Author Games: Panemdemic

Task Five: Scores

Thank you all for handing in this round. I'm incredibly pleased with the turnout, and it will be difficult to put some of you up for votes considering the quality we've reached and your impressive performances. I apologize for the delay in posting these scores and notes; as I mentioned in a message to all of you, I've been traveling. If there are any typos or miscalculations in this chapter, please let me know, as the majority of these notes were written on mobile, and autocorrect is both a blessing and a curse.

Because it is an odd round, ballots do count against scores, subtracting 0.5 points each.

Bonus Points:

Congratulations to Rhea Charon for submitting the first entry! You will have 0.5 points added to your final score, in addition to the bonus below. I have also provided extended feedback on your entry.

Even with the deadline at a time I thought all of you would benefit from, I was disappointed in the lack of punctuality exhibited by all of you- once again. It was very disappointing to still have extensions even when I purposely situated this deadline at a time I thought would be optimal for the majority of you. Because of this, I've decided to award an additional 0.5 points to all tributes who handed in more than one hour before the deadline- Rhea Charon, Train Wreck, Elm Woods, Aroma Fastner, and Mason Falkov. My sincerest thanks to all of you for such promptness in submitting.

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District 1 Female: Aroma Fastner

Score: 7.75

7.75 (+0.5) = 8.25

Feedback~ Again, I feel like I need to address your punctuation and grammar. Though I know this is a continuing issue that you're working toward fixing, I just want to remind you once more that there are programs on the internet- even just spell check- that can easily fix a number of your errors. Personally, I use the application Grammarly to double check that I have everything right. You don't need to have issues as simple as "memory's", which would mean that a memory would possess something, where you are referring to the plural "memories"- these can be easily fixed. You may also want to read your entry over to make sure that there aren't any errors that a computer can't pick up because they're actual words, such as when you used "corps" instead of "corpse", and "grim" instead of "grime". You also need to be careful about incomplete sentences- though you may have verbs in your sentences, sometimes they don't directly apply to the noun; I'm not going to go very deep into this, as you can easily fix it with some simple research, but if you need me to elaborate on it at all or refer you to websites, don't be afraid to PM. Additionally, work towards combining your related sentences into paragraphs- this makes it easier and more comprehensible for the reader, because a new paragraph signifies a longer pause than when there is another sentence directly after it- most of the time, this reads better as related ideas aren't split up. On another note, I did like your description in this entry- the contraction of hot and cold that you included near the beginning of your entry was artfully performed, and you did a nice job of painting the scene of the changed hospital room. I liked the pacing of your entry. One thing you could've improved on was the variety of your sentences and words- what especially stood out here was the repeated use of Aroma's name, which you may want to swap out for 'she' if you use it multiple sentences in a row. I liked how you described the boy Aroma spoke to and how his illness afflicted him, and her actions were logical to go to someone for clarification. I would've liked a little more expansion on the idea of Aroma's brother, though, and how he was killed by birds. It was mentioned very briefly, and I think you would've benefited from honing in on a recollection/memory of her brother, or at least a few more thoughts about him. Using this to motivate her or cause her to do something would definitely strengthen the purpose of the little details you have everywhere. Also, try to make sure your similes make sense if you use them- flowers generally don't wither in rain, considering they require water to survive. The idea of the leeches was creative, though, and I also enjoyed the conversation that took place between Aroma and her dying self. It was very emotional- you did a great job of portraying both of the girls' emotions through the dialogue, and I thought Aroma's desperate measures definitely developed her character in an interesting way.