American Woman: Book 3

Chapter 55

I decided to not say anything to Prince about my worries. I wanted him to approach me if he was feeling apprehensive and not feel like I was nagging him. The rest of that day and night he never said anything about the class other than asking if I would want the baby to go to the nursery or not. I told him I wasn't sure and it may just depend on how I am feeling at the hospital. He never came right out and said he wanted her to stay in our room, but he hinted that it would be more "private" if she wasn't in the nursery where other people could see her. He may have not expressed anything about feeling overwhelmed but I could tell something was off or bothering him. He didn't talk much and when I eventually said I was going to bed for the night, he stayed up and didn't join me. That rarely happens and I thought maybe he just needed some space or alone time so I didn't make a fuss about it. I'm not sure what time he came to bed, but I did roll over and feel him at one point. We went to church the following morning but he really didn't seem present and he didn't want to stay to mingle like he normally does afterwards. When we got home and I started making suggestions for lunch, he said he wasn't hungry and was going to the studio for awhile. Again I didn't push for him to talk, but I was becoming more scared. He seemed to be doing what I was afraid he would do...escape into his music and detach. I was happy that he and I both had a session with Laura tomorrow bc if he was still distant, I was going to bring it up and have her help us through it. And that's just what happened bc I barely saw him all day and night Sunday and only felt him in bed at some point early Monday morning.
"I have my lactation appointment today so I can only stay for an hour." I said when Laura first arrived.
"Oh that's fine. I can spend the last half of the session with just Prince." She suggested and we both agreed to it. "So anything in particular..."
I didn't even let her finish before I blurted out "I'm scared Prince is having second thoughts about wanting a baby..."
"Um...ok...wow!" Laura stuttered. "That is a mighty big statement Jensen. What makes you think that? Has he said that?"
"No I haven't..." Prince interrupts.
"Ok let her answer." Laura chimes in. "Let's see why she is feeling that way. Jensen?"
"Well we had our childbirth class on Saturday and it was fine at first but then when the instructor started showing us how to care for a newborn, Prince became increasingly frustrated and he's barely talked to me or spent time with me since then. I'm scared he is already regretting wanting a baby and she's not even her yet so what's he going to do once she is here." I answer, fighting back tears.
"Well have you told him any of this? Or asked him what he is feeling?" Laura asked.
"No..."
"Ok well that's the first problem...."
"I wanted to wait and discuss it once you were around." I tried to explain.
"I understand your thinking Jensen, but I really need to be used after you've tried talking through it and can't work it out on your own. You have to approach each other first. Don't wait for me. The goal is to not need me anymore eventually."
I nod my head, understanding her point.
"So Prince, are Jensen's feelings accurate? You need to be open and honest. It is ok to feel the way she thinks you do." Laura explains.
"I did become frustrated, that is true. But just with doubting whether or not I can be a good father and husband. I don't want to mess anything up or let anyone down." He sighs.
"Ok that's all valid. First of all, you need to realize you aren't doing to do everything perfectly, and neither will Jensen. You both will make plenty of mistakes, or at least think you are. Parenting brings out a lot of self doubt and many new worries. But both of you need to understand that everyone feels that way. All you can do is try your best and learn from each other and other people. Don't dwell on any mistakes you do make, just try to correct them and move on. It will be very important for both of you to be as supportive as possible, especially in the first few days and weeks when the other will be feeling overwhelmed, tired, clueless...reassure each other. I promise you the little mistakes will not damage or hurt your baby. So Prince have you been avoiding Jensen or..."
"Well I didn't mean for it to come off that way, but I guess it did. I just hate feeling lost or not in control and that's what I was feeling after that class. Like the ultimate clueless idiot who won't remember all the things I am supposed to do or not do. I don't want Jensen to be disappointed in me and I don't want to do something to harm my baby, but what you were saying makes sense." He turned to me and said "I'm sorry momma. I just needed to go to the studio bc that is a place where I feel like I know it all and won't screw anything up. I feel confident there and guess I needed that ego boost. I sure wasn't trying to push you away."
"That's great Prince. You articulated that perfectly." Laura said encouragingly.
"Baby I'm nervous too. You aren't going to disappoint me as long as you're trying. The only way I'm going to be let down is if you run away and aren't involved. I'm fine with you escaping to the studio, I actually think it will be a great stress reliever for you. But it can't last all day and it can't be in place of sharing your feeling with me."
"You guys, that was perfect. See you really didn't need me at all. Jensen I know it's about time for you to leave, but I want the focus for awhile to be on not hiding your feelings from each other and talking it out like you just did first before waiting on me. No relying on me unless you have come to an impasse on something."
We nodded our heads in agreement and Prince walked me out to the car. "Be careful baby. I'll see you when you get back. I won't be hiding out in the studio."
"That's good. I've missed you. We can handle a newborn together surely, right?" I say, looking up at him from the driver's seat.
"I think so momma. I'm sorry for shutting down. I don't want you to think I'm not still excited. I am, but I'm really nervous too. But I guess there have been crackheads who have raised children so hopefully we can too." He chuckled.
"Not sure how to respond to that. That's the spirit I guess?!" I laugh. "She is going to be loved unconditionally that's for sure. Everything else we will figure out as we go. I better leave before I'm late."
"You know you really don't have to take this class. I could teach her how to suck your titties right..."
"Babe!" I shriek. "That's just downright disturbing."
He laughs while leaning in to kiss me goodbye. By the end of my lactation session, I needed an escape. I was definitely doubting my abilities so  I decided to put Laura's advice into action as soon as I got home and talk to Prince about it. Even though it was only 3:00 when I arrived back, all the cars in the parking lot were gone. Prince must have sent everyone home early. Not sure if that's a good sign or not. Hope nothing happened where he got angry and sent everyone away. As I walk into our living quarters, I notice all the lights were off. Oh great! He said he wouldn't be in the studio, but looks like he's not up here. As I made my way to change into something more comfortable, I noticed rose petals in the shape of an arrow pointing to our bedroom. I giggled with relief that he must have sent everyone home so the house could be empty while he seduces me. I open the door slowly, and see Prince standing by a CD player which he hits and a song I've never heard comes on.

