The Drunken Feathers

Scene xxxiii

WILLIS: My name is Mr. Willis.

KING GEORGE III: Your black clothes! You wear black clothes! Are you a clergyman? Tell me you are a clergyman, for the love of God!

WILLIS: I once was, but I gave it up for the study of medicine.

KING GEORGE III: [Aggravated] I am sorry for it, for you have quitted a profession I have always loved, and you have embraced one I most heartily detest.

WILLIS: Sir, our Savior Himself went about healing the sick.

KING GEORGE III: Yes, yes, but He had not 700 pounds a year for it.

DR. ADDINGTON: [Cautiously steps forward] Mr. Willis, might I introduce you to the other physicians?

DR. ADDINGTON leads WILLIS over to the other physicians. Each of them bows when they are introduced.

DR. ADDINGTON: This is Dr. Warren, Dr. Heberden, Dr. Reynolds, and Sir Pepys.

WILLIS: What methods of discipline have you exercised on the patient so far?

DR. REYNOLDS: [Insulted] The 'patient?'

DR. WARREN: We do not discipline the King.

WILLIS: Does he not attack his physicians and attendants?

SIR PEPYS: He does, but only when impassioned.

WILLIS: And how often is he impassioned, Sir Pepys?

SIR PEPYS: [Embarrassed] On a daily basis.

WILLIS: Then why should he not be reprimanded?

DR. WARREN: Because it would serve no purpose. The King is insane, and there is no hope that he can ever recover.

WILLIS: Is that what you think?

DR. WARREN: [Glaringly] It is what I know, sir.

WILLIS: Hm. [Walks over to the bed, and notices strips of cloth attached to the bed-poles] What are these?

DR. HEBERDEN: They are tied around the King's limbs every night; they are all that keep him from jumping out of his bed and running round the house.

WILLIS: How often do you tie him down during the day?

DR. WARREN: We do not use the straps during the day. His Majesty had made his objections to that quite plain.

WILLIS: It is inconsequential whether or not he wishes to wear the straps. He shall wear them whenever he misbehaves or acts indecently. It is the same as breaking in a horse; punish when bad behavior is displayed, and reward when good behavior is displayed.

DR. WARREN: His Majesty is not a horse; he is insane. [To the other physicians] How can you gentlemen bear to listen to what Mr. Willis is saying? He evidently hasn't got the slightest notion of how to treat the King.

WILLIS: Unlike you incompetent, so-called physicians, I will not treat the King; I will cure him. Not only do I have years of experience with the insane, but I have cured them entirely- on multiple occasions, Dr. Warren- whereas your greatest accomplishment in the field of medicine is that you once treated two fevers in the same week.

KING GEORGE III: [Sitting at a small table, yelling at SERVANT #5] I won't have this mush, I tell you! I won't have it! [He knocks a bowl of porridge off the table]