American Woman: Book 3

Chapter 19

The next couple of weeks went smoothly with me attending my therapy sessions regularly. I was struggling with guilty feelings for being so happy this soon after my parents' deaths. "I know that's the goal of this, for me to be happy and healthy and have a positive outlook on life again. However, anytime I'm smiling or c or having a good time, in the back of my mind I feel ashamed. Even when I'm making love to my husband, I'm thinking I shouldn't be partaking in the joys of life this soon. What would my parents think if they knew just a few short weeks after they died unexpectedly and horrifically that I was smiling and as laughing and excited about my future..."
"I think they would be proud. Proud of how strong you are. Proud that you aren't going to allow this destroy you. Proud that you will bring honor to their family by moving on and creating your own family. Do you think your parents want to see you hurting? That is letting the evilness that took them take you too."
"I suppose you're right. And I still have my moments of anger and sadness..."
"And you will for a long time..possibly your whole life to some degree...but the amount of yourself you let it consume is where the problem lies."
"I just don't want to appear insensitive or uncaring....but this baby has brought more hope and happiness than I ever imagined and it's not even here yet."
"That's wonderful Jensen. In fact so wonderful that I think we can start cutting back our sessions. You are doing far better than I ever imagined, especially this quickly. We are going to try just two times a week, but at any point if you or I feel like that isn't enough, we can change it back. Or if you are having an extra rough week, we can do more."
I agreed to that and left excited to tell Prince. I found him in his studio. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, kissing his cheek. "Hey baby. Guess what? Laura thinks I'm doing so well I can cut down sessions to just twice a week. Isn't that great?"
"It sure is momma." He smiles, but it wasn't as enthusiastic as I was expecting. Thinking maybe I was interrupting a creative moment, I quickly exited. I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and while taking a bite of an apple, I stared at the calendar hanging on the fridge and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Today was October 16...Ahmir's birthday. Even though I wasn't sure Prince would want it brought up or want to talk about it, I couldn't ignore it. He has done so much for me and my grief, I can't ignore his own. I decided to wait for him to be done in the studio. About an hour later, he walked into the living room where I was sitting reading my pregnancy books. He sat down beside me and rubbed my growing belly. It's almost like the baby was waiting for us to finally figure it out and now it was ready to show itself. I had a definite bump now that was causing my clothes to be tight. "I think you need to invest in some maturity clothes soon baby."
"Yeah I know. My buttons and zippers are holding on for dear life." I laugh. Closing my book, I turn my body towards him. "I know that today is when Ahmir was born. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really momma. But thanks for acknowledging it. I think that's always the thing about losing somebody close to you. You never forget, and you don't want anyone else to either. You want others to remember how important and valuable they were."
"I get it. I really do. I don't want anyone to forget my parents as the months and years pass. I want people to remember they mattered."
"Exactly." He said, kissing me lightly. "You know I struggle with feeling this happy about the new baby too. I don't ever want anyone or him to think I don't care anymore or that this baby is a replacement."
"I was actually talking to Laura about that today. Guilty about being this happy."
"I don't want to feel guilty either, but I do sometimes, especially around people who were around when Mayte was pregnant and Ahmir was born. I dread Mayte finding out a little bit. I don't want to hurt her." He said solemnly.
"I understand. I don't want to either, but she's going to find out sooner or later...."
"I know. I'm trying to figure out if she should hear it from me or if I should just let her find out."
"Well you don't see me calling up Lenny. Not to sound insensitive honey, but there is no reason to call her about it."
"Maybe not, but Jensen she wanted to be a mother pretty badly too. I'm afraid this may crush her a little..."
"Well she's going to marry Tommy Lee. Who is to say they won't have kids?"
"They're not together anymore, or at least they weren't at your parents' service last month."
I don't know what came over me but seeing him so wrapped up in her feelings was starting to piss me off and maybe coupled with my pregnancy hormones I snapped like I used to. "If you're so concerned about her not having a baby right now, why don't you just go make one with her? Or better yet do you want to just give her ours?!" I start to stand up to storm out of the room.
Prince gently grabs my arm, stopping me. "Momma sit back down please. I don't want to pull you back down and I'm not going to chase after you bc of the baby. Please don't run off, sit back down and talk to me." He pleads.