I knew it was one his songs though when I heard his voice crooning at the beginning. He smiles at me and pulls me in to dance with him. We start moving back and forth in a tight embrace and the first lyric comes on which said "future baby mama." I giggle into his neck "oh no!"
"Shhhh just listen." He breathes into my ear. His falsetto hits my ears and I instantly want to melt. "Fuck baby your voice is so sexy." I know it sounds crazy but I honestly sometimes forget he is "Prince" until I hear songs like this. We continued to sway as I listened to the song. It was hard to focus as he rubbed his hands up and down my back and occasionally my butt while singing along at times in my ear. Then it got to the second verse and he was talking deeply in the background of the song. I raise my head up and look into his eyes, then rest my forehead to his as we rocked our bodies and I soaked in all the words. By the third verse he just straight up seductively talked the entire thing. I began kissing him tenderly for the rest of the song. When it ended, I pulled back "is that what you've been working on the last couple of days?"
"Yes. Do you like it?" He asked hesitantly.
"I'll let you check." I say, grabbing his hand and putting it down my pants and into my panties.
"You're soaked..."
"You're damn right I am, and I guarantee you I wasn't before I walked in here. That song was about me right?" I teased.
"Jensen don't ruin it." He chuckled while removing my pants.
"Well it said future baby mama and I'm more like present baby mama..."
"Baby don't overanalyze the lyrics. I have to make things flow. You were definitely the inspiration for this song. Now did you actually like it or did it just turn you on?"
"Both. It was a killer song and your voice both singing and talking made me cream my panties. Now turn it back on, put it on repeat, and make love to me." I demand.
"With pleasure." He replied. "I don't think we have ever had sex to one of my songs before."
"Well next time we want to get me pregnant let's put this one on bc it's definitely a baby maker." I giggle.
"Thanks for being my baby mama and inspiring this song." He smiles while removing his clothes.
"So does that mean I get royalties off of it if you put it on an album one day?" I joke.
"Do you even know what that means?" He asks, standing by the edge of the bed and gently pushing me back to lay down on my back.
"No not really." I laugh. "I get paid?"
"How about I just pay you for it right now." He suggests while falling to his knees and beginning to kiss my inner thighs.
"Deal!" I moan as he works his way to my dripping core. I knew I wouldn't last long and I was right when I was already screaming in ecstasy before the song even finished. As the song came on again and he positioned himself to enter me, I felt like a goddess. Knowing my love was able to influence such a beautiful song was quite breath taking. I know he had written The Most Beautiful Girl in the World for me and even though I'm sure there has been others that he just hasn't shared with me, something about this one felt different. We weren't even together when he wrote TMBGITW so even though I absolutely love it, it doesn't feel as authentic to our relationship as this one. It has had to be kept under wraps that it was about me, but this one doesn't have to hide our love.