Serendipity 奇缘

#23: Everything

I started running when I heard him calling my name. I couldn't stand it anymore. Hearing him apologize to me made me feel even worse. I knew all this was causing him a lot of pain. I just wanted to distance myself from him, whenever we're in the presence of the production team, at least until the project was over, so that he would not suffer so much.

He caught up with me and grabbed my arm, pulling me to face him.

"If you're not angry with me, why are you running away from me?"

I held my head low when I was facing him. The tears that I had forced back earlier had re-emerged, and were flooding my eyes, and blurring my vision. With his hands grabbing onto my arms, I couldn't wipe them away at all. I kept blinking to try to force the tears back, but instead they overflowed out and trickled down my face.

"KIKI!!!" Jaejoong shook my shoulders.

"Stop it!!! You're hurting me!!!" I looked up and shouted at him, and attempted to struggle free from his grip.

He realised that I was crying, and immediately loosened his grip.

"Mianeyo... Did I hurt you? Mianeyo... I..." He fussed over me apologetically.

"Jaejoong... I don't want to see you getting yourself drunk over this relationship..."

"I wasn't getting drunk because of our relationship..." He argued.

Then it dawned on him. He finally remembered what had happened earlier at the restaurant.

"Whatever happened just now, it was just the alcohol..."

"If it's causing you so much trouble that you need to get yourself drunk to forget it all... I think.... it's better that... we have some time... apart..."

He stepped towards me, and grabbed my hand.

"You're just saying this out of anger... I'll disregard this... Come let's go back to the restaurant now..."

He tugged my hand and pulled me along as he walked towards the restaurant.

"Anio... Jaejoong... I'm serious... I think I should just pull out from this project and let my team leader get another PM to handle this project... Cos I don't think you can work... with me around..."

Jaejoong stopped and turned around to face me. He placed his hands on my shoulder and leaned down so that his face was level with mine.

"Anio... You don't know what you're saying..."

"I think I know what I'm doing very well..."

"Anio... You don't understand..."

"I do... You're frustrated..."

"NE!!! I'M FRUSTRATED!!!"

"And you won't be able to work like this... The only solution is for me to pull out..."

"You don't understand!!! I'm not frustrated cos you're in the project... I..."

His grip tightened around my shoulders. His eyes showed angst and despair.

"I'm frustrated with MYSELF... cos I can't have a normal open relationship... I wanna be able to go on dates with you in public... I wanna be able to hold your hand in public... I wanna be able to hug you in public... I wanna be able to tell everyone I know that you're mine... And that I love you... Sarangheyo..."