Author Games: Panemdemic

Kaya Maldoran's Rapprochement

When the screen first flickered to life, Kaya thought she was hallucinating. Her vision was blurry, as though she had just woken up, and every breath was rough, rattling sound. The idea that her brain could be failing her along with the rest of her body didn't seem too farfetched of an idea. But then words started to drift across the screen with a message that seemed impossible.

She was going to talk with her family.

For some reason, the thought was not as thrilling as it would have been mere days ago. Before, Kaya would have given anything to see or speak with her family, would have been thrilled to talk with Bianca one last time. But now that that chance was being given to her, it no longer seemed appealing. She didn't want to see her family, not after everything that had happened. She didn't want to see what they thought of her, or worse, hear what they thought of her. Better to never see them again and remember only the good, rather than speak with them one last time and hear their condemnations.

She swallowed, staring at the screen in front of her. A countdown for 60 seconds was on the screen, and Kaya stared at her reflection blankly. She had never thought of herself as ugly or pretty, rather somewhere in between. Yet now, as she stared into the blank screen, she could only describe herself as grotesque. The face staring back at her was a mirror image of the one she'd seen earlier, and her hands tightened around the box. Her once smooth, pale skin had turned into something mottled and hard, bulging at odd points. Black spots dotted her hands, reminding her of fuzz growing on bathroom tiles. Once again she felt pain in her chest, worn lungs straining to bring in air. And she was tired, so very tired.

There was a small beep from the machine in front of her, and her family came into view. It seemed like an eternity since Kaya had last seen them. Even though she had seen them mere days ago, they seemed unfamiliar to her. Her mother seemed older, wrinkles more prominent and her shoulders hunched. But it was her expression that sent a chill down Kaya's spine; it was as if she'd never seen Kaya before, like she was staring at someone completely new. Her father was harder to read, but there was a distance to the way he looked at Kaya that made her heart clench. Kaya couldn't look at Bianca, terrified of the expression she'd find there.

For the first time since she could remember, Kaya was afraid of her sister. Because of the three people crowded around the small screen, Bianca was the one who meant the most. Bianca had been the one to make sure Kaya was safe, to make sure that when she was confused she had help, to make sure that Kaya ate on days when she forgot because she was lost in her own world.

"Kaya?" Her mother's voice was thin and uncertain.

Hundreds of replies flew to the front of her mind, but all she could manage was a rough, "Mom." It hurt to force the word out, her throat swollen. Unbidden, her eyes went to Bianca at the sound. As soon as she did, she wished she hadn't. Her sister looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot, dark bags hanging under her eyes. Her hair looked thin and stringy, lines that hadn't been there before carved into her face.

"Do you miss me?" The question tore itself out of Kaya's mouth without her permission, rough and throaty.

"Of course we do, sweetheart," her mother said quickly, but the beat of silence between the question and the answer spoke volumes. Tears that stung like acid pricked her eyes, but Kaya refused to let them fall. She had a feeling that if she cried, she'd never be able to stop. Words clogged her throat, but she shook her head.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" It was choked off scream, accusing and pleading all at once. Why are you looking at me like I'm not your daughter? Why are you looking at me like I'm a monster? Her mother's mouth worked soundlessly, her expression a mix of surprise and guilt. Beside her, her father had turned away from the screen, his head bowed as he stared at the floor.

It took several minutes for Kaya to work up the courage to look at Bianca. Her sister's expression was hard to read, a mix of grief and guilt. Her sister licked her lips, and her expression shifted. It reminded Kaya of when she was six, and Bianca would walk her to school. Kaya had never paid attention to the walk home, always certain Bianca would lead her there safely.

"Of course we missed you. But we... we just need some time," Bianca said quietly, and Kaya tried to reply, but her throat had swollen shut and she could nod. Another beat of silence, and then, "Come back. Please." Kaya had a feeling she wasn't just talking about coming home.