Cut to the beat

Tiny hands

Ellen followed Patrick up to the door of Jill's house, nervous. She didn't know why, it wasn't like twin 12 week old babies were really judgmental.

"I can't wait." Patrick smiled, opening the door with his key. The house was pretty clean considering the new adjustments.

"Come on Tal, get your shoes on! Dad is here!" Jill barked at her daughter while bouncing one of the boys. Patrick stepped in,

"Oh hey Tal," he grinned at his daughter tying her own shoe finally. She looked up, pushing blonde hair from her face, laughing.

"Hi daddy!" Talulah smiled. Ellen walked in, going over to Jill.

"Oh," she cooed immediately, seeing the boy in Jill's arms. "Hi there fella!" Ellen said, a smile sliding across her face.

"Okay, good you two are here. I left everything, Patrick you should be fine, you know where I keep things. They're starting to sit up on their own a lot, so maybe engage in some toys or read to them. Okay. Bye sweetie," Jill pulled the boy off her shoulder, kissing his neck.

"This is Darby, he's a bit fussy." She handed him to Patrick, who cradled him closely. "Sully is in his crib, he sleeps a lot." Jill squeezed Patrick's arm, then grabbed Talulah's hand. "Okay, goodnight, see you two later!" She said, leaving. Ellen stood in the middle of the room, overwhelmed. Jill had ignored her, and she knew it, she didn't want her there even after Patrick said he was okay with it. She let out a deep breath, walking closer to Patrick. Darby  curled and uncurled his hand.

"Look at him Ellen, look, he's so cute," Patrick cooed, watching her watch him. She gently trickled her index finger across Darby's palm, feeling him clutch it.

"Oh. Wow. Patrick," Ellen breathed, in awe at the small baby in front of her. And even though this was not her son, the maternal instincts inside of her kicked in. She pulled her finger up, laughing at how strong Darby was. Ellen slid her shoes off, walking softly to the crib, watching Sully. He was awake, staring at his mobile.

"Hi Sully." Ellen whispered, watching as his head turned to face her. He let out a giggle. Ellen reached in the crib, picking him up. He wiggled, curling into her shoulder. "Hiya guy, how are you?" Ellen talked to him, walking to Patrick who's face was lit up. He watched Ellen with his son, how she immediately fell in love with him. It was beautiful. Darby woke up in Patrick's arms, starting to whimper. Ellen rubbed Sully's back, rocking him gently.

"Paddy, they're amazing," she said, watching Patrick sit down and grab one of the bottles from the counter as Darby's crying grew louder.

"Someone's hungry," Patrick rubbed Darby's cheek. "El can you heat the bottle?" He asked, his face growing worried as he tried to soothe the little boy. Ellen handed Patrick Sully as a trade off for the bottle, in which time Sully started to cry out as his brother did. She took a second bottle, finding on the counter an electric bottle warmer. Convenient. For breast milk is never to be microwaved. Ellen set the bottles in for a few minutes, going back over to an overwhelmed Patrick.

"Patrick, relax. The world isn't going to end if they cry." Ellen teased him, picking Darby up. She nuzzled him close, drawing patterns across his belly. He kept crying but the tone had changed. He wasn't needy anymore, he was playful. And hungry. Patrick held Sully close, and watched Ellen work her magic. She was damn good with babies. The bottle warmer beeped.

"I got it." Patrick said, opening the warmer and pulling out two lukewarm bottles. He had set Sully in Ellen's arms, letting her hold them both. He set the bottles on the table, and picked Darby up, cradling him. Ellen and Patrick fed, then burped the boys, falling into a routine. Not soon after the twins fell asleep, and Patrick showed Ellen how he sets them to bed, swaddled so nicely.

"Goodnight Darby, Sully," Patrick kissed each of their foreheads. Ellen stood back. "Ellen, you going to?"

"Oh no, I shouldn't. It's okay, you do it. I uh, I should go Patrick. Can you handle the two of them on your own?" She asked, rubbing her wrist. Patrick stepped away from the crib,

"Of course. I have been. Jill's pretty wiped most nights. Is everything okay?" Patrick asked, running a hand through his dark curls. Ellen put her hand on his chest, leaning in to give him a kiss. It was soft, sweet. Then pulled back, walking away.

"I'm perfect." Ellen lied, leaving the house. The second she shut his front door the tears trickled down her face. Ellen went down the street to her home, opening the door to find Chris with a girl on his lap watching a basketball game.

"Oh. Ellen, I thought you were out all night," Chris said, sitting up a bit. The girl moved.

"Yeah well I'm back. Just ignore me." Ellen sniffled, going upstairs. Chris tsked, getting up.

"I'm sorry " he told the girl. "She's upset. I want to check on her. Feel free to go, I don't want my roommate upset." Chris said, hurrying upstairs after Ellen. He knocked on her door. "Ellen? Open up. The girl is gone. Did Patrick hurt you? I saw tears. I won't leave until I know you aren't crying anymore."

"Leave me alone Christopher!" Ellen said from behind the door. Her voice was muffled and strained. Chris sighed.

"Just talk it out with me. Who do I have to tell your problems to? The press? And leak our fake marriage, nah."

Ellen sat on her bed, wiping her face. She couldn't articulate why she was crying. She believed that she had accepted herself being babyless. It was totally fine. Ellen knew she was protecting them, and knew Patrick hurt too.

"I don't know why I'm crying. Just go Chris, please." Ellen begged as more tears fell. She listened as Chris eventually stopped camping outside the door. He came back, knocking a little while later.

"I'm leaving you some pizza. It's from earlier. Eat and drink some water Ellen." Chris reminded her, leaving. Ellen opened her door, taking the fold in. She ate then fell asleep, exhausted from the crying. Ellen woke back up at 12 to her phone lighting up. A text from Patrick.

"R u ok?" He asked. Ellen rolled her eyes.

"Nvr better." She replied, lying about the pain of her crying spent puffy eyes.

"Gtg. Love you." Patrick sent back. Ellen felt her eyes water again. She threw her phone on the floor, angry at herself. Damn she loved Patrick, and had just walked out on him with his kids. She felt like she looked awful. They could be doing cool baby sitting things. Ellen's door opened.

"I heard a bang...you okay?" Chris asked, looking inside at half asleep upset Ellen.

"Leave me alone Chris! I'm not your wife. You don't need to make sure I'm okay. What if I'm not? It's not your place to decide that!" Ellen shouted, loosing it. She couldn't stand Chris's over protection right now. Chris sighed, walking away. He gave up. Angry Ellen was not to be pushed. She got up, closing her door, and collapsed on the bed again. The tears came. Ignoring. That's what started this mess. As Ellen had set the boys to bed she was reminded of how they were Jill's. In Jill's house. With Jill's clothes. She would never in a million years be their mom. Even step mom. Cool aunt Ellen who we don't tell on when she kisses dad? Really? Ellen fell back asleep, fitfully. She wished she had Patrick, and all of him.