I feel tired, like life had just been sucked out of me. Drained and seems to be lost, and at the same time I feel empty. For a winter season, it felt too hot for my liking. The small piece of paper burning the ends of my fingertips, slowly but thoroughly.
It had been hours yet I made no move to look away, afraid that if I turn around even for a second, the scribbles would fade and soon would just be an empty piece of paper. Although it was full of shit, I was afraid. It was a promise made by Jimin, that he'd come back when everything is set into its rightful places.
It is the very proof that he'd come back. Stupid to believe but this all I've got. He never gets too closed to me but his eyes screams otherwise. I believe he has a reason as to why he left and why he wouldn't come back, but what? —what is it that's stopping him from coming close, from coming back?
There must be something.
"Looks could melt, ya'know." I jumped on my seat and turned to the voice and was met by Namjoon's dark hazel orbs. He leaned by the doorframe with a liquor in hand, gently shaking it before chugging it all the way.
I just gave him a weak smile before returning my gaze back to the paper, my smile gently dropping. "Don't stare at it too much, kook." I heard him say. "You might burn it to ashes." he chuckled, footsteps getting closer and closer until I felt a hand rested on my shoulder.
"You're doubting his words." it wasn't a question but rather a statement. And I hate how right he was. He chuckled when I didn't answer, pulling a chair and sat next to me.
"He broke his promise to stay by my side forever, left without saying goodbye and won't even give me a reason why. Just tell me, how could I not doubt his words?" I said bitterly, a sad smile playing in the corners of my lips.
"Shouldn't you be the least person to doubt him?" He raised a brow, sipping on his drink. "I mean, you are his bestfriend after all— who's in love with him, might I add."
"But it's hard," I muttered, looking down.
"When it comes to love, nothing is ever easy, kid." He smirked, draping an arm around my shoulders. I sighed, face scrunched in sadness as collapsed against my chair, tired and really lost about everything.
"I'm so lost, hyung." I said, voicing out my thoughts.
Namjoon patted me on the head as he chuckled, shaking his head. "Everybody is lost, Jungkook. Some just learns how to dance in the rain as they ventured the infinite in hopes of finally finding their way out. But to be truthfully honest, nobody ever gets to be found, and that's the reality of everything. There is no way out." he said.
I frowned, taking every word he said in my head. "I....don't get it, hyung." I blinked, turning to look at him.
He playfully rolled his eyes before once again falling into fits of laughter. "What I mean is, stop focusing on finding your way because no matter what you do, you can't defy the infinite, it'll only take you back to the start. Life isn't a maze where there's an entrance and an exit, it is just a continuous path— plainly just life."
"Now you made it even more complex, hyung." I pouted.
"Aish, this kid." He shook his head. "The earth is a great representation of life, Jungkook."
"Why is that, hyung?" I raised a brow.
"The earth is round, right?" I nodded, dumbfounded. "Just like the earth, life has no end. Death isn't the end of life but rather a beginning to a whole new book of your story. So I suggest, instead of moping around and trying to look for your path, just enjoy and have fun. It might not be today, but someday Jimin will come back and when that day comes, life will take you back to the start and open up a new beginning. It's just like running round in circles, everything goes back to where it starts and there is no escaping it."
I was silent after that. Namjoon, Yoongi— both of them were just saying the same things. It is some kind of a metaphor referring to Jimin's absence that simply tells to stop looking and just enjoy life whatever it brings. I frowned, "I never asked to find, Jimin. It was my brother who pushed the idea." I found myself muttering.
"It was a silent agreement made between you two, jungkook-ah. You never said anything but your heart was screaming his name, eyes searching for his soul and mind caught up in his perfection. As a brother, Jin did what he thinks is best for you, and he was right because the day jimin left was the day you lost yourself, he was your world, your everything. You loved him in a way that not anyone of us could dare to understand. You would be lying if you say you didn't want to look for him because your heart, your mind and you— Jungkook, they all beat for him."
And for the second time, I hate how right Namjoon was.
