Cut to the beat

Dinosaurs

Ellen felt like she was going to throw up her heart. She could feel the bile in her throat grow and double, as it burned it's way to her mouth. She retched into the hospital bathroom, her head spinning. Her back was taut with anxiety and worry over the situation at hand. Situation at hand...Ellen sunk down onto the tiled floor. She knew it was gross, but her body could care less right now as she leaned against the corner of the bathroom stall. How was this happening to her? She felt defeated, more than she had ever been before. This aching pain she knew, but she knew it when her mother had been ripped away from her. Why did Everett have to leave her? Why couldn't she go instead? Ellen clenched her jaw as tears streamed down her ruddy cheeks. She was sick and tired of this. Tired of all the waiting, the false hope- it was time to face the music here. Her son was deteriorating, just days after turning four. He had a small life, he had come home. But still it wasn't enough. Ellen wanted a life to celebrate him and she only got half a year. She couldn't bring herself to get off the ground, so Ellen stayed on the floor until vomit seared its way up again.

"Hi, Maureen? Um, it's Patrick. I know we haven't talked in years and I don't know what Ellen's told you about us or anything. But she needs you. Like, really needs you to come fly out here." Patrick leaned against the cool wall of the hospital hallway outside Everett's room. He sighed, waiting for Maureen's reply. He knew Ellen would kill him for telling her anything, but Patrick had come to realize she needed someone besides him to get through this.

"Patrick? What on earth are you doing with Ellen's phone? She's talking to you again? Hold on what is this? Why does she need me?" Maureen was full of questions.

"We're sort of uh back together sure. That's not why she needs you. I-I'll explain. Four years ago, a while after the miscarriage, Ellen got pregnant again-"

"Yes, I know about Stella but she's been dodging my calls about comin to meet her." Patrick grimaced at Maureen's reply. He felt like Ellen would be angry with him for explaining everything but he knew she couldn't rely on him for comfort after this. Everett was dying. Really dying this time. Shutting down.

"Well that's because Stella isn't her daughter. Biologically. Ellen got pregnant the same time that Chris knocked up a woman he was sleeping with because Ellen and I were back together. To hide Ellen's pregnancy as his child, she adopted Stella at birth. She gave away our son to a closed adoption," Patrick felt silly trying to explain the mess he's been living for years. He felt dirty and embarrassed about telling Maureen, like she had an opinion he cared about.

"Jesus Christ, Ellen Kathleen," Patrick could hear Maureen's audible sighs of annoyance at her little sisters antics. She had to admit it was a genius idea although messy.

"But Maureen look, about half a year ago Everett's adoptive parents called us. It wasn't supposed to be a closed adoption ,I signed the wrong forms. We were supposed to be able to visit. So Ellen got mad at me and we weren't together for three years. Ok they called, and well it wasn't them it was LA children's hospital," Patrick closed his eyes, thinking about his son. His little boy, his everything. "Everett has a disease, leukodystrophy... I think that's it yeah. He- Maureen he's been dying since he was born and today might be the end."
Silence.

Tears welled in Patrick's eyes. Today might be the end. The end. His future with Ellen, his life, his wants, his everything. The end. He couldn't help but feel like he had failed. Everything he wants with Ellen dies eventually and it wasn't fair. Why was the universe so set on breaking them up? They loved each other. Wasn't that enough for fate?

"I- Patrick should I bring her father?" Maureen asked, her heart breaking.

"Yes." Patrick replied. Ellen would hate him for this but it was time. No more playing. No more lies. No more. Maureen hung up after that, presumably to pack for her flight to LAX. Patrick took a breath and walked to the door of Everett's room. He looked into the small glass window, seeing his fragile body connected to all sorts of machines. On a good day Patrick would tease and point out how many machines he actually knew by name. But today was not the day for these, it was not the time for games. He walked down the halls and eventually headed into the day care. Chris still wasn't back from New York, so they had placed Stella in a day care at the hospital. It was Talula and the twins day with Jill as well. Ellen wanted to know where Stella was and not just at home with a nanny.

"Patrick!" Stella hugged his legs as he walked into the play area.

"Hi Stells, whatcha up to?" Patrick ruffled Stella's head of curls before sitting with her.

"I was drawing...is Everett okay?" Stella asked, holding up a drawing of a dinosaur she wanted to give him. Patrick's heart broke. She had no idea.

"Uh he's still very sleepy. I can take that to him though." Patrick lied. He suddenly couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her. His stomach knotted.

"Where's momma?" She asked, sketching another drawing out. Patrick licked his lips.

"She's tired too. I'm sorry Stella it's a long wait for him to get better and we're trying to make sure we come visit." He apologized, feeling bad.

"I have friends but theyre leaving," Stella looked over at a few girls leaving with their mother, a nurse. Patrick nodded.

"I know Stella. I'll talk to Ellen and see when Chris comes home?" Patrick felt strange, unsure how to comfort her. Stella shrugged.

"I don't want him."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't like me very much," Stella said between coloring. She shook her head. "I want momma."
Patrick hugged the little girl before standing up.

"Stella, you be good in here. I-I'll go find Ellen for you,"

And with that Patrick was gone, chasing through the corridors. He felt like he was racing time. Ellen had said she was going to collect herself ages ago, and he knew she wasn't handling this well. Would anyone?  Patrick felt the paper drawing Stella gave him crinkle up in his tensing hands. God where was Ellen? What if Everett was gone by the time they returned?