Paradox

20

I was woke, it was early morning. Jack was still sleeping soundly in my bed. Last night was sorta a blur, I remember we kissed and that's really it. I guess I drank more of his vodka then I thought I did.

My phone rang as I searched for it, I found it and it was a unknown number. Who ever his was is going to die? They interrupted my sleep, how fucking dare they!?

I groggily answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Is this Chantelle?" They ask, I nod my head and soon realise they didn't know I was nodding.

"Yeah." My voice croaked, wow I need a drink of oj or something.

"We need you to come to the hospital right away." They said.

"May I ask why?" I ask unsure.

"Your mothers condition has worsened, we believe she's only got a few hours left." A lump was lodged in my throat.

What?

Why?

Why now?

"I'll be there." I say my voice shaky, I could feel the tears streaming down my face. I hung up quickly.

I hated the feeling, the feeling of not knowing what to do. I've only experienced deaths of people who were not close to my family, my grandparents on both sides haven't even died yet, my mom can't.

I pull on a oversized hoodie and my superstars, I quickly write a note for Jack explaining I'm at he hospital and that I don't know when I'll be back, I told him too lock up and that to not wait for me.

My hoodie hardly reached my knees but I really didn't care at this point, I didn't have make up on and my hair was in a very messy ponytail. I looked like a mess, when do I not.

"Ellie, get to the fucking hospital now!" I say as I call Ellie while driving.

"What? Why?" She asks, I hear a pan drop. "Is it mom?" I sobbed a bit into the phone.

"Quick." I say, although Ellie didn't act like she loved mom, I knew she did. I knew that if she found out I knew hours before mom was going to die that mom was going to die and hadn't told her she would hate me.

I got to the hospital and slammed the door shut, I knew the route to moms room off by heart so I ran right past reception. I got to her room to see that she was gone.

All the get well soon cards and bears had been removed and her bed was made without her in it. Tears streamed down my face, she's gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

A woman walked up to me and looked at me sympathetically, "I'm your moms nurse, she's in intensive care." I sigh in relief.

"Hey let me help you." She says as I put my arm over her shoulder, I was unstable and weak and nearly loosing my mom put me on the edge of having a mental breakdown.

We got to her room and honestly it broke me even more, she was wired up more then before and her skin was now so pale it was if you could see through it.

Ellie rushed in once the nurse exited the room, I pulled her into me as we cried into each other. We just stood there as she cried into my hoodie and I cried into her hair.

"Girls." A voice croaked from the woman who birthed me. My mom, was my heart, she made it and may just be the cause of the break.

"Come here." She said I walked round one side and Ellie walked round the other, we both held onto each of her hands.

"I want you girls to know that I will always love you, forever and always." She says smiling weakly.

"No matter how much you hurt inside, stay strong." She smiles at me.

"I hope you have a beautiful future my princess, find love and happiness, don't forget me." She says, I chuckle through my tears.

"Never." I say smiling squeezing her hand a bit.

"Ellie, my baby, I'm so proud of you, overcoming all the obstacles you have faced, I hope you find love and happiness too, don't love Ronda too much." We all lightly laugh.

"I love you both," she turns to me, "you'll forever be my princess." She turns to Ellie, "you'll forever be my baby."

"I love you Both so so so much." She managed to croak out. And as if she had scheduled her departure, her heartbeat flatlined.

Tears flowed down my cheeks and I squeezed her hand hoping she'd squeeze it back, but she didn't. She didn't move, her eyes were still open and I looked away not wanting to meet the eyes of my dead mother.

I looked at the doorway to see my dad and Ronda, my dad was holding back his tears whereas Ronda was holding up her phone.

I let go of moms hand and walked up to Ronda angrily, I turned her phone to see she was on instagram, and that she had been on live the whole time.

The whole world had just watched my mom die, the whole world just witnessed my moms last words, the whole world had just witnessed me breakdown completely. And I'm angry very angry.

I hand Ellie the phone who was looking at the Instagram live and the comments, I turned to Ronda.

"Now Ronda you whore I didn't realise you were that low." I growl. I slap her as hard as I could and I was happy when I heard a cry of pain.

"Your a fucking bitch, I hope you rot in fucking hell!" I shout angrily before taking one last look at my moms lifeless body and walking out the door.

Out of the hospital.

Out of the door to the world full of hurt and pain and shit.