I sigh loudly, crossing my arms "I'll stand right here but I'm not sitting back down. So talk."
"We haven't done this in a really, really long time. I thought we had moved passed this. It's such an unhealthy way to communicate and you know it. Will you do some breathing please and then talk to me?" Prince suggests calmly.
I rolled my eyes and quickly did one of the breathing techniques we had learned. "I'm still pissed...."
"Ok. That's ok to feel that way. Why are you pissed? You know I would never intentionally do or say anything to upset you. You need to remember that first and foremost."
"You just seemed so concerned about Mayte finding out about our baby. Almost like we did something wrong. Do you think we did something wrong?" I ask, my voice starting to shake.
"Of course not..."
"I understand she may be a little hurt, but I'm not going to not be happy..."
"I never said that baby. I never said we shouldn't be happy. I just meant we need to be sensitive to her feelings if we happen to see or talk to her. You know like maybe not gush and go on and on about the baby like we do in front of other people. That's all I meant." Prince reaches out to unfold my arms and sits me on his lap. "And how dare you say I should make a baby with her, or worse, give her our baby. I don't like hearing stuff like that. You know how much I love you and our baby. I don't want a baby with anyone else and would never give our baby to anyone for any reason. That is straight up crazy talk." He says, kissing my shoulder.
"I know. I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean it. I can't go back to this behavior. I won't. We have a child now. Maybe I'm not ready to cut down my therapy sessions..."
"Oh momma don't go that far. One little episode in months is no reason for alarm. Plus you're pregnant. Your hormones are all over the place. I think we can blame this one on that. But next time you are starting to feel angry with me remember that is not my intention. Breath and talk to me. Ok?"
I nod my head and lean in for a kiss. "We don't have to be ashamed or guilty for feeling happy about our baby. This is an exciting time in our lives. God wants us to be happy." I tell him. Prince brings his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss. I turn so that I am straddling him and run my fingers through his hair. I begin to grind my pussy into his growing member. I suddenly pull back before letting anything progress further. "Our next appointment is in a couple of weeks. We need to decide if we want to find out what the baby is or wait until delivery."
"Do we have to talk about this right now?!" Prince asks, pushing down on his crotch.
"If we can make a decision right now, I'll let you do anything you want to me on this couch. I could ride you." I say, rocking my hips and making him throw his head back and moan. "You could put me on all fours and fuck me doggy style." I suggest, biting my lip at him making him buck his hips upwards.
"I could get down on my knees and suck your dick." I continue, sticking my finger in my mouth seductively causing Prince to whimper.
"You could..."
"I want to find out what the baby is at the appointment!" He groans out, his eyes glazed over in anticipation.
"Really?!"
"Yes. But if you don't want to we don't have to." He says urgently.
"I just don't know. I see pros and cons to both ways. I..."
"Momma you're killing me. You said if we made a decision..."
"But we haven't yet..."
"Well I told you my decision so I did my part, now please...."
"Please what?!" I ask, playing dumb.
"I want you." He responds desperately.
"What do you want?" I ask innocently.
"Jensen you're torturing me." He pleads.
"Tell me what you want daddy. Talk dirty to me." I whisper in his ear and start unbuttoning his shirt.
"Shit baby. You feeling naughty?" He asks.
"Mmmmmhmmmm" I respond, running my hands in his chest hair.
"You want to be my dirty little girl?" He says, pulling my shirt off over my head. I nod my head and bat my eyelashes at him. "You want your man to eat your pussy?" He says deeply, causing me to moan. "Yeah that's what you want. You want my warm tongue working your clit around and around. Then I'll put my mouth over it and lick up and down fast with the tip of my wet tongue. Just when you're almost about to release, I will put my fingers inside your aching pussy and find your g-spot and rub it until you're cumming. Then I'll suck up every drop of your sweet..."
"Fuck baby." I groan. "If you don't take me right now I'm about to have to take matters into my own hands."
"Wait. So are we finding out what the baby is?" He smirks, giving me a taste of my own medicine while beginning to rub my clit with his fingers.
"Yes!" I yell out.
"Yes we are finding out or yes that feels good?" He laughs.
"Both." I moan. "We can find out. Oh God Prince. Please. Please...."
"Please what baby?"
"Do what you were saying...." I beg.
"My pleasure." He smiles, while laying me down on the couch.