the strong aroma of coffee and delicacies invaded my nostrils, filling my being with delight and serenity as i walked to the farthest back of the cafe, immediately relaxing on the soft cushion of my seat. not long after that, a stranger whom i think is the waiter rushed to my aid and offered me a small smile, "good afternoon sire! i am yixing and i will be your waiter for today." he says, his voice calm and welcoming, offering me a small folder which i guess is the menu. "do you wish to order now or maybe later, sire?"
"now, please." i smiled in return, earning a small nod from yixing. "i'd like to have one macchiato and a blueberry cheesecake please," i tell him. he thanked me after that, collecting the menu and repeating my order for the second time for any corrections before excusing himself and headed to what seemed like the counter or something.
as soon as he left, my eyes grazed over the few people who's also currently residing at the cafe, my heart clenching slightly as i mourn at my loneliness, envious of the others who's either with their group of friends or with their lovers. i sighed, looking away as i reach for my bag and retrieved my laptop, deciding it would be better to just focus on the sole reason i came here: to finish my research paper.
but for some reasons, i couldn't get my mind into it, lost in the abyss of nothingness. suddenly, i feel empty, like life drained completely out of me- dull and lifeless. my gaze then snapped out the large glass window, eyes immediately locked on the airplane that had just took off, wondering what would it be like if i leave as well, turn my back on everything and just simply leave everything behind. forget everyone,
forget jimin,
the idea remained in my thoughts for a while, but as i try to fathom it dearly, it vanished just as fast. i could feel my heart growing heavy. the thought of him just sends me in such blue, the same time brings me so much love and joy. he brings out the worst in me and yet he is the sole reason i smile- the dearest reason i live. i know it sounds pathetic. i'm stupid, i know. but maybe that's what love do to you, you become all the things you wish you never long to be.
i've always believed i'm smart and wise, and witty. i used to believe i'm selfish and self-centered. i think only of myself. that i am living only in my own world. but it all changed when i met him. he changed me in a way i could no longer decipher who i am. suddenly, i feel dumb and stupid. i learned to care for anyone other than myself. he didn't push me to be worse, yet he also didn't push me to be better either. he just made me happy, and somehow that was everything.
jimin is everything,
to my eyes at least.
my thoughts were interrupted when yixing came back with my orders, again with his sweet and welcoming smile as he bows slightly and served my order one by one. "here's your order, sire. enjoy your meal," he says cheerfully, before excusing himself and attended to other costumers' requests.
and just as i reached for my macchiato, two pairs of feet came into my line of vision, smiling as i look up and lock eyes to a very enthusiastic six year old. "geuki~" he greeted, smiling wide as his eyes disappears under his lids. "geuki, i learned how to play soccer!" he tells me as yoongi chuckles before occupying the seat across from mine.
"that's great,jooheon-ah." i smiled, reaching to mess the child's hair. then i turned to yoongi and greeted him as well. "how'd you know i'm here, hyung?" i ask him.
"we didn't," he rolls his eyes, "we were on our way home when this kid started jumping up and down when he spotted you by the window." and i could only nod as i reach for my cake and tried to fed it to jooheon, since he's been staring at it for a while, clearly wanting a bite.
we chatted about random stuffs for a little bit. i let jooheon eat all of my cake, finding the kid too adorable to resist. i fondly played with his hair as yoongi and i talked about schools, jobs and such. he told me about the up-coming vacation my brother planned next month, complaining as he's tired of seokjin's crazy fetish for vacations and adventures.
and i could only chuckle at him. yoongi being the small grandpa that he is, there's no way he'd enjoy the trip. because in the many moments i've spent with him, i've come to realize that yoongi is nothing but a lazy ass. he hates moving a muscle......well unless he's horny tho.
(no homo, i just happen to walk in on them doing the deed one time)
when we were finished, yoongi offered to drive me home since he still needs to drop by jooheon's favorite pastry shop and buy pastries and delicacies for the little bulldozer for when he gets grumpy and all emotional at night due to nightmare tendencies.
"-did you hear from him yet?" he asks when finally, jooheon was fast asleep in the back. i froze on my seat, clearly uncomfortable about this certain topic. "is he coming tomorrow?" he adds, his voice low and cautious, as though he knows how much i'm breaking by the mentions of him; as though he knows how much i'm tearing apart.
"n-no," i could feel my heart sink as i tell him. it's been months since i last saw jimin with my own eyes, and i'm honestly dying to once again lock eyes with those beautiful pair of hazel eyes. sure we communicate from time to time. he send me lovely texts every morning, telling me how special i am and how much he loves me. he also calls me every night, asking about how my day went.
but in every calls we make, there's not a moment i smile. instead, i always cry. whether i'm happy or sad, i cry. because i just miss him so fucking much. i know he's suffering. i know he's in pain. he's lost, insecure, confused and afraid of the world, and it hurts me so fucking much that i can't hug him nor comfort him in the times he needs me most.
it hurts to know that he wants to fight his battles alone,
"hey, he promised right?" i hear yoongi say, his voice now gentle. "he's just a little lost, but he'll be back." he tells me.
"when?" that was the major question running in my mind for quite a while now. when will he come back? when will i ever get to see those magnificent smiles? those gorgeous lips that once devoured mine. i miss the feeling of having him near, of having him close to my chest. i miss the way he'd say my name as though it is the most precious thing in the world- as though i was the only thing that mattered.
when will he come back?
will he really?
does he really plan to?
yoongi just gave me a small smile, his eyes directed to the road as he held the wheel in so much ease. "when all is right, kook." he says, "when he has finally overcome his demons; when he finally trusts himself to be with you,"
"trust himself to be with me?"
"yeah," was all yoongi's response,
"- when he finally trusts himself to hold such a masterpiece like you, to hold you and devour you without ruining every piece of you."
