What If? |SDMN FF|

.Chapter 8.

.Tobi's POV.

I looked at Josh and the state he was in once more. Is this a mental institution or a fucking torture chamber. I though this was a place to make you better, not a place that can mentally and physically damage you permanently. "Classified information. I understand that, but look at the bloody state he is in. Why is he like that? You can't just assume that we won't asking questions?!" JJ stated in a angry tone.

"Please calm now. You are all concerned but we cannot give you that vital information. Only for staff members only. Not for patients. Conformation purposes." The doctor stated, to all of us. I crossed my arms. Honestly, what the actual fuck. What they are saying is absolute bullshit.

It's not classified information, they generally do not want to tell any of us what they do once they leave a room.

"This session has been dismissed. You can now be escorted back to your rooms." The person over the intercom stated.

"YOU BASTARD." Josh shouted whilst he was being escorted to the door. The doctor had a small smirk upon his face, but faded once he saw me staring at him. He coughed and looked at all the nurse, nodding at them before my nurse escorted me back to my room.

Once I arrived into my room, I saw a little cup filled with the medication I needed for today, as well as a glass of water right beside it. Simon strolled in shortly, escorted by the same nurse I had. "You two, take your medicine and I will check up on you later on." The nurse stated, before slamming the door forcefully, making Simon and I jump.

"Please take your medicine..." The person over the intercom stated.

After taking the medicine, I leaned against the wall, that my bed was against, looking at Simon, who was in his own little world. At times I wonder how its like to live with schizophrenia, must be so horrifying. Much worse than what I went through. Constantly being attacked by the hallucination that is always by your side.

I looked down at my wrists and saw the scars that were healed, then the vertical ones on each arm. I felt my eyes water, and lifted my head up. I let out a small sigh. The urges, the temptation for me to inflict pain upon myself has never been this strong. The last time I was this clean, was when my boyfriend left me, and I felt a huge weight upon my shoulder leave me. But once he came back and used me as his personal punching bag, the weight was heavier than ever and I continuously inflict pain upon myself, until that day my brother found me.

"Your scars are battle scars, battles that you've lost" Simon stated, looking at me.  I looked at my wrists again, sighing once more, before lying down on my bed.

"I don't it to sound like I'm trying to prey my way into your personal life, but, I know you told us that you were in a relationship that was bad, how was it bad? You don't have to tell me if you don't want too." Simon asked, staring at the rotting ceiling above us.

"Well, to begin with it was really good, like I adored the guy I was with. But after a while, he started changing, like an attitude started to show and he would always blame me for things which I never did. He accused me of cheating at one point, which I never did. I thought that he was being protective, but his protectiveness turned into violent screams and physical actions."

I quickly wiped the tears away before Simon could see.

"He demanded me to stay in the house at all times or he would leave me, and I obliged, because I was scared to leave him. I loved him so much. So he would always go out, whilst I stayed at home. Waiting. At times, he would come home and take advantage, and I would do nothing, as I was not, I was not strong enough to stop him. After that, I was used more as a punching bag than his boyfriend. I started feeling empty and I needed to feel something. I couldn't feel love or lust anymore, I didn't feel happy, I just felt emptiness, and well, numb. I was constantly getting hurt, to the extent of feeling numb.

By this point, I started cutting. With the amount of pain I felt, I had to find some sort of release. Which I did. It wasn't as bad as it was until now. I would do about 1 or 2 cuts. Once finding that release, my boyfriend found out, well I told him and called me 'scum', and he left. He told me that he never wanted to be near me ever again because of what I inflicted upon myself. I hated myself for doing that, I hated myself even more. I cut upon my veins and laid on the hallway floor, waiting for death to dawn upon me. But my brother saved me. All I did was think about myself, and not my loved ones. I was so stupid." I told Simon, wiping my tears again.

"I'm sorry to hear that. No one should be treated the way you were treated at all. It's horrible to be mistreated by someone you love so much. It takes someone with balls to tell someone, who they have only met, their entire life story." Simon told me.

I sighed, "Welll at one point everyone is going to hear each others story, might as well get it out now." I retorted back.

"Since we are asking each other questions; how does it feeling like having schizophrenia?"

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sup people of the interwebs,

im currently on a half term holiday, so i wanted to write. i want to thank Sammie as i was really stumped on what to write. i missed writing, ive been too busy revising for my gcse's, hence why ive been inactive on my main and one shots. ive only got 11 exams left, 9 exams in the last 2 weeks I have, 2 after i leave, and all ill have to look forward to is my last choir concert, prom and my 3 week holiday abroad. if you enjoyed this chapter, please vote and comment, it will be much appreciated. i hope you had/have a great day, and ill hopefully see you soon!

PoJayneBartaby x