptable. I haven't gotten that angry in a very long time, maybe ever. Thank you for taking Devon and leaving. I swear nothing like that will ever happen again, around y'all or not. It will be on the top of my list for Laura tomorrow." He admits.
"I'm glad to hear that baby. But you did tell us to get out so..."
"I did?!" He asked surprised.
"Yeah. You told me to get out and take Devon. So your subconscious knew to protect us." I replied.
"I honestly don't remember anything after I played the guitar and saw she didn't even flinch. It's like I blacked out or something." He explained. "I can't be losing control like that. I'm not sure I ever have to that degree so it scares me. I don't want my girls seeing that. I don't want you to think I'm a loose cannon or Devon to be scared of me."
"Baby seeing as you are 43 and this is the first time you have ever done something like that doesn't really scream loose cannon. You were angry and scared..."
"That's no excuse. You were feeling the same emotions and I didn't see you acting like a psycho!" He exclaims.
"Let's not dwell on it. You recognize it wasn't a healthy way to express your emotions and you plan on working on it. Don't beat yourself up over it. I still love you. I'm not mad at you. And Devon will never remember it." I say, kissing him softly.
"I'm so lucky to have you Jensen. Nobody else has ever helped make me a better man. You are so patient with me and all my issues. I'll never be able to tell you how much I appreciate your love and support." He returns the kiss and things heat up quickly. "Round two?" He whispers seductively.
"Ok." I giggle, moving to get back in position but before we could get settled Devon started wailing.
"That little cockblocker." Prince groans.
"Babe!" I laugh. "Don't call her that!!!"
"I swear she knew. She did it on purpose." He jokes.
"Take care of yourself daddy. I'm going to go nurse her." I say getting up and putting on my robe.
"It wasn't that I was just horny momma. I wanted you." He calls out after me.
"I'll be back. Don't fall asleep!" I tease as I close the bedroom door. "Sweet girl it might be a good thing you won't be able to hear what will happen when mommy gets back in the room with daddy." I chuckle sit down in the rocking chair to nurse her.